Chapter 1
Your name is JOHN EGBERT. You have a variety of INTERESTS, or at least, you used to. You’ve spent the last five years growing INCREASINGLY INTROVERTED, preferring to spend your time alone at home. “Preferring” is a bit of a loaded word, actually, but it’s the one you prefer to use. It’s easier than trying to explain the reason you really spend so much of your time alone at home. This assumes of course that you can even remember why anymore.
You check your MOBILE DEVICE and notice a number of unread messages. It seems you’re a POPULAR GUY and a COOL KID. Until you check them and notice the most recent messages are from at least 24 hours ago. You scroll back up to the top and start with the most recent. It seems your friend Dave was trying to reach you yesterday.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
TG: hey john
TG: joooooohn
TG: look dude i know you never fuckin look at your phone anymore but come on ive been tryin to reach you for days bro
TG: i keep getting shit from your sister cause you dont talk to her anymore
TG: i swear she thinks im gay for you or something
TG: not that theres anything wrong with that i mean you already know im gay
TG: im all down with making out with dudes and shit you know that like im all up in that shit hell yeah dudes are great i love guys
TG: look lets just rewind a bit how are you my dude
TG: come on john youre leaving me hanging and now i sound crazier than your sister
TG: ok fine i get the hint ill bug you later bro.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
Jeez. If you didn't know any better you'd say he was INTERESTED IN YOU. You flip through a few of the other messages, skimming through them, paying even less attention than you did to the first. Dave, Jane, Roxy, Jade, wow even Karkat? You almost wonder what Karkat would have to say to you, but you figure it's probably nothing important. Nothing is ever really that important anymore.
What bothers you is that you can't remember why you didn't acknowledge any of these yesterday. Or much of anything else that happened yesterday. Really, you can't even seem to remember much of anything anymore. It's been five years since you and your friends "BEAT THE GAME" you were playing and CREATED a new UNIVERSE. Because that's what playing video games is all about. The last three of those years have been unusually blurry for you though, and the only thing you can really recall is how much of that time you spent COMPLETELY ALONE.
Wait. Five years?
Fuck, that's right.
Today is April the 10th, and your DAY OF BIRTH CELEBRATIONS, which most would call your BIRTHDAY, is only three days away. How did you forget your own birthday?
You return to your favorite INSTANT MESSAGING CLIENT, the one you and your friends prefer to use over text messaging for sentimental and somewhat practical reasons, and continue checking and ignoring your friends' messages. Though, you figure you should maybe let some of them know you read them. It might be nice to let them know you're actually still alive. Assuming you are, of course. You decide to check your pulse just to make sure, until you realize that you most likely are and didn't actually need to check. Boy, do you feel like an idiot sometimes.
--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
TG: yoooooooooo john
TG: what r u up to
TG: me n callie are like
TG: tryin to come up w ideas for stuff to do when we come by
TG: cause we wanna like
TG: hang out w u before ur bday n shit
TG: or after idk
TG: w ever u wanna do dude
TG: lemme know some time ok? :3
TG: also u should talk to my bro some time hes been like
TG: tryin 2 talk to u i think
TG: he's prolly totally into u isnt he?
TG: *wonk*
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] --
EB: oh hey roxy.
EB: sorry i missed that lol.
EB: i have been kind of busy lately, but when i get some time i'd love to hang out!
-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] --
Roxy's nice. But you're not sure you want to do any hanging out right now. Thankfully they're not currently online, so you can let them know you're still alive without having to actually talk to anyone. Success. You decide to keep skimming through, making sure to appear as if you're offline, so you don't have to talk to anybody who does happen to be online.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
TT: Hello John.
TT: I know it's been some time since we've actually talked, but if you wouldn't mind indulging me for a moment.
TT: I'd like to talk about the nightmare you had last night.
Excuse you?
How does she know about your nightmare? How does she know about you having nightmares at all? You don't have nightmares.
Well. Apart from that one you had last night. You don't remember much of it, but you remember seeing your sister Jade. Or, someone who looked like her. She had GREY HAIR and looked much older. She seemed to be threatening someone who looked familiar. You couldn't recognize her, but she looked almost like somebody you used to know, especially with her ARM missing. Actually, you swear you recognize her GLASSES from somewhere. They almost looked like yours.
But they couldn't be yours, and she couldn't be you, for you currently have your GLASSES, and you have both of your ARMS currently intact. Not to mention you're definitely not a girl.
TT: I don't expect you'll see this, or even respond to it, but at the very least I'd like to be able to talk to you about it.
TT: I'm worried it may be of importance in the near future.
TT: Or I could be wrong and you could simply be dreaming in anime again.
TT: Either way, I think it would at least be nice to talk to you again.
TT: In person.
TT: Seeing as it's been some time.
TT: I suppose I'll await a response of some kind whenever you decide to actually check your messages.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
You still don't really know how she knew about you having nightmares, or how she could see them four days in advance. You just assume it's some kind of Seer stuff.
No, wait. She didn't see it four days in advance. You had another one four days ago. That one was even more worrying. Maybe you should talk to her. She does seem to be online.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
EB: oh hey rose i'm sorry i didn't see that.
EB: i don't think the nightmares were really that important, but if you think so then i guess we should talk about them.
TT: Oh, hello John. I didn't expect to actually get a response any time soon.
EB: ouch :|
TT: I'm sorry, but you have to admit it's been somewhat difficult to reach you lately.
EB: yeah that's true...
EB: i've just been kind of busy lately.
TT: Oh?
EB: yeah, cleaning up some stuff around the house and around town.
EB: i finally fixed those holes in my dad's old room!!
TT: I thought you had fixed those last year?
TT: Or did something else happen to your father's room?
EB: oh, yeah, i forgot how long ago that was.
TT: Well, despite your current state of busyness, what would you say to meeting somewhere for coffee?
TT: There's a lovely little place I've been meaning to try with Kanaya for some time, but I figure getting to see my oldest friend again is a suitable second choice.
EB: oh wow thanks.
EB: glad to know i'm your backup option :P
TT: Well, it's either you or Strider, but he seems too preoccupied with a certain someone lately, and given the choice between you and his companion?
TT: I think you can see why I'd prefer you as a backup to my Adoring Matesprit.
EB: lol are you sure she's not making you type that?
TT: Whatever Do You Mean Egbert
TT: Certainly Im Capable Of Showing My Matesprit Plenty Of Love And Affection On My Own
TT: I Dont Need Her To Make Me Do That
EB: ok now i believe you lmao.
EB: i will meet you out there!!!!!!!!
TT: How exciting.
TT: I'll see you this afternoon then.
TT: Then we can peruse the spacious depths of your nightmares and determine exactly how ruinous our futures are going to be.
EB: heheheh
EB: see you later rose!
-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
Oh boy. You have a DATE. You are extremely excited for the DATE.
No, it's not a DATE, you tell yourself. It's just two friends getting coffee and discussing their nightmares. You know. As Friends Do.
Of course, you will need to prepare for this TOTALLY NOT A DATE. You search your closet, only to find it empty. Of course it's empty, why did you check it in the first place? Ever since you reached god tier, your wardrobe has existed entirely in your mind. You need only think of an OUTFIT you have previously worn and it will be worn once again. You really can't believe how poor your memory has gotten lately.
After a quick shower, you don your typical casualwear - a blue hoodie with your aspect on it, paired with your old jeans. They are somewhat baggy, as is your hoodie. You prefer this to wearing clothes that might look "cooler", like a certain someone you knew once convinced you to wear. While those clothes might look "cooler" indeed, they don't hide certain aspects of your appearance as well. You don't think very highly of your appearance. Not that it's particularly bad, you merely don't think it suits you. It just feels "wrong" sometimes.
Just like that, you managed to lose track of time. You're starting to run late for your TOTALLY NOT A DATE.
JOHN: do you really have to keep calling it that?
Excuse me?
JOHN: do you have to keep being so snarky? who cares if it's a date or not? it's not a date can you just stop calling it that!
John, who's the narrator here? And who's the character in a story?
JOHN: i don't fucking know but just stop calling it that!
JOHN: this is stupid.
JOHN: can we just get back to the fucking story?
Fine.
You're starting to run late for your DEFINITELY NOT A DATE coffee time with Rose. You should probably get going.
---------------------------------------------------------
You begin to wonder to yourself why Rose had to pick somewhere in the Carapace Kingdom. Not that it's particularly a long trip. You do have the windy thing after all. That thing you're currently doing. It feels quite nice sometimes, just being the wind. It's kind of relaxing. You don’t have to worry about direction. You don’t have to worry about speed. Getting lost. None of these things particularly matter when you’re the wind.
Which is good because you are currently lost. It may not be a particularly long trip to the Carapace Kingdom when doing the windy thing, but it sure is a confusing one. You feel like you should be more familiar with this place. Why aren’t you? It’s nice, there’s things to do, places to go, you have friends here, you should get to know this place better.
But then again, doing so requires leaving the house, and you really don’t do that very much anymore.
You spot a building with a few tables outside, and upon closer examination you notice your friend sitting at one. You thank Troll Jegus she’s wearing something fairly casual, so you don’t feel underdressed. You then question why you thanked Troll Jegus. Must be some kind of troll influence. You also contemplate why you’re thinking about things like Troll Jegus and whether you’re underdressed, before realizing you’re kind of just awkwardly floating about half a mile above the streets. Thankfully, there’s a CONVENIENT ALLEYWAY near the cafe you can land in, where hopefully some random carapacian won’t bother you. Not that you dislike them. You just don’t want to draw attention to yourself. You know. While wearing that inconceivably inconspicuous bright blue hoodie.
Turning the corner, you spot Rose, before also immediately spotting what looks like her home barely a block away. That’s convenient for her, but it’s deeply inconvenient for you. Why couldn’t she pick somewhere closer to your home? Not that you wanted to be closer to home particularly, just why somewhere close to hers and not yours? It sure doesn't seem fair to you, does it? Although, this does feel rather rude to bitch about, doesn't it? You decide that you won't say anything to her about it.
Rose looks up from her phone and notices you, a smile appearing on her face. She gets up from her table and makes her way towards you, bearing an early birthday gift in the form of a hug. As snarky as she may be sometimes, she’s still your best and oldest friend, and while it’s not particularly common, she does tend to show you how she truly feels more often than with others, even her own siblings.
ROSE: I can’t believe my own eyes. It’s John Egbert, standing here, right in front of me. I must be dreaming.
JOHN: oh haha very funny rose.
JOHN: it’s almost like you’ve never seen me before!
ROSE: Well, in my defense, we did only ever meet in person twice before getting here.
JOHN: yeah and you were grimdark one of those times :P
JOHN: actually it was kind of three times, but that third time you were dead :/
ROSE: Hmmm.
ROSE: You have a point there.
ROSE: But, that wasn’t exactly the current me, now was it?
JOHN: ok fair.
Rose sits back down, and you go inside to order a drink. After an unusually difficult struggle with the overbearing menu options, you finally return and seat yourself across from her, holding your own warm, sugary, CAFFEINATED BEVERAGE. You hope it’s one you enjoy this time. The last time you ventured forth from your home for a CAFFEINATED BEVERAGE it was disgustingly sweet, though you don't recall what exactly it was.
ROSE: So, seeing as you’ve been busy, how have your numerous projects been going?
JOHN: oh you know, they’re great.
JOHN: all kinds of different irons in the fire.
JOHN: i think i might go zap a library into existence or end world hunger or something.
JOHN: is world hunger even a thing here?
ROSE: I would imagine Earth C is likely somewhat hungry.
ROSE: Being a world is hungry work.
JOHN: ok but for real why the small talk?
JOHN: it is kind of out of character for you.
She chuckles, swirling her drink around a bit.
ROSE: Honestly?
ROSE: I just wanted to see how long it would take you to call me out.
ROSE: You were faster than I had been expecting.
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: heheheh.
ROSE: As for why I picked somewhere so close to home, it’s a precautionary measure.
JOHN: precautionary? what could be going wrong?
ROSE: Have you ever had to take care of a Mother Grub that was preparing to spawn?
JOHN: no i have not!
JOHN: that sounds kind of gross!
ROSE: Very much so.
ROSE: But it is necessary, and while my Darling Matesprit says she doesn’t need my assistance,
ROSE: I would like to remain close by.
ROSE: Just in case.
JOHN: oh yeah, that makes sense.
That is a much more valid reason than you were expecting. Now you feel a little bad for assuming. Rose's smile assures you otherwise, though. You carefully sip your CAFFEINATED BEVERAGE, realizing you may have gotten one a bit too sugary for your tastes.
ROSE: So John.
ROSE: How do you feel?
JOHN: what?
JOHN: like in general?
ROSE: Well, yes, but more specifically how do you feel being out in public?
ROSE: It's been a while, hasn't it?
JOHN: yeah, it kind of has, i guess.
JOHN: i don't know, a little weird?
ROSE: Weird how? Assuming you don't mind me asking.
JOHN: it feels like, i don't know.
JOHN: like people keep expecting me to do the windy thing?
JOHN: i feel like when i'm not looking everyone's just
JOHN: staring at me.
JOHN: it's kind of really overwhelming!
ROSE: I can imagine so.
ROSE: Would it help if I told you most of them likely don't even recognize you?
JOHN: i guess that's a little reassuring...
You casually glance around and notice almost none of the carapacians around you have even acknowledged your existence. Almost none, because of course there is always a child somewhere who is OBSESSED with her world's deific figures, as if they were characters in a PIECE OF CLASSIC MEDIA she was fixated on. Or perhaps not a child, but a young man somewhere who staunchly believes your story to be nothing more than myth, and believes you to be someone cosplaying as such a MYTHOLOGICAL FIGURE. Though, why a human would be cosplaying a god in the middle of the Carapace Kingdom, especially one such as yourself who does not have the ties to it that your friend has, you don't know.
ROSE: Well then, should we discuss the hoofbeast in the room?
JOHN: hoofbeast?
ROSE: Oh, sorry, I meant elephant.
ROSE: Kanaya has made a shocking impact on my vocabulary.
ROSE: Sometimes I barely even notice anymore.
JOHN: heheh.
JOHN: so, what hoofbeast then?
ROSE: Your dreams.
ROSE: Or, your nightmares, rather.
ROSE: One in particular, actually.
JOHN: oh yeah.
JOHN: how'd you even know about that?
ROSE: We've been friends for almost a decade and you still feel the need to ask me that?
ROSE: If I didn't know any better, I'd be asking you what you did to John and where he was.
JOHN: ok i get it!!!!!!!!
JOHN: it's some weird psycho-analysis thing or whatever.
JOHN: it's that weird therapy thing you try to do.
JOHN: or something like that.
ROSE: Something like that.
ROSE: Though in all actuality, I'm aware because I believe I may have had a similar nightmare on the same night.
JOHN: you did?
ROSE: I believe so.
ROSE: I had a nightmare four nights ago, one that was far from ordinary.
ROSE: When I awoke, I had the strangest feeling that something similar had occurred to you.
JOHN: yeah i did kind of have a weird nightmare around then.
ROSE: Would you feel comfortable telling me about it?
JOHN: i think so, yeah.
JOHN: i remember seeing you.
JOHN: except you looked like a robot?
JOHN: and you were on a spaceship or something, with all kinds of logos like jake's company.
JOHN: i guess it was one of his?
JOHN: you were looking at all these screens, and one of them had a planet on it.
JOHN: and then i guess you were talking to someone?
JOHN: the only other thing i remember is, dirk?
JOHN: i think dirk was there?
JOHN: but he looked really different, and he said something like, "Are my fucking pantaloons ready yet?"
JOHN: then i woke up.
She looks at you, somewhat concerned, but...
Is that a giggle?
Is she laughing?
JOHN: hey what's so funny?
She can't help but burst out laughing after you call her out. You're not really sure why she found your nightmare so hilarious, though on second thought, you guess "are my fucking pantaloons ready" is a silly thing to hear in a nightmare.
ROSE: I'm sorry John, I don't mean to laugh at what must have been an unsettling experience for you.
ROSE: But I don't think I was prepared to hear you say that.
ROSE: Even if I can admit it does sound like something Dirk would say in a tense situation.
JOHN: heh, yeah, i guess it is kinda funny.
JOHN: i don't know, i thought it was kind of spooky at the time, but i guess it wasn't really a "nightmare" to be real.
ROSE: It's also remarkably different from my own, so perhaps I was wrong.
ROSE: Maybe it's not particularly significant after all.
JOHN: do you wanna talk about yours?
JOHN: maybe it's as funny as mine was :P
ROSE: No, I don't think it's particularly important to bring up now. Perhaps some other time.
ROSE: In the meantime, I'd like to ask you one other thing, if I may.
You take another sip of the overly sugary CAFFEINATED BEVERAGE. You grimace at the overload of sugar, but acknowledge you probably need the caffeine right now. She moves her own drink out of the way, resting her arms on the table so she can lean in a little closer to you. You're not sure how this makes you feel.
ROSE: Where have you actually been lately?
ROSE: Are you ok?
Oh.
That's not what you were expecting.
You tense up a little bit.
JOHN: oh, uhhh, yeah. i'm fine, heh.
JOHN: i uhhhhhhhh, have been having some...
JOHN: trouble remembering things lately?
JOHN: but...
JOHN: i don't think it's really anything concerning, haha.
JOHN: i'm just kinda tired and forgetful, y'know?
JOHN: not a big deal.
ROSE: Just tired and forgetful?
ROSE: Hmmmm.
JOHN: yeah, hahaha, i think i'm just not getting enough sleep or something.
ROSE: That's, possible.
She retreats back to her chair, as she was before, and takes another sip of her drink.
ROSE: Well, should your, sleep issues, become something more...
ROSE: You're always more than welcome to speak to me.
JOHN: thanks rose, but it's not that big a deal.
ROSE: That's alright.
ROSE: I am merely letting you know that, should there be...
ROSE: Let's say some grandiose horrorterror infesting your mind and possessing you as a weapon, or something of a similar level of ridiculousness.
ROSE: I would be happy to help perform your exorcism.
JOHN: heh, yeah, you would be :P
ROSE: All jokes aside, John.
ROSE: You are still my oldest friend, and you are dear to me.
ROSE: Should you need, I would move mountains for you.
ROSE: Well.
ROSE: Provided they were small, and easily pushed around of course. I may need help otherwise.
JOHN: heh, yeah, and same goes for you, y'know.
You both laugh, but something in your chest tightens, and you remember the last time you saw Rose near a mountain. Five years ago. Roxy holding her body as the life faded from her eyes and the blood poured out of her chest. Suddenly that's all you can see when you look at her.
And then it's gone. Barely a moment passes and you're back on Earth C. You are sitting at a cafe in the Carapace Kingdom holding a CAFFEINATED BEVERAGE and speaking to your oldest friend.
Seemingly sensing your sudden shift in demeanor, Rose gets up and walks around to your side of the table. You guess your INTERACTION WITH A FRIEND THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT A DATE is coming to a close, and follow her lead. She then reaches out to give you a hug, which you awkwardly accept, before growing more comfortable with it now that it's actually happening. This feels, nice? Is that how hugs are supposed to feel? You haven't really gotten any hugs in some time.
ROSE: Oh, before I forget.
ROSE: Have you spoken to your sister lately?
JOHN: jane? i was gonna tell her happy early birthday i guess.
ROSE: No, your other sister.
JOHN: oh...
Yes, your other sister. The one you actually more frequently call your sister. You're not even sure why you said Jane, seeing as you two don't actually have that close of a relationship, and are more aptly described as FAMILIAL ACQUAINTANCES.
ROSE: She's been trying to reach you for some time now.
JOHN: yeah, i know.
JOHN: dave was trying to tell me the other day.
JOHN: i've just...
JOHN: been kind of busy.
ROSE: Mhmm.
ROSE: Maybe you'll find an opportunity to speak to her before your birthday.
JOHN: yeah, hopefully...
ROSE: Either way, this has been nice.
ROSE: Believe it or not, I have actually missed seeing you. We should try to meet again some time.
ROSE: Perhaps when you don't have so many irons in the fire.
JOHN: yeah, it was nice!
JOHN: a little awkward, but i think i could get comfortable going out in public again?
JOHN: at least, maybe not with big groups of people.
JOHN: i will let you get home to kanaya though, i'm sure she misses you already!
You hug one last time for good measure, and she begins to walk back to her loving hive and darling wife. You prepare to fade away into the wind and return to your own home, but the buzzing in your pocket is distracting. Why is your pocket buzzing?
Oh. That's right. Your MOBILE DEVICE is trying to let you know somebody is attempting to contact you. You pull it out with a moderately annoyed sigh, until you see the name that's been trying to reach you, at which point you frantically unlock your phone and check your favorite INSTANT MESSAGING CLIENT.
-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --
GC: H3Y 3GB3RT
GC: 1 DONT H4V3 4 LOT OF T1M3
GC: BUT 1 TH1NK 1 FOUND SOM3TH1NG
GC: 4ND 1 TH1NK YOU SHOULD S33 1T
GC: FUCK HOW DO 1 S3ND P1CTUR3S OV3R TH1S
GC: N3V3R M1ND 1LL JUST S3ND 1T OV3R T3XT
EB: hey, what's going on?
GC: SHUT UP 4ND CH3CK YOUR T3XTS DUMP4SS
-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --
Well shit. That was sudden. Why didn't she have more time to talk? Oh well. You do as she says and check your text messages, only to be greeted by a blurry image of a jacket. What's so special about this? It's just a tattered, grey colored jacket with cerulean stains on it.
Cerulean stains.
On a tattered grey jacket.
It finally clicks in your head, and you suddenly feel worried.
You decide to just head back home, though. You're not really sure what all you could do to help, especially since your friend is somewhere far, far away right now.
Chapter 2
You wake up to your alarm going off. Except, when you check the time, you realize it's been several hours since your alarm actually started going off. You must have been extremely tired to have slept through it. Groggy and half awake, you shut off the alarm and check your MOBILE DEVICE. It seems none of your friends have made any attempt at contacting you while you were out. You can't say you feel too bothered.
After setting your phone back on your nightstand, you roll back over and decide to go back to sleep. Or, you would, were it not for the knocking sound coming from downstairs. A rhythmic "tap tap tap, tap tap tap". Must be the cat.
Then you remember you don't own a cat.
Scrambling out of the bed, you yell down the stairs to let your visitor know you'll be there momentarily. You hadn't changed out of your outfit from yesterday when you went to bed, but you don't feel like continuing to wear such a dirty outfit. You might be depressed, but you're also deeply afraid of being called out for such things. And really, what point is there in wearing the same thing every day when changing clothes requires only a thought?
You decide to change into your old KNOCK-OFF GREEN SLIME GHOST shirt and your old shorts. A classic look, not one you're particularly fond of, but it does the job of clothing you without being too outstanding. Thankfully they have grown with you over the years; one of the benefits of your god tier wardrobe has been that all of your clothes magically resize themselves to fit your growing body. How convenient.
After spending far too long contemplating your outfit and staring off into space thinking about your wardrobe, you head down the stairs and open your front door. You are greeted by - is that Dave? What's Dave doing here?
DAVE: sup
JOHN: dave?
JOHN: what are you doing here?
JOHN: you don't usually come all the way out here.
DAVE: oh yeah i just yknow like
DAVE: happened to be in the neighborhood
DAVE: and all
JOHN: yeah?
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: you know the way i do
DAVE: i just kinda hang out and go wherever the bitches are
DAVE: and by bitches i mean karkat i love that bitch
DAVE: hes not actually here i dont even know why i said that lemme back up a bit
DAVE: ahem
DAVE: im in the neighborhood
DAVE: as i just happen to do
DAVE: and i figured yknow why not go see my best bud john i bet hes probably up to some shit but who knows maybe he would be down to hang out and shit
DAVE: yknow?
JOHN: uhhhhhhhh i guess?
JOHN: that still doesn't explain why you're all the way out here though?
DAVE: look idk dude
DAVE: my best buds not responding and shit and a guy gets worried
DAVE: ive been kinda tryin to get a hold of you for a while about stuff like
DAVE: for a while
DAVE: not important stuff i guess its just like we dont talk that much anymore and i kinda miss my best friend and all yknow?
JOHN: i... think?
JOHN: i don't know dave i kind of just woke up and i'm a little tired.
JOHN: i mean i woke up a little while ago i'm just still kind of tired.
DAVE: yeah dude thats cool thats fine
DAVE: look im sure you dont got time to listen to me go on and on about stuff i just figured id come see my best friend and say hi and stuff and see if maybe you wanted to hang out and all
DAVE: karkats back home still he doesnt like going out during the day
DAVE: its the whole trolls are nocturnal thing
DAVE: i kinda got used to it too but i happened to be up a little earlier than usual today which is like weird but i figured hey lets go see if egberts doin anything
You love Dave a lot. He's one of your closest friends, probably second only to Rose. Though she might be tied with someone else. But man does the guy tend to go on and on about stuff.
JOHN: i'm not really doing anything i guess.
JOHN: but i'm good.
JOHN: sorry to make you come all the way out here though.
JOHN: and don't worry about me i'm fine.
JOHN: just kind of forgetful lately i guess.
DAVE: yeah ok thats cool i probably could have called you or something first thats fine
DAVE: oh i do have something important though
DAVE: you should go see your sister
Oh. Jeez, Dave too? Does everybody want you to go see her or something? Are they all planning something?
Wait, no, that's what he was messaging you about the last time he tried to get a hold of you. Something about how she kept bugging him? Calling him gay for you? You hope that's not the case. It would be flattering but you're pretty sure you're not gay.
... Right?
JOHN: ok yeah alright fine.
JOHN: she's still living with you guys right? maybe i could come back with you and we could hang out and she and i could talk or whatever.
DAVE: nah she moved out last night
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: really?
JOHN: did something happen?
DAVE: nah thats just her thing dude
DAVE: she floats around between us and rose some times like she stays a week with us and then hangs with rose and kanaya for a week or sometimes she goes back to her own place
DAVE: its kinda weird but i mean she does what she wants thats cool i get it
DAVE: you know for a while she was talkin about living with you like "oh man what if i spent like a week living with my bro every now and then thatd be cool" and i told her "yeah thatd be cool maybe then we could all hang out more often like youd get him to come out of the house more and all"
JOHN: huh.
JOHN: i mean yeah that might be cool. i guess.
JOHN: i'll try to go see her today maybe.
DAVE: you know egbert that would be a brilliant idea like i love your sister and all but she literally would not stop bugging me about this
DAVE: im all like "hey leave me alone im clearly over here tryin to sweet talk my boyfriend yknow"
JOHN: daaaaaaaave!
JOHN: i said i'd go see her!
JOHN: can you give me some space to prepare for it!!!!!!!!
DAVE: oh shit my bad dude sorry you know i get carried away like that some times
DAVE: wait was that a question
JOHN: yeah, why wouldn't it be!!
DAVE: idk dude thats a lot of exclamation points for a question
DAVE: dont tell me you got her on your mind again
JOHN: bye dave i'll talk to you later.
You close the door before he can suck you into another one of the classic Dave Strider ramble sessions. His voice was starting to get just the tiniest bit grating. Not to mention did he have to keep repeating your name? Or calling you "dude"? Not that you mind of course. You haven't ever minded before. It's just strange. Hey maybe don't think about it actually. You decide maybe instead you should see what your sister has actually been trying to say, she might have left you some messages or something. Who knows? Maybe then you don't actually have to leave the house.
Heading upstairs and back into your room, you sit over at your computer and scroll through various chats she's left you on your favorite INSTANT MESSAGING CLIENT.
-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
GG: hey i love you
...
-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
GG: thinkin about you...
...
-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
GG: hey, jhon
...
GG: never mind i didnt say thhat im sorry i msorry
-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
Wait, what?
Didn't say what?
-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
GG: hey, jhon
EB: hey it is three in the morning
EB: what are you talking about?
EB: are you really doing this at 3am?
EB: i've told you why!!!!!!!!
EB: look just fuck off ok?
GG: never mind i didnt say thhat im sorry i msorry
-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
Glancing at the times those two were posted, you guess she must have typed out a whole thing and spent a solid half hour talking about something before deleting most of it. She also normally doesn't make typos like that. Maybe she was drunk? You certainly can't think of another reason someone would message you with spelling that poor at three in the morning.
And why are there responses from you in there? You don't remember this discussion at all. How long ago was this? Were you drunk too? No, of course not, you don't drink. You've thought about drinking but you would rather wait until after your birthday. Even though most such Earth C laws don't apply to you. You aren't really sure why, but you've always assumed the various kingdoms don't care enough to apply laws to deities. Unless those deities are causing destruction and mayhem across town, or summoning monstrous horrorterrors in the middle of parks.
What were you talking about again?
Dave visiting must have gotten you stuck doing the ramble-y thing again. You know that's not your thing. Your thing is the windy thing. You should stick to doing that.
---------------------------------------------------------
Speaking of the windy thing, you are currently doing that. Not quite at the same pace as yesterday, though. No, today you're a bit more relaxed. You decide to follow the breeze and become one with it, letting it slowly and casually guide you to your destination.
That destination being the outskirts of the Troll Kingdom, roughly at the other end from where Dave and Karkat's hive is. House. Not hive. Why do you keep thinking in troll terms? It's a house. It's not even built like a Troll hive, it's built like your own house, but with the interior built to look like Dave's old apartment pre-Sburb. It's a house.
And on the other end of the Troll Kingdom from that house, you find a grand tower. Grand in size. It's actually quite a modest tower, almost reminiscent of those you vaguely remember seeing on Prospit and Derse, but painted white instead of yellow or purple. It belongs to your DEAR SISTER, and she lives here when she is not living with your friends Dave and Karkat, or your other friends Rose and Kanaya.
Settling in front of the tower, you approach the door. You almost knock, but decide it might be a good idea to message her first. You don't want to surprise-
JADE: john?
JOHN: oh, h-hi jade.
Damn, how did she do that? You're almost positive you didn't make any noise or anything.
JADE: holy shit youre actually here!
JADE: come on in and grab a seat ill make us tea!
JOHN: oh, ok.
She seems unusually chipper? Either way you follow her into the house. Tower. House. Tower-house. Let's go with that. You follow her into the tower-house and decide to sit in her living room. It's remarkably tidy in here; you vaguely remember seeing this room as a mess almost eight years ago. You also vaguely remember an elderly Jake English-looking stuffed man standing in front of the fireplace, but it seems he's gone missing.
JADE: oh yeah i moved grandpa to another room
JADE: he kept scaring people whenever i had anybody over
JADE: so i just moved him to the attic where stuffed me used to live
JOHN: oh yeah, i remember that.
JOHN: the "stuffed you" that you prototyped, hehe.
After a few moments of you looking around the room at the various objects still hanging on the walls, Jade returns to the living room with two mugs of tea. She leaves one in front of you and takes the other for herself.
JADE: so whats up?
JADE: its been a while since weve actually talked!!
JADE: ive missed you a bunch!!
JADE: howve you been??
JOHN: oh, i've been fine.
JOHN: just, y'know, busy.
JOHN: irons in the fire and stuff.
JADE: yeah i know what you mean! ive been kinda busy too
JADE: ive spent like all day getting settled back in, i was living with dave and karkat for like weeks!!!!!
JADE: i think its the longest ive spent in one place in a while, im usually only around for like a week?
JADE: i just didnt feel like moving around again for a while yknow?
JADE: but daves been kinda weird lately so i figured id get out of their hair and just stay by myself for a bit
JOHN: yeah i know what you mean about dave.
JOHN: he's been acting weird, he actually showed up at my door today.
JADE: really?!?!
JOHN: yeah, it was strange.
JOHN: he never just visits unannounced like that, especially not without karkat around.
JADE: honestly?
JADE: if i didnt know any better id say he had a thing for you
JOHN: yeeeeeeeeah, i was kind of thinking about that yesterday.
JOHN: or was it yesterday?
JOHN: i don't remember.
JOHN: but yeah he told me to come see you.
JADE: oh huh thats weird
JADE: did he say anything about why?
JOHN: he just said you needed to talk to me about something?
JADE: oh
The expression on her face turns sour. You might have struck a nerve.
JADE: honestly i dont know why he said that
JADE: i mean
JADE: i did tell him i needed to talk to you but
JADE: i didnt want him to tell you that
JOHN: why not?
JADE: ummmm
JADE: cause i umm
JADE: actually wasnt ready to talk about it
JOHN: ohhhhhhhh...
Well that got awkward fast. Maybe you should leave?
JADE: i was actually kinda just umm...
JADE: hoping you were here to say hi and hang out?
JADE: i really miss you
JADE: and i miss being siblings and stuff and getting to hang out and do things with my brother
There's that feeling again. That feeling you got when Dave kept calling you "dude" and "bro". What's with that feeling? And why is she calling you that?
Oh. Yeah. It's because you are her brother. You forget some times. It's rare you actually hear that word. Well. When it's said in full like that. You've gotten no shortage of "bro" over the years from several of your friends. But the only person who actually calls you "brother" you hardly ever see anymore, so you hardly ever hear that word.
But that still doesn't explain the weird feeling it gives you when you hear it. Why does this keep happening lately? You don't remember ever getting this feeling before, right?
JOHN: ok well, we don't have to talk about it then.
JOHN: it's fine.
JOHN: i'll just head back home.
JOHN: it's all good.
JADE: wait!!!!!
JADE: you dont have to leave yet we can still hang out!!!
JADE: well find something to do and have fun together like we used to!!!
JOHN: oh i.
JOHN: sorry i kinda don't really want to.
JOHN: i'm not actually feeling that well today, i only really came over cause i thought you needed to talk to me. i figured i'd go ahead and do that so we could talk about it.
JOHN: but if not i'd kind of rather just go home, and lie down or something.
JADE: but john you like
JADE: just got here!!!
JADE: john please dont leave already i missed you!! ;-;
You wince a bit hearing your name. Just like when Dave kept saying it over and over and over again. Where is this coming from? You don't have time to think about it, you decide to just get up and start heading out so you can go home.
JADE: john why do you keep ignoring me???
JADE: why are you still ignoring me???
JADE: why don't you ever fucking talk to me anymore????
What?
Ignoring her?
You stop in your tracks and turn around.
JOHN: ignoring you?
JOHN: is that what you think i'm doing?
JOHN: i'm not ignoring you jade!
JOHN: or at least, i'm not trying to!
JOHN: fuck it, you know what jade? i'm AFRAID of you!!!!!!!!
JADE: wh... wha?
You start to vaguely recall the details of your three in the morning argument from the other day, only too late as you start to rehash the exact same argument. But you just can't help yourself for some reason.
JOHN: jade i've been reading your messages constantly!
JOHN: every day i check and read them!
JOHN: i just don't know how to respond!
JOHN: because every time i try to i just, sit there!
JOHN: i sit there and stare at my computer
JOHN: or my phone
JOHN: and i just
JOHN: freeze.
JOHN: i try to say something and i freeze and nothing comes out and i don't know how to respond.
JOHN: and it's not just you!
JOHN: do you really think it's just you?!
JOHN: it's EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!
JOHN: when dave came by it wasn't just to tell me about you, he was worried about me!
JOHN: because i can't ever talk to him either!
JOHN: because i haven't been able to respond to him in days!!!!!!!!
Her expression gets angrier as you raise your voice.
JADE: yeah well
JADE: what about me?!?!
JADE: im worried about you too!!
JADE: john im worried fucking sick about you!!!
JADE: you could have at least told me you werent feeling well!!
JADE: you can tell your friends you arent feeling well you dont have to just
JADE: ignore everybody for fucking years!!!!!! >:(
JOHN: oh my gooooooood jade you don't fucking get it do you!!
JOHN: you don't understand!! you're not LISTENING to me!!
JOHN: you don't know how hard it is for me to talk to anyone!!
JOHN: it's not just you i'm afraid of, it's not just you i'm afraid to talk to, it's not just fucking you i'm afraid of saying anything to!!!!!!!!
JOHN: i genuinely cannot talk to ANYBODY anymore jade!
JOHN: i can't even leave my house anymore!
JADE: john i-
There's your stupid name again. The fire in your chest suddenly burns even hotter, and your tone shifts from one of defense to that of someone on the attack.
JOHN: stop CALLING me that!!!!!!!!
JADE: what?!?
JOHN: that fucking name stop it!!!!!!!!
JOHN: first dave and now you what the fuck!!
JOHN: this is part of it!! this is fucking part of it!!
You start angrily pacing around the room, growing less aware of your surroundings as you continue to shout at your sister.
JOHN: first you tell me that you're worried, but you never do anything to help!
JOHN: nobody does!
JOHN: everyone keeps telling me they're worried but nobody actually bothers to do anything about it!
JOHN: and then you keep calling me...
JOHN: THAT.
JOHN: or you keep calling me "brother" or "bro" or "dude" or "bud" fucking.
JOHN: EVERYONE keeps saying all of these things and it just-
JOHN: it makes me feel fucking WRONG!!!!!!!!
JOHN: jade every time i talk to you i feel wrong.
JOHN: i feel like i don't belong.
JOHN: like i shouldn't fucking exist!
JOHN: i don't know how to explain it but the way you keep saying that stuff!
JOHN: i don't even know WHY but it just feels wrong!
JOHN: it makes me feel wrong and it makes me feel SICK and it HURTS and i don't even know WHY and i just
JOHN: FUCK!!!!!!!!
You stand there, panting, heart racing. Something is wrong. Why did you lash out like that? Why did you say all of that? Is she crying? She looks like she's starting to cry. What did you do?
JADE: john, i- im sorry, i didnt-
JOHN: no.
JOHN: i shouldn't have come here.
JOHN: this was a mistake.
JOHN: fuck i shouldn't have come here this was all a mistake i shouldn't have fucking said all of that fuck.
JOHN: you're gonna fucking hate me now i shouldn't have said all that i shouldn't have said any of that i shouldn't have yelled and screamed at you like that i fucking-
JADE: JOHN!!!
The breeze begins to swell. Gusts of air begin to fill the room.
JOHN: fuck you're gonna h8 me now fucking i shouldn't have fucking said any of that
JADE: john i dont fucking ha-
The air swells and knocks her off her feet. She sits back up, but when she looks in your direction, you're not there.
The breeze begins to dissipate as you fly away, once again one with the wind.
Chapter 3
You were once the human known as JOHN EGBERT. You used to have a variety of interests, but now you are DEPRESSED and INTROVERTED. Currently you are fading into the wind. Your ASPECT grants you this power, as you have used NUMEROUS TIMES the last eight years. Today might be the longest you have intentionally spent in this form, or at least you don't recall losing yourself to the wind for this long before. This time you feel as if you could stay in this form forever.
You are not sure where you are at the moment. Not that you particularly care. You can't see your surroundings very well. Of course you can't. You don't use your vision to navigate in this form. You find it challenging to explain to others, but you navigate primarily with your other senses. Your WINDY POWERS allow you to pick up on where you are without actually needing to see. A friend of yours once described her own ability to navigate without sight in a similar way.
Following the breeze out in what feels like the woods, you come across a clearing. It seems cozy. It's been a while, and you suppose now would be a good time to sit and think about what just happened. Though, perhaps after you finish gazing at this sunset. It's lovely, and the color reminds you of an old friend you've been missing lately. The strange "THANKS FOR PLAYING" text still appears off to the side of the sun, which confuses you to no end, but you and your friends typically just laugh it off whenever it comes up in conversation.
Thinking about your friends causes your thoughts to drift towards your sister. How you lashed out at her. How she started to cry. How upset she was when you screamed at her. All because she felt ignored by you. Her brother and, previously, closest friend.
Why did you do that? Why did you have to bring it up? Why did you have to tell her all of those things? Why couldn't you just be what she needed in that moment and suppress your feelings again, as you normally do? Now Jade hates you. Right? She's mad at you, you made her cry. You hurt her. You lashed out and screamed and fought her. Why wouldn't she be mad at you? Why wouldn't she hate you? And what is that buzzing again?
Oh. It's your MOBILE DEVICE. Yet again. You tell yourself you have got to stop forgetting about it.
-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --
GC: 3GB3RT
GC: YOU TH3R3?
GC: 1 N33D TO T3LL YOU SOM3TH1NG
GC: 1TS K1ND OF 1MPORT4NT
GC: H3Y
GC: DON'T 1GNOR3 M3 3GB3RT
...
You don't really feel like talking to her right now. Normally you would. She's probably your best friend, other than Rose. But you're busy right now. Besides, it's probably something to do with the girl she's been searching for, and while you miss the both of them, they're not exactly pressing matters at the moment. Certainly not more pressing than freaking out about your sister.
The sun is still setting, the orange remnants beginning to fade as the sky turns a dark shade of blue. You think you could be fine with this, you like blue. It is your color after all. Glancing at the horizon you notice a layer of green between the orange of the sun and the blue of the night sky. You don't think you've ever noticed that before, but it looks strangely beautiful. Until it, too, reminds you of your sister.
Maybe you should just go home. Even the growing night sky and the peaceful loneliness that had previously given you solace is beginning to eat away at you, constantly reminding you of your failures. Your mistakes. Your outbursts.
Outbursts? As in plural?
You don't recall having any others. But something in your subconscious suggests this isn't the first time you lashed out at someone. It's probably not even the first time you lashed out at Jade. Why else would it suggest "outbursts" over "outburst"?
Your phone buzzes again. And again. And again, and again, and again, and god what does she want now? Can't she tell you're soliloquizing?
GC: 3GB3RT 4R3 YOU FUCK1NG TH3R3???
GC: 4NSW3R M3 N3RD
GC: 1M GONN4 FLY B4CK TH3R3 4ND FUCK1NG K1CK YOUR 4SS 1F YOU DON'T
You go to respond to her, but halfway through typing your message she's calling you. Man, this girl is impatient.
JOHN: what what what is it what do you want i was typing up a fucking reply god!!!!!!!!
TEREZI: H3Y
TEREZI: TH4TS NO W4Y TO T4LK TO YOUR B3ST FR13ND 1S 1T?
TEREZI: J3GUS 3GB3RT YOU WOUND M3
JOHN: ugh, sorry.
JOHN: look i am just in a shit mood ok?
JOHN: what did you have to tell me?
JOHN: is it something about her?
TEREZI: C4LM YOUR RUMBL3 SPH3R3S, DORK
TEREZI: 1M JUST FUCK1NG W1TH YOU
TEREZI: Y34H 1 FOUND 4 F3W MOR3 OF H3R TH1NGS
TEREZI: 4T L34ST 1 TH1NK TH3Y'R3 H3RS
JOHN: fuck.
JOHN: what did you find?
TEREZI: 1 FOUND 4 R34LLY T4STY SHO3 4ND 4 BROK3N P41R OF GL4SS3S
TEREZI: BOTH COV3R3D 1N BLU3 ST41NS
JOHN: terezi did you lick her shoes?
JOHN: her shoes covered in what is probably her blood?
TEREZI: OF COURS3 1 D1D 3GB3RT
TEREZI: HOW 3LS3 WOULD 1 KNOW TH3Y W3R3 R3D?
JOHN: couldn't you just like, smell them?
JOHN: isn't that what you normally do?
TEREZI: 3GB3RT
JOHN: yes?
TEREZI: TH3Y W3R3 R3D 4ND D3L1C1OUS
TEREZI: 1 4M ONLY FL3SH 4ND BLOOD
JOHN: you know you've said that to me before right?
TEREZI: WH4T?
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: way back in- wait, no you wouldn't remember.
JOHN: it was in the other timeline.
TEREZI: WH4T W4S 1N TH3 OTH3R T1M3L1N3
JOHN: when everybody died and stuff, and you took jade's sparkly red god tier shoes.
JOHN: god, jade...
JOHN: god dammit.
TEREZI: 1 DO R3M3MB3R TH4T JOHN
TEREZI: WH4TS GO1NG ON W1TH J4D3?
JOHN: don't worry about it. i'll tell you some other time.
JOHN: tell me more about what's going on out there?
TEREZI: 1 4M JUST 4 L1TTL3 WORR13D 4BOUT H3R 1S 4LL
TEREZI: NOT TO M3NT1ON 1'M T1R3D
TEREZI: 4ND HUNGRY
TEREZI: 4ND BOR3D
TEREZI: FUCK
TEREZI: JOHN YOU WOULDNT B3L13V3 HOW FUCK1NG BOOOOOR1NG P4R4DOX SP4C3 1S
JOHN: woooooooow, really?
JOHN: paradox space is boring?
JOHN: i never would have guessed :P
TEREZI: H3Y >:[
TEREZI: MY THR34T 1S ST1LL ON TH3 T4BL3, DORK
TEREZI: DONT M4K3 M3 COM3 B4CK 4ND OP3N UP YOUR 4NGU1SH BL4DD3R
JOHN: ohhhhhhhh noooooooo i'm so scared!
JOHN: please don't come back to all your friends who care about you!
JOHN: that would be the worst!
TEREZI: HOLY SH1T WH3N D1D YOU G3T SO SN4RKY?
TEREZI: D1D YOU F1ND H3R B3FOR3 M3?
TEREZI: YOU SOUND L1K3 4 G1RL 3GB3RT
You laugh. That might be the first time in days you've really laughed at something. Wait what did she call you?
JOHN: heheh. it looks like you called me "girl egbert".
TEREZI: Y34H W3LL
TEREZI: SOM3T1M3S YOU 4CT L1K3 ON3
TEREZI: OR 4T L34ST L1K3 TH3 G1RLS 1 KNOW
TEREZI: MOST OF WHOM 4R3 SN4RKY B1TCH3S >:]
JOHN: doesn't that include you?
TEREZI: 3V4D1NG TH3 QU3ST1ON, 3GB3RT!
JOHN: what?!?!
JOHN: what question!!!!!!!!
TEREZI: TH3 QU3ST1ON OF WHY 4R3 YOU 4 SN4RKY B1TCH NOW
TEREZI: COM3 ON, 3GB3RT
TEREZI: L34RN TO K33P UP
JOHN: what were we even talking about?
JOHN: something about paradox space?
JOHN: oh yeah, you said you were worried.
TEREZI: 4 L1TTL3 Y34H
TEREZI: 4BOUT 4 LOT OF TH1NGS
TEREZI: MOSTLY H3R
JOHN: hey, don't worry, you'll find her.
JOHN: eventually.
JOHN: who knows? maybe you've almost caught up to her?
TEREZI: TH4TS K1ND OF 3X4CTLY TH3 PROBL3M JOHN
TEREZI: 1M WORR13D TH4T 1LL F1ND H3R SOON
TEREZI: 4ND TH4T 1 WONT L1K3 WH4T 1 F1ND
JOHN: yeah...
JOHN: well, i hope you find her alive and well.
JOHN: i mean, she has to be out there, right?
JOHN: how else will she return to being the main character and getting all of the attention? :P
TEREZI: YOUR3 NOT WRONG TH3R3 3GB3RT
TEREZI: 4LR1GHT 1 4M GO1NG TO G3T B4CK TO LOOK1NG
TEREZI: YOU SHOULD PROB4BLY GO HOM3, YOU SM3LL L1K3 4 S4D S4CK
JOHN: what?!
JOHN: how do you know that i'm not at home?!
JOHN: and how can you smell that i'm a sad sack over the phone?!
JOHN: i mean i am not a sad sack!!
JOHN: but how can you tell that?!
TEREZI: 1 C4NT 4CTU4LLY SM3LL YOU R1GHT NOW DUMP4SS
TEREZI: 1 C4NT B3L13V3 YOU BOUGHT TH4T
JOHN: ugh!!!!!!!!
TEREZI: 1TS JUST 4 F33L1NG 1 H4D
TEREZI: GO HOM3 JOHN
TEREZI: 1LL T4LK TO YOU N3XT T1M3 1 H4V3 1NFO
JOHN: ok fiiiiiiiine i'll go home :/
TEREZI: 4ND DONT TH1NK 1M NOT COUNT1NG THOS3 SHOUT POL3S
JOHN: what are you talking about?!
TEREZI: GO HOM3 JOHN
JOHN: ok!! ok!! i'm going home!!
JOHN: stay safe, terezi!
What is she talking about? Shout poles? Must be a troll word for something. You decide to gaze at the sunset one last time, now that the sun is almost completely gone. You see the green flare on the horizon again, and while it still reminds you of your sister, it also reminds you of a friend. At least she doesn't hate you. Or if she does it's that weird kind of troll hate-romance.
... She doesn't want to be your, what's that word again? Kiss something?
GC: TH3 WORD 1S K1SM3S1S, DUMP4SS >:]
-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --
How did she?
You decide not to question it. She is a SEER, and her ASPECT is MIND, so you figure she has some dumb, mystical way of reading your thoughts. The fact she only bothered to correct you and not answer your question bothers you. Though, from what you understand, if she wanted to be your kismesis, she would probably be much more hateful. Right?
You start to summon the winds, so you can do the windy thing and head back home, until you realize you don't actually know where you are. You got lost out here intentionally, remember? Still, there is one option you can use. You could always use your other power. You hate using that power, it kind of scares you a little. Control over the timeline without any meddling from paradox space resulting in your timeline becoming doomed is a powerful thing, and potentially dangerous in the wrong hands.
But thankfully, they are not in the wrong hands. Rather, they're in the hands of a MENTALLY UNSTABLE DORK.
... Maybe they are in the wrong hands.
Either way, you summon thoughts of your living room, and focus on the current time, and...
*zap*
---------------------------------------------------------
Ahhhh, home sweet home.
ROSE: John?
Wait what?
JOHN: rose?
KANAYA: Oh John There You Are
JOHN: kanaya?
JOHN: what are you two doing here?
What are they doing here? And how did they get in?
ROSE: Well, we heard from Jade that you'd disappeared, and that she was worried.
ROSE: She messaged Dave and I and asked us to check on you.
KANAYA: Karkat And I Both Apparently Decided To Join In Checking Up On You
ROSE: When we got here you were gone, so Dave and Karkat decided to go looking for you.
The front door opens, and speak of the devil...
DAVE: hey we cant find him
KARKAT: THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, ASSHOLE.
DAVE: oh yeah imagine that
You were just feeling better, and now they're all worried about you and you're feeling annoyed and upset again. Wonderful.
JOHN: well fine ok.
JOHN: here i am.
JOHN: i'm 8ack, i'm fine.
JOHN: you can all go home now.
DAVE: dude are you sure youre fine?
DAVE: jade says you kinda just stormed out of her place *literally* and then disappeared for hours
DAVE: nobody could get a hold of you
JOHN: hours?
KANAYA: Yes John
KANAYA: Hours
You glance at your MOBILE DEVICE. Holy shit. You thought you were just gone for an hour. Has it really been six hours since you left your sister's tower-house? You then remember what time of year it is, and that sunset in this part of the world is reasonably late in the evening. You don't typically think about the passage of time anymore, especially not to these lengths.
JOHN: sorry.
JOHN: i just kind of needed to think for a bit.
KARKAT: OH OK.
KARKAT: YOU NEEDED TO *THINK* FOR A BIT.
KARKAT: BECAUSE YOUR HUMAN THINK-PAN ISN'T SMART ENOUGH TO FUCKING THINK IN A WAY THAT DOESN'T TERRIFY PEOPLE?
KARKAT: WHAT COULD *POSSIBLY* BE-HRMRPHRMRPHRR
Before Karkat can finish his sentence, you see Dave reach over and place his finger on Karkat's lips.
DAVE: shoosh babe
KARKAT: HRMPBMRPHRHPRHMRHMPHPRHPRHPM!!!!!!!!!
KANAYA: He Does Have A Point Though John
KANAYA: Why Would You Need To Disappear For Such A Long Period Of Time If Only To Think
DAVE: yeah dude why would you need to spend *that* long thinking about stuff
JOHN: it's nothing!!!!!!!!
JOHN: don't worry about it.
JOHN: seriously i'm fine just
JOHN: ugh.
You walk towards your couch and seat yourself, hoping they'll all walk out of the still open front door. Does Dave not understand how to close doors or something? And can they all stop using your name? At least Terezi mostly just calls you by your last name.
ROSE: Are you sure?
ROSE: You know we're all here for you, John.
You withdraw upon hearing your name yet again.
DAVE: yeah were all like here to support you and stuff
DAVE: yknow like friends
DAVE: cause were all your friends
KARKAT: YEAH, ASSHOLE.
DAVE: karkat my dude maybe dont call him an asshole right now
KARKAT: SORRY, I'M A LITTLE UPSET.
DAVE: yeah i can kinda tell
DAVE: hey egbert you wanna maybe come crash at our place for a couple nights? yknow get you out of this old place?
Your anger starts welling up yet again. Part of you wishes you could accept the offer, to be honest. It might be nice to-
JOHN: no. i'm fine.
Oh. You sure it wouldn't be a good idea to-
JOHN: i S8ID i'm fine.
JOHN: look just leave me alone ok?
JOHN: i'm alright i'll 8e fine.
DAVE: alright dude well if you say youre fine then i trust you i know you mean well and all
DAVE: were your friends and we all love you
DAVE: even karkat
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN STRIDER?
KARKAT: ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY I DON'T?
KARKAT: LOOK I KNOW I FUCKING HATED HIM YEARS AGO THAT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME. THINGS ARE DIFFERENT NOW YOU FUCKING GRUBSHITTING ASSCACTUS.
DAVE: hey babe chill its fine it was a *joke* im just messing with you
KARKAT: FUCK YOU DON'T YOU *BABE* ME.
KANAYA: Boys Do You Really Think Now Is The Right Time For This
KANAYA: John I Deeply Apologize For The Trouble We Have Put You Through Tonight
KANAYA: I Hope You Are Able To Overcome Whats Troubling You And I Hope You Know That
KANAYA: As You Are A Very Dear Friend To Rose I Consider You A Part Of Our Family
KANAYA: And Our Spare Respiteblock Is Open To You Should You So Need It
DAVE: yeah dude if you ever need you can crash on our couch it doesnt bite
JOHN: thanks, kanaya, and dave.
JOHN: and you're fine karkat.
JOHN: i love you all.
JOHN: i would really just like to be alone now.
Wow, maybe Terezi was right about you, you do sound like a sad sack don't you?
You watch as your friends start to leave. Except for Rose. Once the others have left, she stays behind for a moment.
ROSE: You know, John.
ROSE: Would it be alright if, instead of dragging you out away from your home, I were to spend the night here?
JOHN: what?
JOHN: why do you wanna st8y here?
ROSE: To tell you the truth, things have been very busy lately.
ROSE: I have been helping Kanaya attend to her motherly duties and, while of course I am perfectly happy to do so, I have been looking for excuses to relax a bit lately.
ROSE: Not to mention it can get fairly loud.
JOHN: yeah i bet.
ROSE: Besides, I enjoyed our time yesterday.
ROSE: I wouldn't mind another excuse to interact with my oldest friend.
ROSE: If you don't mind, of course.
Why is everyone so intent on not leaving you alone all of a sudden? It's not like you're going to do something drastic like leap off a bridge, or, I don't know, zap yourself out of canonical existence? What would that even entail? And what do you mean by canonical? Is your life canon? Why do you care? What does canon even mean?
This is stupid. Let's not waste time thinking about such things. Instead let's waste time thinking about how you're going to respond to your best friend.
JOHN: yeah, ok, fine.
JOHN: i guess it's alright.
---------------------------------------------------------
The two of you wasted a good half an hour attempting to set up the television that you haven't used in ages. You've taken to watching movies on your computer lately, it feels comfier for some reason. Plus it allows you to send your friends stupid jokes while you watch them without having to use a separate device. Not that you ever really message them anyways. Why are you thinking about that again? Don't you bully yourself enough already?
You are currently watching a carapacian drama. Dave suggested it to you both ages ago, but neither of you ever bothered to watch it. It's not like you really ever watch television anyways. Nor does Rose. You're more of a movie guy. You needed something to keep on for noise, however. It feels less awkward that way.
JOHN: oh hey, here comes another one with jake's ass.
ROSE: Again?
ROSE: It's honestly astounding how often they play these.
ROSE: It's almost as if he's contractually required to appear in every single advertisement on this station.
JOHN: heh, it might actually be.
JOHN: the people can't get enough of it.
ROSE: I can't say I understand the appeal of it.
ROSE: And yet...
ROSE: I won't deny that despite my feelings about boys, and especially about him, one could indeed bounce a quarter off of that boy's ass.
JOHN: it's almost hypnotic sometimes.
JOHN: maybe it's jane.
ROSE: I really doubt she's editing herself into all of Jake's advertisements, John.
JOHN: no no like
JOHN: it's all a plot!
JOHN: she's trying to take over the world by hypnotizing everyone into doing her bidding, and she's using jake's ass to hypnotize everyone!
ROSE: Hmmmm...
ROSE: You do have a point there.
ROSE: Though I don't think I can say I would expect that of her, given her own history with brainwashing.
JOHN: that's true...
Well now you feel like an asshole again.
Oh. She's giggling. Ok, maybe it was fine.
ROSE: I still wouldn't entirely put it past her, though.
ROSE: You never know.
ROSE: Your family can be properly devious when you put your minds to it, John.
That is your name. Was that really necessary? You wince a bit upon hearing it. Why is it even bothering you so much? Has it always bothered you? You haven't ever minded before. It's just stra-
No, you've definitely been bothered by it before. It bothered you this morning. It bothered you again this afternoon. It bothered you just a little bit ago, when your friends kept using it. Maybe it's always been like this? You really can't rememb-
ROSE: Hey, are you alright?
You blink. You must have spaced out again.
JOHN: yeah i'm fine.
ROSE: You know you're a terrible liar, right?
Damn. Foiled again by flighty broads.
JOHN: it's really nothing.
JOHN: honest.
JOHN: it's just...
You clam up for a moment. Do you really want to get into this with her? Especially now? Why can't you just enjoy your night together?
ROSE: Go on.
JOHN: it's just my name. hearing it kinda 8ugged me.
JOHN: that's all.
But really, is that all? Surely this can't have been going on for all that long. You'd remember, right?
Or maybe you wouldn't.
In fact, you're fairly sure now you wouldn't remember it, because not only did you forget how many times it happened today alone, you also remember other times it's bothered you. You remember how much it hurt to hear your name at your birthday every year. That's why you stopped celebrating with everyone. You remember how much it hurt to hear or read your name whenever your friends said it, either in person or over your favorite INSTANT MESSAGING CLIENT. That's why you stopped talking to people. Even if it meant you were all alone.
ROSE: Earth C to John, are you there?
You snap back to reality. What happened? You seem to have gotten deeply lost in thought. Your friend looks worried. Did you space out for too long?
JOHN: rose?
ROSE: Yes?
JOHN: have...
JOHN: have you ever been depressed?
ROSE: ... Is that a serious question?
JOHN: of course it's a serious fucking question rose!
ROSE: I'm sorry.
ROSE: I only asked because I assumed it was plainly obvious.
JOHN: oh.
You blush sheepishly, but she chuckles a bit. She doesn't seem upset. But you snapped at her? She reaches out and-
Oh.
Her hand's on your shoulder.
Huh.
ROSE: I've had issues with depression for most of my life, I think.
ROSE: Likely a product of growing up as I did.
ROSE: While I realize now my mother was very likely not the cruel, capricious, passive-aggressive bitch I believed her to be, her inability to ever talk to me was still damaging.
ROSE: But despite that, it still hurt to see what had happened to her.
ROSE: During Sburb, when I went grimdark, and saw her body lying in a pool of blood, I didn't have the time to process it.
ROSE: We were playing the game, of course.
ROSE: There was no time to pause. We had a single day to do what needed to be done.
ROSE: Do you remember my plan? Or, the plan I had decided to put into action, rather?
JOHN: yeah, blow up the green sun and cause the scratch.
JOHN: but it ended up just creating the green sun didn't it?
ROSE: Yes, but that's beside the point.
ROSE: As ill-planned as it was, and despite the way it turned out, there was another reason I was so dead set on carrying it out.
ROSE: Part of me was lashing out.
ROSE: I...
ROSE: I should probably mention I've not told anyone but Kanaya what I'm going to tell you.
JOHN: don't worry, i won't tell anyone.
JOHN: promise.
ROSE: Thank you. I appreciate it.
ROSE: Not that I thought you would. I trust you.
She pauses for a moment, removing her hand from your shoulder and looking down into her lap.
ROSE: Seeing what I saw, and especially after Jack stabbed you, even knowing later on you would come back...
ROSE: I wanted to get everything over with, including my life.
ROSE: It's why it had to be me who blew up the sun.
ROSE: Why I refused to let Strider get involved despite his aggravating persistence.
ROSE: I wasn't aware I would be revived afterwards, and admittedly I felt a sense of relief.
ROSE: But then I had something else to challenge me.
ROSE: Life on the meteor.
You weren't privy to most of what happened on the meteor. Even in the old timeline, you didn't know what had happened. From what you can tell it must have been hellish, being trapped for three years with a killer clown on the loose. Though, you guess he hadn't been allowed to roam near as much once you'd fixed things.
ROSE: It was nice to be away from the action for a while, even for as long and as boring as the journey was.
ROSE: It meant however that I had far too much time on my hands.
ROSE: Whereas before I couldn't stop to process what had happened, I had to keep going.
ROSE: On the meteor I had nothing *but* time to reflect on all of it.
ROSE: For three entire years.
JOHN: god that must have been awful :(
ROSE: Why do you think I started drinking?
ROSE: And then had to be chased and kept away from it by your old cerulean flame?
JOHN: hey wait what do you mean by that?
ROSE: Really, Jo-
ROSE: Err, do you want me to stop calling you that? If it's bugging you I don't have to.
JOHN: please, yes.
ROSE: Really, it was honestly too obvious how you felt about her.
ROSE: The only shocking part was how quickly it all happened, and how quickly it fell apart, from what you've told me before.
You know who she's talking about. You don't know what she's talking about. You certainly never had feelings for her, she was just your cool troll friend. That's why you're patiently awaiting her return home with your other cool troll friend Terezi.
ROSE: That's beside the matter, however.
ROSE: Still, she kept me from giving in and drinking too much in order to not feel the pain anymore.
ROSE: I do owe her for that.
ROSE: Kanaya on the other hand helped me realize that perhaps my life was still worth living.
ROSE: She was someone to talk to, someone I could trust to care about me.
ROSE: She was, and is, all of those things and more, and without here I likely wouldn't be here, today, in your living room.
ROSE: Three years wasn't enough time to process thirteen years of living in what felt like hell, but between the two of them, and the rest of our friends I'd been stuck with, it was enough to help me prepare for our eventual arrival.
ROSE: From there, I had hoped that, should things turn out well for us, I'd finally have the time to truly think about these things and begin to properly heal.
JOHN: rose...
JOHN: god i'm sorry i didn't even know about all of this.
JOHN: i feel like i've been 8itching for, what, years now?
JOHN: meanwhile here you are dealing with all of this-
ROSE: That's not why I shared this with you.
JOHN: what?
You look at her, puzzled, through the tears beginning to well in your eyes.
ROSE: I shared these things with you because I'm starting to improve.
ROSE: I still deal with this almost daily, and sometimes I have days that are much worse than usual, but now I'm prepared to cope in a much healthier way.
ROSE: I have my friends to turn to as well, even and especially you.
ROSE: I'm telling you this because I want you to know, it's ok to feel these things.
JOHN: it, is?
ROSE: Yes.
ROSE: And it's ok to need help.
ROSE: Not to mention you have friends who want to help you.
ROSE: I want to help you, J- friend.
ROSE: My oldest and dearest friend.
She grabs your hand. You continue trying to fight back your tears.
ROSE: Talk to me.
ROSE: If you feel comfortable doing so.
JOHN: are-
JOHN: are you sure?
JOHN: is that ok?
ROSE: I wouldn't be going to so much trouble to convince you it's ok if it were not, in fact, ok.
JOHN: that's, a good point.
JOHN: ok.
You shift around a bit, feeling uncomfortable. Taking a deep breath and trying even harder to refrain from crying, you decide to talk to her.
JOHN: i feel...
JOHN: wrong.
JOHN: like.
JOHN: god i don't know how to put it.
JOHN: have you ever just...
JOHN: have you ever felt completely and utterly just, disgusted?
JOHN: with every single facet of yourself?
JOHN: your appearance, your identity, everything about you is just *wrong*?
JOHN: even something as stupid as your own name?
She looks away for a moment in contemplation.
ROSE: I'm not sure to the extent you're insinuating, but sometimes, yes.
ROSE: Would you care to explain?
JOHN: i don't know how else to explain it.
JOHN: everything just feels wrong.
JOHN: and every time i talk to anybody it just feels even worse, like every time i talk to anybody they just make me feel even more *wrong*.
JOHN: i...
JOHN: i blew up at jade today.
ROSE: I'm not surprised.
JOHN: you're not?!
ROSE: Well, I'm shocked you did that, but it doesn't surprise me that that's what led to you disappearing for a while, based on what she said and how you've been acting all night.
JOHN: oh...
ROSE: I'm sorry, please continue.
JOHN: it's fine.
JOHN: i just got so...
JOHN: angry.
JOHN: she accused me of ignoring her when i'm the one who's been feeling ignored.
JOHN: ignored and hurt and *wrong*.
JOHN: because all of you keep saying things like "oh i'm here for you john" or "i'm here if you need me", but until today,
JOHN: until you sat me down and told me it was ok to talk to you, it feels like nobody has actually done anything to help.
JOHN: that plus constantly being called things like "brother" or "dude" or "bro" or even my own fucking name!!!!!!!!
JOHN: it just won't stop!!!!!!!!
JOHN: i...
You take a deep breath and try to calm down. Rose is here to help, you remind yourself. You don't need to yell at her. You don't want to yell at her.
JOHN: i'm sorry, i started to yell again.
ROSE: It's alright. I promise.
JOHN: i don't even know why that's getting to me so much lately. it never used to be like this.
JOHN: except...
JOHN: it kind of always did?
JOHN: i think i just kind of buried it for years?
JOHN: but now it's all coming back up and i don't know what to do about it and it's scaring me.
The tears are starting to stream down your face. You don't seem to be able to hold them back anymore.
JOHN: rose there's something fucking wrong with me and i don't know what it is and i'm scared.
She pulls you into a hug. The tears stop streaming and start pouring. You can't keep from sobbing now.
ROSE: It's going to be alright, I promise.
She looks into your eyes, and you return her gaze.
ROSE: I'm here for you. Right now I'm here for you. We all are. I promise.
ROSE: I know it doesn't feel like it, but everyone cares about you.
JOHN: h-how do you know that for sure though?
ROSE: Because four of your friends spent six hours worrying about you in and around your house, and one of them is staying the night, holding you, and telling you it's going to be alright.
JOHN: ...
JOHN: that's a good point...
You wipe away the tears still pouring from your eyes. She reaches for the remote and shuts off the television that you'd completely forgotten was still on.
ROSE: Why don't we change the topic to something a little more light-hearted?
ROSE: It might be good for you to relax a bit.
JOHN: that's also a good point.
The both of you move around and get a bit more comfortable on the couch, and spend the rest of the night talking shit about your friends. Lovingly of course. As Friends Do.
Chapter 4
Morning. Again. You wake up a little earlier than usual. Your companion does as well, though she is used to waking up at this hour. It seems your night together was mutually painful on this old couch. Especially when you fall asleep cuddling.
Wait what?
You jerk away and shift to the end of the couch, embarrassed.
ROSE: Well, good morning to you too. Are you alright?
JOHN: yeah i uhh, just feel awkward.
JOHN: were we, cuddling?
ROSE: Do you want that to be the case? Or are you wishing it weren't?
JOHN: i don't know!!
JOHN: i just, i don't-
ROSE: It's alright, I'm teasing you.
ROSE: To ease your troubled memory, no, there was nothing more that happened last night.
JOHN: oh ok good.
JOHN: i mean uhhhh it would have just been
JOHN: awkward, right?
JOHN: if anything did happen i mean, hahahaha!
ROSE: Perhaps it would have been awkward. But it didn't happen, so there isn't any way to tell.
JOHN: hah, yeah, exactly.
ROSE: Though, had such things happened, I can assure you, Kanaya would not be particularly upset.
JOHN: hahahah hey how about we don't talk about this anymore?
ROSE: Suit yourself.
ROSE: Is there anything wrong with a little cuddling between close friends?
JOHN: well, no, i guess.
ROSE: Then what's causing your embarrassment?
JOHN: i just...
JOHN: i don't want you to think i'm in love with you!
JOHN: i mean that wouldn't be a bad thing if it were i just don't want you to think that!
ROSE: John, I'm gay.
JOHN: i know that rose!!!!!!!!
You feel as if you've had enough of FLIGHTY BROADS for the day, and the day has only just begun. Thankfully she is still laughing at you, so whatever awkwardness you are showing off appears to be amusing her rather than bothering her. You would rather be amusing than upsetting. You decide to get up and offer her breakfast, but she declines, instead preferring to make her way home.
She gathers herself and the few things she brought with her, and makes her way to your front door. She stops for a moment in front of you before reaching out to embrace you.
ROSE: I'd like you to promise me something.
JOHN: what's up?
ROSE: Please, *please* reach out to me if you need. Preferably before things get bottled up and repressed and spill out with the force they did last night. For your sake.
ROSE: I want to keep reminding you until it truly sinks in, you are my closest and oldest friend and you mean more to me than anyone in this world apart from my matesprit and possibly the wonderful person that I once knew as my mother.
ROSE: At the *very* least you are more than welcome to stay on our couch any time should you need it.
JOHN: ok ok ok i get it! heheh.
JOHN: i will do my best!
JOHN: thank you for listening, i really needed that, i don't think i realized just how much.
ROSE: You'd be surprised to find out just how helpful simply having someone to talk to can be.
ROSE: I should stress that no matter how much I do attempt to play therapist, I am not your therapist, and I can't always be around 100% of the time.
ROSE: But if you need an ear to listen you are always more than welcome to reach out.
JOHN: thank you, rose.
JOHN: seriously, thank you.
JOHN: maybe i can start to figure out whatever this is.
You watch her walk out your front door and close it behind her, and as you do a sinking feeling fills your chest. You are once again alone, but this time you have a plethora of things on your mind that you are alone with. Shaking your head, you wander to your kitchen and prepare something to eat. Maybe breakfast will take your mind off of things, at least long enough for you to find yet another distraction. At the very least, perhaps it will help you engage with these thoughts in a more productive way.
You sit alone on your couch and eat your NUTRITIONAL MORNING MEAL. It doesn't taste very good, but then again when has that bothered you? You've been eating them almost daily for the past few years. Almost daily because there are days where you just don't feel up to eating breakfast. Or lunch. Or even dinner. Days where you manage to force yourself to snack on something just to keep your energy up.
Not that you particularly need the energy anyways, since when do you ever really do anything? Certainly not anymore. Instead you prefer to shut yourself in your home and do nothing, because that is easier than doing anything. “Prefer” is still a bit of a loaded word, actually, but it’s the one you "prefer" to use. Easier than trying to admit to yourself why you don't go out anymore.
Why don't you go out anymore? Why do you continually subject yourself to spending so much time alone at home? Especially now that you've been shown repeatedly the past few days that your loved ones do surprisingly enough care for you?
JOHN: oh no don't tell me we're doing this again.
We're not doing anything, John. I'm simply trying to narrate to the reader your internal sad sack thoughts.
JOHN: i'm not a fucking sad sack!!!!!!!!
JOHN: ugh!!!!!!!!
I mean I could tell you that you kind of are right now, and I could tell you why, and answer all of your questions right now. But that isn't how stories work. You clearly don't have this revelation in this chapter, and who am I to mess with the narrative?
JOHN: actually yeah who are you anyways?
Nobody you would know.
JOHN: well that is both helpful and not even remotely ominous in any way!
Can it with the sarcasm, John. It's not very befitting of you.
JOHN: well if you're willing to interrupt the "story" you're telling just to call me a sad sack then don't i at least have the right to know who you are?
I could tell you, but not only would you not understand, it would drag this little interruption out much further than would be welcome by the reader. Suffice it to say you don't know me, you have never known me, and barring any shenanigans, you likely will not ever know me. But I mean you no harm. I am simply here to take your thoughts and your story and weave them into a compelling narrative for the benefit of an audience who may or may not be interested in learning about you. An audience you will also never meet. In fact, neither they nor I even exist in your world.
Now, can we get back to the story? May I please return to narrating your internal monologue?
JOHN: ok fine i guess but why don't i get to do it?
Oh no. No no no no no. I'm not going down THAT rabbit hole. I'm already sick and tired of meddling and fussing and bugging around with the narrative as it is. Even just talking to you feels like too much meddling. We're not going to turn this into another situation like THAT one.
JOHN: like what one!!!!!!!!
I can't tell you without shattering multiple walls in one fell swoop, most of which have already been broken and ignored and forgotten about by this very conversation. All I will tell you is you don't have the skill, training, or willpower to carry the narrative without turning in to an egotistical asshole the way one of your friends does in multiple other timelines.
JOHN: wait so this isn't the alpha timeline?
Did I say that?
JOHN: but how can there be multiple timelines unless one of them is doomed?
I honestly could not tell you. I don't know. I have a vague idea but I don't in any way know how to explain it to you in a way you would understand. Just bear with me here. Now can we please get back to the story? This is getting dangerously close to the kind of narrative masturbation I would like to avoid, and I already feel horrible for communicating with you at all.
JOHN: ok jeez fine. go 8ack to whatever you were doing i don't care anymore.
Thank you.
Now, where were we?
Why don't you go out anymore? Why do you continually subject yourself to spending so much time alone at home? Especially now that bluh bluh bluh we've heard these questions before.
You sit and stare at your half-eaten NUTRITIONAL MORNING MEAL. It honestly looks much more disgusting than you remember. When was the last time you actually ate one of these? You decide to shovel a few last minute bites into your mouth just to give yourself a bit more energy and toss the rest, unable to eat anymore.
Without the distraction of your disgusting breakfast, your thoughts quickly turn inwards. You start to wonder about last night. Or at least, what little you remember of last night. The fog is already beginning to set in. You can't even remember why Rose was staying the night at your place.
Except, you do. The fog isn't actually setting in. You just expected it to because that's what it's always done. Every morning for the last few years your memory of what happened the day before would always be consumed by the fog in your mind. Upon waking up you could barely remember the previous day, and by noon most - if not all - of the day's events were effectively wiped from your memory.
But today it isn't. Today you remember things clearly.
Not even just last night, or yesterday morning, but all sorts of things. You remember your fight with Jade. Your fights with Jade.
Fights? As in plural?
You recall yesterday wasn't your first fight. There was another, one that was still fairly recent. It was three in the morning and your sister was drunk. It was about the same things you always fight about. Always? That sounds a bit harsh, do you really always fight like this?
You shake your head and ignore those memories. The fights aren't important.
What feels more important to you is the sudden influx of memories involving you and your name. This feels much more important, especially when those memories keep coming. The moment you acknowledge one, another fills your head. And the moment you acknowledge that one, yet another pops up. This has seriously been bothering you for a long time now, hasn't it?
But why?
You genuinely cannot fathom any possible reason you could feel so disgusted with your own name. So disgusted at merely the thought of hearing it. It or any of the myriad of terms that seems to be making you feel so completely, so thoroughly, so utterly wrong.
Then, out of nowhere, a little voice in the back of your head reminds you of something.
Didn't Terezi call you a girl yesterday?
She very well might have. You barely remember, and search your suddenly vast bank of memories until you remember more clearly. She said you sounded like a girl, and the way she said it made it sound to you as if she had called you "girl Egbert". She also called you a "snarky bi- ahem.
A SN4RKY B1TCH.
It was really just her messing with you though. Right?
You are pulled away from these thoughts by a buzzing in your pocket. Suddenly you remember you have a MOBILE DEVICE with your favorite INSTANT MESSAGING CLIENT installed on it, and that you have various FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES who like to pester you through it.
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
TG: yoooooooooooooooo john
TG: u finally there for once or do i gotta keep buggin u
TG: jooooooooooooooooohn
TG: egbert
TG: egdork
TG: i kno u hide offline a bunch even when ur online
EB: oh hey roxy.
TG: gasp
TG: ur actually online for once?!
EB: what's up?
TG: dude how r u
EB: i'm alright i guess. you?
TG: im actually really good im like
TG: im over in the human kingdom doin some shopping!
TG: im gettin stuff 4 callie cause u kno theyre kinda scared to come over here n stuff cause all the humans suck and think they look wierrd
TG: *weird
TG: i PROMISE im not drunk lol
EB: heheh.
TG: neways we should hang out or smth
TG: like get lunch or w/e thatd be cool
EB: oh god you too?
EB: heheh, it feels like everybody's trying to hang out with me l8ly.
EB: is there some kind of conspiracy to get me out of the house?
TG: lol nahhhhhhhhhhh
TG: idk about every1 else but like
TG: i just wanna hang out w/ u w/o everybody bein around
EB: oh, huh. really?
EB: why's that?
TG: idk dude i just like actually gettin 2 talk to u
TG: i feel like i only see u on ur birfdy n stuff n everyone else is around
TG: n u get all shy and stuff
TG: n u havent even had any1 over for it lately
TG: but ur kinda cool and i like actually wanna talk to u
TG: plus then i dont have to fight for ur attention cause u kno that boy dave keeps tryin to steal it like he likes you or smth
EB: hahahahah you're not wrong!
TG: yea duh im not wrong dork im right about like everything im like if dave were as smart as he is cool
TG: jk i love him hes a good dude
TG: so!!!!
TG: where we gettin lunch egbert
EB: i don't know i didn't even say i wanted to yet!
TG: yea but u kno ur gonna say yes
EB: and how do you know that?
TG: cause u kno how awesome i am and how cool itd be to hang out w/ me ;P
TG: *wonk*
EB: hahahah, ok you're kind of right about that, i guess.
EB: yeah sure why not?
TG: oh HELL yea lets go
TG: oh shit i found this cute lil place its kinda frenchish
TG: they got these cute lil cakes in the window too
TG: ill meet u here!!
EB: oh ok, but.
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
They ceased messaging you before they could tell you where it is.
Looks like you'll have to find the place on your own.
---------------------------------------------------------
Shockingly enough, the French-ish place was not too far from your house. Roxy probably didn't realize how close it was, not that you're complaining. Still, you would have enjoyed getting to spend a little more time doing the windy thing. You again search for a nearby alleyway, so as not to draw attention to yourself by appearing in the middle of a gaggle of humans.
People.
Why do you call them humans? Aren't you a human? They're just so different from the humanity you grew up knowing, even though genetically they're all descended from clones of you and your friends. That, as well as the whole god thing, convinces you maybe it's normal to call them humans? That is what they are, and to imply that they are people while trolls, carapacians, and consorts are not people would be pretty bigoted of you, wouldn't it?
You decide it's alright and definitely not weird or alien sounding to call them humans. You also make sure not to think that statement with any degree of sarcasm, because you are being genuine about this. You are overthinking this. Just call them humans, Egbert.
You appear in the alleyway, fading in, your body forming from gusts of air, just as you have done numerous times before. You check to make sure nobody is staring or watching, and stroll out of the alleyway as casually as you can, making your way to where your friend is currently munching on a tasty looking croissant.
JOHN: hey roxy.
ROXY: holy shit is that john mother fucking egbert in front of me??
ROXY: cmere nerd i missed u!
You get swept up into a crushing hug, not that you particularly mind. You're not as close to Roxy as you'd like, but you'd like to think you enjoy their company more than you enjoy that of most of your other friends.
JOHN: wow roxy i didn't think you actually liked me that much!
ROXY: u kiddin egbert dude ur like
ROXY: actually cool lol
ROXY: unlike some of the other assholes we know
Huh. You don't think you knew they had any trouble with anyone else. But then again how would you? It's not like you really talk to anyone anymore.
JOHN: really?
ROXY: yea dude i like
ROXY: barely talk to some of them anymore
ROXY: janeys been buggin me for months now ever since i came out u know
ROXY: she kinda doesnt talk to me anymore
ROXY: but i also kinda bitched her out the last time we talked so like idk yknow
JOHN: yeah i haven't really talked to her in a long time either.
JOHN: i don't think she really likes me?
You know full well why she doesn't talk to you anymore. It's not actually her fault either. She's tried to message you, but she seemed to grow tired of your inability to respond to anyone much sooner than everyone else did. But you're not going to tell Roxy that.
ROXY: idk dude i love janey but i think she just kinda doesnt really get it u kno?
ROXY: i think shes just strugglin cause her whole worldview kinda doesnt get it?
ROXY: like she just doesnt kno how to justify it n all shes still stuck in the whole "bluh bluh gender at birth bluh bluh two genders" w/e
ROXY: but its cool i think shell come around eventually i dont think she hates me or anything she just needs 2 figure it out
JOHN: yeah, i hope she gets over herself.
ROXY: so whats new w/ u egbert?
ROXY: what u been up to?
JOHN: oh, i uhhhh.
JOHN: i've been busy!
JOHN: you know, just fixing stuff up around the house, all sorts of other things.
ROXY: ohhhh i gotchu
JOHN: yeah, i've kind of just got a lot of irons in the fire.
JOHN: like, just all of the irons.
JOHN: all of them.
ROXY: yea that's cool i gotchu
JOHN: oh, i hung out with rose the other day too.
ROXY: oh shit?
JOHN: yeah, she bugged me into getting coffee with her.
ROXY: oh yea sure she bugged u :P
ROXY: *wonkWONK*
JOHN: it's not like that!
JOHN: besides she's gay, even if i did like her like that
JOHN: WHICH I DON'T!
JOHN: it wouldn't really work out.
JOHN: but it's not a big deal 8ecause i don't actually like her like that!
ROXY: mmhmm sure i believe u
ROXY: *wonkwonkwonk*
JOHN: roxy!!!!!!!!
JOHN: seriously it's not like that.
JOHN: she's just...
You feel self conscious of your little outburst and look to see if anybody noticed. Thankfully they didn't, but looking around does give you the chance to figure out what Rose is "just".
JOHN: she's my oldest friend.
JOHN: she's really comfortable to be around and easy to talk to.
ROXY: yea i get that
ROXY: i dont talk to her as much lately but its just cause shes kinda busy a lot and i get that
ROXY: i do lvoe her tho
ROXY: *love
ROXY: shes cool i just wish we could talk more u kno
ROXY: kinda like u tbh
JOHN: yeah...
JOHN: it's just kind of hard to talk to people lately, or at least for me it is.
JOHN: i don't even really know why.
JOHN: like, dave and karkat.
JOHN: they're cool right?
ROXY: i mean dave is idk about karkat but he is kinda cute ill give u that
ROXY: always yellin and all but when he thinks no ones lookin i see how he looks at dave and like
ROXY: omg theyre so cute lol
ROXY: theyre so gay its adorable
JOHN: yeah, but i don't think i really feel all that close to them anymore, you know?
JOHN: i don't know, they're just hard to talk to.
JOHN: especially karkat, i can't tell if he actually likes me or if he hates me or something.
JOHN: or if it's that weird troll hate-ship thing like how he used to feel about me.
ROXY: wait back up back up back up
ROXY: karkat wants to be ur kismesis?
JOHN: that's the word, but no.
JOHN: or.
JOHN: i don't think?
JOHN: i don't know!
JOHN: he used to!
JOHN: like, way back in our session of sburb, he accidentally let it slip during our first conversation.
JOHN: or, his with me actually.
JOHN: ok look you can't tell him or anyone i told you this, but i think you'll laugh.
JOHN: he first messaged me towards the end of our sburb session, but he was so awkward and accidentally told me he kind of wanted to hate-date me or be my kismesis or whatever.
JOHN: and when i called him out on it,
JOHN: because by that point i had already talked to him a bunch,
JOHN: he got so embarrassed he started trolling me backwards!
ROXY: hahahahaha omg thats adorable!!!!!
JOHN: it was really funny and i feel bad for him cause that must have been hard for him, especially since i was still 13 and said dumb things like "i am not a homosexual".
JOHN: i mean, i'm not gay, but i made a big deal out of it back then like an idiot.
ROXY: lmao i remember dave calling u out about it on the platform
JOHN: so i didn't really react very well and i feel bad about that.
JOHN: but it was still kind of funny.
ROXY: yea karkats funny
ROXY: hes cute the way he gets mad about everything n yells at u all the time but u kno he still loves u
JOHN: yeah i guess.
JOHN: he's a good guy and i'm glad him and dave have each other.
JOHN: it's just hard to talk to them lately.
ROXY: yea i get u
JOHN: honestly i think you and rose might be the only people i feel super close to anymore.
JOHN: and terezi but she's so far away.
ROXY: oh yea shes still lookin for u kno who right?
JOHN: yeah...
JOHN: i miss her.
JOHN: i miss both of them.
JOHN: but i think i really miss terezi...
ROXY: awww thats cute
ROXY: and sad :'(
JOHN: how is that sad?!
They burst out laughing, which makes you wince a little, worried about drawing attention, but a quick glance suggests that, once again, nobody seems to actually care.
ROXY: no no not like that lmao
ROXY: i just mean its sad that u n ur friend are so far apart
ROXY: like i wish she was around for u
ROXY: u kno?
JOHN: oh, yeah i guess i get that.
JOHN: heh, i thought you were gonna call me a sad sack or something.
ROXY: nah dude ur not a sad sack
ROXY: ur prolly just goin thru some shit n ur friends arent around as much 4 u
ROXY: i get that
ROXY: believe me i get that a lot
JOHN: yeah...
JOHN: i don't think i've even said a word to some of your friends in years, like jake and dirk and jane.
JOHN: especially jane like i honestly don't even think i know who she is.
JOHN: not like in movies when people say "i don't even know who you are anymore", i just mean i don't think i even really ever got to know her in the first place?
JOHN: i don't think i really know jake very well either :/
ROXY: oh yea speakin of fuck jake tbh
JOHN: wait what?
ROXY: yea like
They pause for a second, and you worry you struck a nerve. They takes another bite out of the pastry they've been nursing since you arrived. You don't think you actually saw them take a single bite since you got here.
ROXY: i guess it doesnt hurt as much as janey did tbh
ROXY: like i guess i wasnt really as close to jake as i was to jane but like
ROXY: he kinda did the same thing when i came out u kno?
JOHN: really? jake?
JOHN: i thought he'd be better about that since he's gay.
ROXY: i think hes bi but still
ROXY: dude just kinda told me "oh, ok" and then just kinda stopped talkin to me
ROXY: kinda really hurt
ROXY: i tried to talk to him a bunch for a while thinkin maybe hes just kinda not doin well
ROXY: nope
ROXY: i asked dirk if he was doin alright and that boy told me "Yeah, he's alright. What's going on?"
ROXY: and that just pissed me off cause i could tell he was ignorin me
ROXY: and not like u either like at least when u kinda dont message me for a while u apologize
ROXY: i know its not cause ur ignorin me
ROXY: but this dude literally jsut started ignorin me and would not talk to me
JOHN: jegus, roxy.
JOHN: i mean jesus, i don't know why i keep saying that.
ROXY: lol its prolly ur girlfriend
JOHN: terezi's not my girlfriend!!!!!!!!
ROXY: oh yah shes ur matesprit right?
JOHN: ugh!!!!!!!!
JOHN: yes it's probably her doing but she's not my girlfriend or my matesprit or my kismesis or whatever it is you're going to say next.
ROXY: chill egdude im just messin with u
You start to wish they'd stop calling you dude, but you do admit: coming from them it feels less bothersome than from someone like Dave. Plus you acknowledge that "egdude" is kind of funny. Still, you might as well say something to them.
JOHN: hey, roxy?
ROXY: yea?
JOHN: do you think you could, uhh...
JOHN: maybe stop calling me dude for a while?
JOHN: i mean, if that's fine?
ROXY: o hell yea sure no prob i got u
ROXY: no worries i didnt kno it bugged u :O
JOHN: yeah, it's kind of a recent development.
JOHN: i didn't even realize how much it bugged me until, yesterday i guess?
JOHN: oh and sorry for getting you off topic :(
ROXY: hey no worries egdork lol its all good :D
ROXY: neways yea he just kinda ghosted me
ROXY: but its fine idk maybe hell come around
ROXY: maybe ill talk to him tomorrow or smth
ROXY: ur still havin everyone over for ur birfdy right?
JOHN: uhhhhhhhh...
JOHN: i didn't have anything planned actually.
ROXY: oh
ROXY: rose told me u did lol
JOHN: wait she what?
ROXY: yea lol
JOHN: i mean i guess i have to have everyone over now but i don't even have anything prepared.
ROXY: yo we should go pick up stuff for it!!!
JOHN: what?
JOHN: like right now?
ROXY: yea cmon lets go!!
JOHN: but i haven't even eaten yet!!
ROXY: yea but r u even hungry?
That's a good question. Are you? R u even hungry Egdork?
Not really.
You're still a little full from the not particularly filling breakfast you had this morning. Your appetite today isn't really very big, it seems.
JOHN: i guess not.
ROXY: ill get u a crossant, take it with u lol
ROXY: *croisant
ROXY: *cross ant
ROXY: u kno what i mean dammit
JOHN: heheheh.
---------------------------------------------------------
The two of you wander around the Human Kingdom for a few hours, chit-chatting and lovingly shit-talking your friends, occupying each others time in a way you haven't really done with anyone in years, as you make your way around various shops looking for things to have at your party. You insist you don't need to have all sorts of things, but they don't seem to take no for an answer. Eventually you relent as they keep picking up things you wouldn't otherwise have gotten, though you draw the line at anything with the Crocker name on it.
Not that they mind. You both have your own issues with the Crocker name, both related to your mutual friend and to the horrible Batterwitch who ruined both of your childhoods. Childrenhood? You aren't sure, but childhoods sounds more correct, which means it's most likely childrenhood.
Speak of the devil and she appears, however, as shockingly enough you run into none other than-
ROXY: jane?
JANE: Roxy?
JANE: Is, is that John?
JOHN: hi jane.
JANE: Well, this is a surprise. Are...
She looks away for a second, clearly feeling awkward and clearly not expecting to see either of you.
ROXY: r what janey?
JANE: Err, are you two umm, together?
JOHN: what?!
ROXY: janey wtf
You both laugh quite loudly, though you're not sure if it's out of mutual awkwardness or if you're both genuinely amused by the question.
JOHN: no jane we're not "together", heh.
ROXY: yea like i love this nerd but were just friends lmao
JANE: I'm sorry! It was a genuine question!
JANE: Seeing the two of you together I genuinely couldn't tell!
JANE: You both, umm, seem very happy together?
JANE: I just assumed, you know, it seemed kind of obvious?
She's deeply embarrassed, but you're not sure you really care. Especially after finding out how she's been treating Roxy lately.
ROXY: lmao its fine janey chill out were just out shoppin for johns birfdy together
JOHN: yeah it's not a big deal, it's just kind of funny.
ROXY: b-sides im seein callie neways n i mean id be cool to do the polyam thing but idk if egdork here could do it lmao
JOHN: hey w8 what's that supposed to mean?!
What is that supposed to mean, anyways?
JANE: Well, I guess since you're here, John, I should let you know.
JANE: Things at Crockercorp have been busier than usual lately, and I'm not sure I'll be able to attend tomorrow.
JANE: I will certainly do my best to attempt to!
JANE: But just in case, happy early birthday John!
She gives you a hug.
It's kind of weird.
But you guess this means she doesn't hate you?
Either way, you awkwardly lean into the hug and take the earliest chance to retreat from it that you can find.
JOHN: uh, thanks jane, happy early birthday to you too!
JOHN: and it's ok if you can't make it!
JANE: O-oh?
JOHN: yeah, umm, i kind of didn't even know until today that it would happen!
JOHN: so i don't really have any expectations or anything.
JOHN: but if you can make it that's good, i'd like to actually get to talk to you again.
JANE: You, didn't know you were having a birthday?
JANE: That's strange, Rose told me you-
JOHN: oh goddammit rose.
JOHN: i need to talk to her later.
JOHN: no i knew i was having a birthday, i just didn't know rose had told everyone i was having a party!
JOHN: she decided not to tell me i guess!
ROXY: lmao yea
ROXY: she likes messin with u like that
JOHN: yeah, she does.
JANE: Are, umm...
JOHN: jane, no, rose and i are not "together" either.
JANE: Ok, ok! I get it! I'm sorry!
ROXY: janey u really think johns goin out with everyone dont u lol
ROXY: altho u might b right about this 1 :P
ROXY: *WONK*
JOHN: roxyyyyyyyy!
JOHN: you know i can hear when you say "wonk" right?!
JANE: Yes, Roxy, we all can.
JANE: Every time you say it.
ROXY: ok ok ok i get it lmao
JOHN: i think i'm going to go home, i should probably get all this stuff back home and get things ready for tomorrow i guess.
JOHN: now that i know i have a party.
JOHN: thanks again rose.
JANE: But we only just ran into each other, John!
JOHN: i know! and it was nice to see both of you!
JOHN: but i should really get home.
JOHN: maybe you two can catch up without me! that could be cool right?
JOHN: bye!!
ROXY: wait john-
You and the party goods fade into the wind before they can finish their sentence.
Chapter 5
You wake up once again to the sound of your alarm. It's not a sound you enjoy all that much. In fact, you actually setting it in the first place typically means you expect to be waking up at a reasonable time for once. Which is what you really don't enjoy all that much. At least this time it's for something that will hopefully be enjoyable. Not to mention this time you're not waking up several hours after your alarm actually started going off.
Look at you, you healthy, growing boy, getting up on time.
As you tend to do every morning, you check your favorite INSTANT MESSAGING CLIENT to see if your friends have left you any messages for you to ignore since you fell asleep.
-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
TT: Happy birthday, John.
-- timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
Wow.
Huh.
I mean. Yeah?
You're not really sure why you expected Dirk to say much else to you. It does seem as if that's really all there is to say on the matter. For a Strider he's always been remarkably short when talking to you.
... He doesn't hate you does he?
-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --
GA: Greetings John
GA: I Believe Its Been What You Humans Call A Year Since The Last Time You Celebrated Your Wriggling Day
GA: At Least This Is What Rose Has Told Me
GA: I Must Admit I Still Havent Adjusted To Human Years
GA: But I Would Like To Wish You A Good Wriggling Day Celebration
GA: And I Will Be Delighted To Tell You This Again When Next I See You This Evening
GA: Ill See You This Evening John
-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --
One of these days you'd like to have an actual conversation with Kanaya. You don't think you've spoken to her at length probably the entire time you've known her. Which you consider a damn shame, personally. She is your best friend's wife and/or matesprit. You're not actually sure which term they prefer to use, though you believe you remember Rose referring to her as her matesprit. Either way, you feel you ought to get to know her. Besides, she seems nice anyways.
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
GG: Hello, John!
GG: Happy birthday! :B
GG: It was nice to get to see you yesterday, and my sincerest apologies for having gone so long without us getting to speak to each other!
GG: I hope I'll get to see you tonight! Assuming of course you're still holding the party?
GG: I suppose I'll find out later tonight then :B
GG: See you tonight, hopefully!
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
You have to admit, you kind of hope Jane messaging you doesn't start happening a lot more frequently now that you've finally spoken to each other again. You're not sure you're going to message her back.
Who are you kidding, of course you will. You can't bring yourself to willfully ignore her specifically while you message back everyone else.
-- golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
GT: Ahoy there john!
GT: I know its been a while since weve talked but i figured dammit i oughtta at least wish the man one spectacularly rootin tootin birthday!
GT: I do hope after tonight we can get up to some more shenanigans together.
GT: I miss gettin up to things with the lads!
GT: We ought to have a grand ol time together or at least sit around and chew the ol fat a bit without all of our ladyfriends.
GT: Anyhoo!
GT: Ill let you get ready for your big ol birthday hullabaloo.
GT: Toodles!
-- golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
Jake's a nice boy. He seems like one at least. But you're still upset about how he ghosted Roxy. Maybe he's not actually a nice boy. Maybe he's a dick. You're starting to regret deciding to actually message back all of your friends.
Maybe you can just message Dirk and Kanaya.
You scroll through the rest of your messages and start replying to everyone, but you notice a few names are absent. This doesn't surprise you of course. Dave and Karkat are typically nowhere near awake at this hour, unless of course Dave wakes up early to come by and see you for some reason. Not that he does that particularly often. You also notice Terezi hasn't messaged you since the other day, but you remember time in the Furthest Ring can be convoluted, and she may not even realize it's your birthday.
Then you get to your sister. She hasn't messaged you at all in the last two days. You didn't notice yesterday for some reason, and even if you had you probably wouldn't have been surprised. But two days in a row? That's extremely out of the ordinary. She's normally messaging you every day, or at least every other day, no matter whether you reply or not.
Though, to be fair, maybe it's not particularly out of the ordinary, considering how your last conversation ended.
Shaking those thoughts out of your head, you decide to get cleaned up and dressed. You and Roxy picked up a number of IMPORTANT PARTY SUPPLIES yesterday, but there's still a few things you'd like to have just in case. Like booze.
Wait. Should you get booze?
You're not sure. On the one hand, now that you're finally old enough, you feel like it would be fun. At the very least, it might make a night surrounded by people you're mostly uncomfortable with lately much more tolerable. But, you worry it might be too much for Rose and Roxy. You don't want to be that kind of asshole that leaves a bunch of alcohol around the two former alcoholics.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
EB: hey, rose?
EB: do you think you'd be alright if i 8ought some alcohol for the party?
EB: i just want to make sure i'm not being insensitive or anything.
TT: That should be fine.
TT: I do have some degree of self control.
TT: Shocking, I know.
EB: heh, alright.
EB: do you think roxy'd be fine with it too or should i go ask them?
TT: I would ask, but it's ultimately up to you.
TT: I think they wouldn't be too particularly bothered, not to mention I'm fairly certain Strider has already expressed his desire to "get egbert fuckin wrecked yo".
TT: So whether you go out and pick up anything or not, I don't think you have a choice in the matter.
EB: oh shit.
EB: well.
EB: ok lol.
EB: heheheh.
EB: still!
EB: i will ask roxy just to be safe.
EB: thanks rose!
TT: No problem, friend.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
---------------------------------------------------------
You drift around for a few hours as part of the wind flowing throughout the Carapace Kingdom. Technically, you're supposed to be out buying snacks and beer for your party tonight. Not that it's really your party. You have repeatedly told yourself that it's not really your party, it's Rose's party. She just happens to be celebrating your birthday. You keep telling yourself this so you feel better about not being very excited for it, even though in all reality, all she did was tell everyone you were hosting a party, leaving all of the planning and details for you.
Thankfully you aren't planning anything huge, and even if you were, you're not expecting to see more than a few people there. It's not like you have all that many friends anyway.
There's a few people you don't expect to see though that you wish you could see. Wishful thinking though it might be, you'd like to see Terezi tonight. You'd also love to see somebody else, somebody who's been missing ever since you got to Earth C. But you don't expect to ever see her again, nor do you really expect to ever see Terezi either if you're being honest. You start to think about how you likely won't ever see her again unless she brings you-know-who home, but you quickly push those thoughts out of your mind in an effort to stay positive about tonight.
You instead start thinking about how excited you are to be having another birthday. Which is to say, not very excited at all. It doesn't feel particularly special to you. Maybe it's because you had too many birthdays? Your father was always baking cake after cake after cake for you on your birthday every year, no matter how disgusted you became with cakes, an act you still don't completely understand.
Maybe the Batterwitch had him brainwashed? Like your sister? Or, cousin?
Like Jane. There, that's better. Best not think about how exactly she's related to you; ectobiology was never your strong suit, despite your handle on your favorite INSTANT MESSAGING CLIENT and your experience with the practice itself.
What would you even want for your birthday? What did you want last year? Can you even remember ever wanting anything for your birthday? It was cool to get a video game when you turned 13, until getting that video game turned into the end of the world, but you suppose it was still kind of neat. Not to mention your 16th birthday gift ended up being a whole new universe for you and your friends to live in. That's pretty neat.
You and your friends kind of stopped getting each other gifts a few years back though. None of you could ever think of anything you wanted, instead ultimately just preferring to spend time with each other. An excuse to hang out. That's all any of you ever really wanted when you started growing up. Or at least, it was until you stopped hanging out with everyone and started to hole yourself up in your home, isolated from everybody and alone.
You guess that's something you'd like to have this year. You'd like to be able to reach out and talk to people again. Well, some people. Maybe not all of your relatives, for as loaded a word as that is lately. You'd like to be able to spend time with your sister again, at least - preferably with less yelling. Not to mention Rose and Roxy, who you would argue are closer to you than, gosh, even your own sister. Their partners, Kanaya and Callie, you'd like to get to know properly as well, since you'd hardly spoken to them even before becoming a hermit.
Going through the mental list of your friends you don't really talk to anymore, you start to feel bad for just disappearing from their lives. It's not like you really wanted to! You love your friends, and you miss spending more time with them. It's just difficult. It's hard to talk to people when you're afraid of them, when you're constantly worried they're judging you, when every time they refer to you it makes you feel completely and utterly wrong. It's hard, and nobody understands.
Oh, look at the time. It's getting late. You completely forgot about why you had gone out. Maybe you should actually stop by the store.
You briskly drift your windy self over towards the Human Kingdom to hit up the little grocery store not far from your home. On the way there, you return to your previous question: what do you really want for your birthday? You think you finally have an answer, even though you know it's unlikely to happen. Still, wishful thinking truly isn't that bad, is it? And isn't it tradition for those celebrating a birthday to make a wish anyways?
You decide your birthday wish, should you get one, would be to see your two missing friends again. Or, at the very least, Terezi Pyrope.
... You then reassure yourself that no, you don't have a crush on her, and no, you aren't overthinking this. Until you notice you overshot the grocery store while thinking about her.
---------------------------------------------------------
Returning home with a 24 pack of cheap beer and a few extra bags of chips, you notice some movement in your window. The window of the house you, and only you, live in. The house that nobody else would normally be in. You set the goods down and prepare to defend yourself against potential invaders, until you notice a distinctive looking pair of horns. Did they really just let themselves in while you were gone?
JOHN: wow, thanks for letting yourselves in while i was gone, heh :P
KANAYA: Oh Hello John
KANAYA: We Arrived A Little Early Intending To Help Set Things Up Before The Other Guests Made Their Way Here
KANAYA: But When We Arrived You Were Missing
KANAYA: Rose Was Worried But I Reassured Her You Were Most Likely Still Out Purchasing Your Human Snacks
KANAYA: So We Decided To Simply
KANAYA: As You Would Likely Say
KANAYA: Break Into Your Home
KANAYA: Assuming You Wouldnt Mind
JOHN: hahah, it's alright.
JOHN: you startled me a bit but it's fine.
JOHN: where is rose anyway?
KANAYA: Oh She Is In Your Meal Block Making Sure There Is An Appropriate Amount Of Food In Your Hunger Trunk
KANAYA: She Was Deeply Concerned With Your Lack Of Grub Sauce
ROSE: That was you, my dear.
ROSE: And hello, friend. Apologies for breaking and entering.
JOHN: heh, don't worry about it rose.
JOHN: you guys are welcome whenever, just maybe let me know first if you're gonna let yourselves in.
ROSE: Well...
KANAYA: We Actually Did Try To Contact You
JOHN: w8 really?
You check your MOBILE DEVICE and, while you don't immediately see their supposed attempts to reach you, you realize you missed a handful of messages from people while you were out.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
TG: yo egbert
TG: make sure you get some of those lil pizza things like the bagel ones
TG: karkats been really obsessed with those lately itd be cool if you had some there for him just sayin
TG: hes so cute he gets mad when i call him out about it he gets a lil blushy too hes so adorable
TG: dont tell him i said that tho
TG: oh and happy birthday dude youre finally a man now im gonna get you like so fucked up tonight dude
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --
CG: DON'T LISTEN TO A THING THAT ASSWIPE SAYS EGBERT.
CG: THAT LITTLE CROTCHSTAINING SHITMUFFIN.
CG: I AM NOT OBSESSED WITH YOUR DUMB FUCKING HUMAN SNACKS.
CG: BUT THEORETICALLY.
CG: IF YOU WERE GETTING SNACKS.
CG: IT MIGHT BE ALRIGHT IF YOU HAD SOME.
CG: BUT DON'T YOU DARE LISTEN TO A THING THAT WRETCHED NOOKHUMPING DOUCHECRUMPET SAYS OR I'LL WRING BOTH OF YOUR FUCKING NECKS YOU SHITSQUATTING DUMBFUCK.
CG: ALSO HAPPY WRIGGLING DAY.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --
You thank every possible deific being you can think of that Roxy had the foresight to pick up Bagel Bites when you went out yesterday.
JOHN: i don't see you guys' messages but i will take your word for it.
JOHN: either way i'm here now so let's finish setting everything up!
ROSE: Sounds good to me, but there isn't really much else to do, unless you'd like to put those drinks away.
As you make your way towards your kitchen, your doorbell rings. Kanaya kindly gets the door while you walk just a bit faster so you don't have to say hello to anyone just yet.
Opening your fridge you are greeted by far too many food and drink items that weren't there this morning. You don't recognize most of these brands and you're not sure you want to know what "extra-virgin grubsauce" is. You assume it's Kanaya's favorite kind, and decide to ask her about it later tonight. At least there's enough space for a few cans along the refrigerator door. Shuffling back into the living room, you're greeted by-
JOHN: caaaaaaaake!!!!!!!!
You jump a bit in fear, but you quickly calm down and notice the face behind the cake.
JOHN: oh, sorry, hey jane!
JANE: Oh my goodness John, I'm so sorry!
JANE: I forgot about your distaste towards cake, I didn't realize you were that afraid of them!
JOHN: no it's fine it just surprised me hahahah, it's kind of a big cake!
JANE: Really? It's not too big, is it?
It's... Very big. Quite a large cake indeed. But for about a dozen guests it should be sufficient.
JOHN: nah, it's alright. it should be enough for everybody.
JANE: Oh goodness do I need to make more?
JOHN: NO!!!!!!!!
JOHN: i mean uhhhhhhhh, no it's alright! there'll be plenty i'm sure!
JANE: Good, I'd certainly be happy to bake another, I'm just worried about not being prepared with a second cake.
JOHN: heheh.
JOHN: well i'm glad you could make it jane!
JOHN: i'm gonna go get changed real quick before more people show up.
KANAYA: If You Are Going To Change For Your Guests You May Want To Hurry
KANAYA: You Have More Guests Approaching Already
JOHN: oh jeez already?
Sure enough, you notice the unmistakable silhouette of Dirk Strider outside your window, with one Jake English not very far behind. You had better hurry upstairs, or you'll be forced to greet them yourself.
The only question is, what will you wear? You do have a few nicer outfits, but nobody would expect you to be wearing them, considering this is merely a casual gathering of friends. You could go ultra casual, and wear your god tier pajamas, but that feels a bit too casual for the occasion. This is a difficult decision, but thankfully you have all the time in the world, seeing as the longer you take to deliberate on an answer, the less time you have to interact with anyone.
This doesn't ease your stress the way you think it would, however, instead only adding to your anxiety as you worry about taking too long and upsetting your friends. Why do friendships and fashion both have to be so difficult? And more importantly, since when do you care so much about either?
Suddenly, you hear a voice utterly dripping in pink shouting from down below, and realize you ought to hurry. You settle on a black shirt, your favorite old jeans, and a green jacket. It feels a bit overkill for a casual gathering, but it reminds you of an old friend you wish could be here today. Maybe she can be here in spirit through you, you muse to yourself, before you realize you have no idea what the hell you're thinking. Nor do you really understand why you keep thinking about her lately. Perhaps it's best not to dwell on it.
You make your way downstairs only to be accosted by the voice from earlier.
ROXY: yoooooooooooo egdude!!!
ROXY: there u are ive been waitin for u!!!
JAKE: Well if it isnt the old man himself!
DIRK: Good to see you again, John.
CALLIOPE: greetings, john! ^u^
Well, at least you like Roxy, and Callie is nice, even if you don't really know them particularly well.
JOHN: hey guys, nice to see you all.
JOHN: it's been a while, heh.
DIRK: You could say that, yes.
JAKE: Gadzooks has it been!
JOHN: i have to check on something in the oven real quick, there's drinks in the fridge and snacks on the counters, help yourselves.
Why did you ever agree to this?
In all fairness, you didn't. You were tricked into it thanks to the schemes of a FLIGHTY BROAD you would call your best friend.
You slink away from the guests and sneak into the kitchen to check on the little bagel pizzas you've got cooking for Karkat. You're not really sure why you're going to such great lengths for him, but you figure it'd be a nice gesture from a friend to another friend. Or, whatever your relationship to him is. Not to mention you don't particularly want to be at the receiving end of his threats and shouting if you can help it.
KARKAT: EGBERT WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU ASSWIPE.
Speak of the devil. You should know better than to think about your friends.
KARKAT: WE'RE HERE FOR YOUR WRIGGLING DAY WHATEVER.
DAVE: birthday party dipshit
KARKAT: WHAT?
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?
DAVE: dude why do we have to go over this every time theres a fuckin birthday jesus i swear its like youre doing this on purpose
DAVE: but i mean if youre not doing this on purpose its kinda cute i guess
KARKAT: UGH.
KARKAT: DO YOU FUCKING GET OFF ON CALLING ME THAT OR SOMETHING?
KARKAT: NEVER MIND DON'T ANSWER THAT.
DAVE: do you really gotta shout at the guy on his birthday too
DAVE: i mean i get it its probably fun
DAVE: actually wait hold up
DAVE: YO EGBERT WERE FUCKIN HERE DUDE WHERE ARE YOU
JOHN: dave i'm right here!!!!!!!!
DAVE: oh shit my bad
JOHN: it's alright just maybe don't do that a-
Oh.
Jade's here too.
JOHN: oh, hey jade, glad you could make it.
JADE: yeah, me too
She seems off. You would have expected her to have joined in on the yelling alongside Dave, if not even before he did, but she seems so quiet. Then you realize perhaps she didn't particularly want to be here. Which seems so obvious when you think about it that you're not sure why you didn't pick up on that sooner. You don't blame her though; even aside from your falling out, you don't particularly want to be here right now either. Rose probably thinks this is good for you however, so you steel yourself and continue to attempt human conversation with your friends.
But by the time you look up, she's gone.
DAVE: so egbert wheres the booze at
JOHN: oh i've got a bunch of beer in the fridge.
DAVE: yeah see i knew youd skimp out on the good stuff like that so i brought some really good shit
JOHN: oh, really?
DAVE: yeah dude youre about to get all kinds of fucked up tonight
DAVE: gotta celebrate my best bud growin up finally
DAVE: gotta do it fuckin right
DAVE: am i right babe?
He looks around for Karkat, who seems to have left the entryway as well. You both spot him chatting with Kanaya, and you happen to notice Jade join in on their conversation. She seems a little happier. Maybe it's just that she doesn't want to see you right now.
You know, on your birthday.
Maybe you were right. Maybe she hates you.
DAVE: hey dude are you alright
DAVE: you kinda just spaced out
JOHN: wha-?
JOHN: oh, yeah, no i'm alright.
DAVE: yeah thats real convincing i definitely believe you
DAVE: cmon lets go get wrecked
JOHN: i uh, think i'm gonna pass for now, sorry.
JOHN: i'm gonna go see what roxy is up to.
DAVE: oh alright i see my bad dude ill bug you later
DAVE: ill just go see what your hot mom is up to
DAVE: your mom
DAVE: shes not hot
DAVE: lets rewind a bit i definitely didnt say anything about your hot mom
DAVE: hey john did i ever tell you im gay lets think about that inst- oh youre just leavin ok i get it yeah this whole conversation didnt happen i got you dude
How many times can someone use the word "dude" in a sentence and not become annoying at best and hurtful at worst?
Clearly the answer is Dave Strider.
You're not sure why that makes sense to you.
JOHN: hey roxy, hey callie.
ROXY: joooooooooohn finally ive been tryin to talk to u like all night!!!!
CALLIOPE: hello again, john! ^u^
CALLIOPE: i see yoU've managed to escape.
JOHN: yeah, heh, i love dave but sometimes he talks too much.
Yet more use of your name. Yet more feelings of discomfort.
ROXY: see this is what i was talkin about yesterday!
ROXY: like i never get 2 talk to u cause ur like the life of the party and all
JOHN: yeah, i sure feel like it too.
CALLIOPE: it's good to feel that way, john!
ROXY: lol babe i think hes bein sarcastic
CALLIOPE: oh...
JOHN: sorry callie :/
JOHN: i didn't mean to be a bummer!
CALLIOPE: that's qUite alright, dear friend!
CALLIOPE: please don't be too hard on yoUrself, john, yoU are most certainly not a bUmmer! ^u^
JOHN: thanks callie.
It hurts.
JAKE: Oh john over here for a moment if you would!
Oh what now?
JOHN: what's up jake?
DIRK: Would you mind helping me with this goof?
DIRK: He's convinced Roxy hates him, but I'm trying to convince him to go and talk to them to find out.
JOHN: really?
JAKE: You see i kind of may or may not have made a little bit of an oopsie when sh- they told me a few things, and, well
DIRK: He fucked up when they came out and wants you to tell them he's sorry.
JAKE: Dirk!!!
JOHN: wait why me?
DIRK: Because he thinks you would be better at telling them than he would be.
JOHN: well i won't do it, they already told me what happened and how it made them feel.
DIRK: I know.
DIRK: I'm asking you to help me convince him to man up and do it himself.
JAKE: Do you really have to put it that way dirk?
JAKE: Ay caramba :(
JOHN: jake you should go apologize to them.
JOHN: the way you kinda ghosted them was kinda shitty and you should be the one to apologize.
JOHN: i'm gonna go get a drink.
JAKE: Oh.
JAKE: S-sorry then old boy.
JOHN: it's alright.
You take off for the kitchen before either of them has a chance to keep you in the conversation any longer, but you notice somebody talking to someone else by your fridge.
It's Jade.
She seems so much happier. Why does she seem so much happier? It's not fair. You're having an awful time here in your own home, and there's nothing you can do about it. Everyone keeps using your name. It hurts. Everyone keeps calling you "dude" or "bro" or, fucking, "old boy". It hurts. Why does it hurt? Why won't it stop? Why can't you stop feeling like this? Why does she get to be happy at your birthday, and you don't?
You hate this. You hate all of this. You especially hate how you can't seem to stop feeling this way. It felt as if it was beginning to dissipate yesterday, after your night with Rose and your time with Roxy, and you seemed as if you were returning to your old self, whoever he really was - until your friends showed up. "Friends." You only really care to talk to two of the almost dozen people here, and really there's someone else you'd rather talk to than any of the rest of them.
But not only is she not here, not only are you likely to never be able to see her in person ever again, Terezi hasn't even messaged you a happy birthday. Or happy wriggling day, whatever. You'd take either one at this point, or even a friendly hello, how are you, just to take your mind off of everything else.
Everything else, but especially Jade. You still don't get it. What's she got to be happy about? Doesn't she hate you? Wasn't she just upset with you the other day? Why is she here? Why has she ignored you the entire time? Why is she looking right at you?
Oh she's looking right at you.
Fuck.
Her expression sours why does she look like that why is she looking at you like that fuck she hates you fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK.
Somebody distracts her. Good. You need to get out of here.
You casually speed towards your stairwell, since your couch is occupied. You figure the stairs are a little more out of the way anyways, hopefully nobody will notice you. Hopefully those who do notice you don't notice how awful you look.
DAVE: yo are you alright?
DAVE: for real egbert you dont look too hot
DAVE: like you dont look that good
DAVE: look you know what i mean
God not him again.
JOHN: yeah dave i'm f8ne.
JOHN: just peachy-keen.
JOHN: everything's alright.
JOHN: hey y'know what i haven't heard anything about how you've been lately, it's all been about me, why don't we talk about that?
JOHN: how's dave?
JOHN: what's going on with dave l8ly?
He flinches for a second, unprepared, but he obliges.
DAVE: shit dude ive been alright yknow
DAVE: just workin on beats and stuff
DAVE: takin care of my boy i love that nerd
DAVE: honestly hes kind of a lot to handle sometimes i know i say all that stuff all the time about how i love him and how cute he is and stuff but like
DAVE: i mean shit you saw yourself hes kinda on edge lately
DAVE: think i saw the dude scarf down an unbelievable amount of those fuckin bagel things after he ditched me
JOHN: oh, huh.
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: i think hes just goin thru some stuff
DAVE: i love him a lot though dont get me wrong
JOHN: yeah, i can tell.
KARKAT: WHAT THE *FUCK* ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU DOUCHEY BLITHERING NOOKSUCK?
You jump and look down towards the living room. If it wasn't already too loud for you in here, that just made it worse.
JANE: I'm just saying, are you sure it's the best idea for troll reproduction to go so completely unchecked?
KARKAT: OK FIRST OF ALL, FUCK YOU YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BROUGHT THIS UP
KARKAT: AND SECOND OF ALL, FUCK YOU AGAIN, WHO SAYS YOU GET TO FUCKING DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT TROLL REPRODUCTION IS "TOO UNCHECKED"?
KARKAT: AND LASTLY, FUCK YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL EARTH HORSE'S NOISY BUTTHOLE!
JANE: Excuse me?!?
DAVE: fuck shit ok hold on i gotta go take care of that im sorry john
JOHN: it's fine.
JOHN: it's fine!!!!!!!!
JOHN: it's totally fine!!!!!!!!
You see Jake and Dirk scramble towards Jane in an attempt to get her out of this hellish conversation; you see Dave attempt the same with Karkat. What you don't see is your sister coming around the cor- fuck.
JADE: hey, john?
No. No this is exactly what you didn't need.
JADE: mind if i talk to you for a bit?
God fucking no this is NOT what you need right now.
JOHN: is now really the time jade?
JADE: yeah it kinda is cause i dont know if im gonna get another excuse to talk to you in person!
JOHN: and what the fuck is that supposed to mean?
She looks hurt again no no what are you doing don't get mad at her you idiot.
JADE: it means im worried youre gonna keep avoiding me?
JOHN: avoiding you?
JOHN: what do you mean 8y that?!
JADE: john please dont shout...
JOHN: god STOP fucking calling me that!
You start to raise your voice.
JOHN: stop calling me that and stop f8cking saying i'm avoiding you when you've 8een avoiding me all fucking night!
JADE: but you have been avoiding me!!!
JADE: and maybe ive been avoiding you a bit too but its cause i was afraid you were gonna fucking yell at me again!!!
JADE: woof!!! >:(
JOHN: well fuck me then, soooooooorry if i'm doing what you didn't want me to do!!!!!!!!
JOHN: god fucking what do you want me to do? apologize for 8eing so fucking lonely?
JOHN: i'm sorry i'm lonely and h8 myself jade!
JOHN: is that what you want!
JOHN: i'm sorry you h8 me so much!
JOHN: i'm sorry i'm too afraid to f8cking talk to you a8out fucking 8NYTHING!!!!!!!!
You're not even sure what you're saying at this point. Why are you saying these things? Why are you angry at her for feeling afraid of you? Why can't you stay calm and talk about these things like a normal fucking person? And why at your birthday party of all places?
JADE: john why are you talking like that?
JOHN: like what?!
JOHN: like i'm 8ngry?
JOHN: may8e it didn't occur to you 8ut sometimes when you accuse people of doing th8ngs they aren't f8cking doing, they get 8ngry jade!!!!!!!!
JOHN: like ME R8GHT N8W!!!!!!!!
JOHN: GOD F8CKING
JOHN: AAAAAAAA-
*zap*
Chapter 6
Nothing.
Empty.
Cold and black and infinite.
Your name, to the best of your understanding, is JOHN EG8ERT, and you are surrounded by nothing. You once had FEELINGS and INTERESTS, but you are currently a HOT MESS with an UNCONTROLLA8LE TEMPER. You don't know where you are and you're not entirely sure you care. You don't remember how you got here, or where you came from.
While looking around, you spot an object in the far distance. It's very small and very green, and almost looks like a little bug. You find it strange though that this bug has even tinier things swirling towards it. Nor are you sure that most bugs appear in this particular shade of green. You're also pretty sure they don't look like black holes when you gaze closer at them.
You no longer think the bug is a bug. You think it may be a black hole. In fact, you're absolutely sure of it, and as you search your memory for any possible explanation of such phenomena as green black holes, you realize exactly where you are.
You are in the FURTHEST RING, out in the vast wilderness of PARADOX SPACE. The closer attention you pay to your surroundings, the more you hear strange whispers. Try as you might to block them out, they continue to harass you. These must be the twisted utterings of NOBLE CIRCLE OF HORRORTERRORS. Rose has told you about them and insists they are nothing to worry about, but just to be safe you continue trying to block them out. You worry that staring too long in any direction will result in seeing one of them, which you decide to try and avoid doing. They seem like they would be a little gross, and you're not sure you feel like seeing them right now.
Not that you really know what you feel like at the moment. You're still disoriented. Thankfully, the distant black hole where the GREEN SUN once stood and the myriad of cracks throughout the void surrounding you help you to orient yourself. Or at least, your position relative to these landmarks.
You still don't understand why you're out here, though.
You drift along in the emptiness and make an attempt to figure out the sequence of events leading up to this point. The last thing you remember is seeing Kanaya's horns in your window. That's right, she and Rose had broken into your home. Why? Some event, a party of some kind. Yes, your birthday party. You had all of your friends over for your birthday party. It was fun and you were enjoying yourself and no that was years ago. This one was not fun, and you were not enjoying yourself. It was loud, there were too many people, and you weren't used to being around more than one other person anymore, much less a dozen. You were stressed out, and then-
Jade.
You had yet another classic EG8ERT TANTRUM and-
JOHN: oh for fuck's s8ke do you have to call it that!!!!!!!!
Actually, I didn't. That was your description of it. I'm merely narrating your thoughts.
JOHN: oh no we are NOT fucking doing this again.
I'm not the one who interrupted the narrator, am I? You're the one who had a breakdown and decided to refer to it as a "classic EG8ERT TANTRUM". You can even tell by the way it's typed. Honestly John, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself about these things. You were merely anxious and stressed, and you had a bit of a breakdown. These things happen.
JOHN: do you really expect me to t8ke fucking life advice from some asshole who's in my head?
JOHN: and wh8t do you mean the w8y it's typed?
No, John, I expect you to take life advice from your friends and loved ones. I'm just trying to encourage you to be a little nicer to yourself. And if you really don't know what I mean by "the w8y it's typed" at this point, then I think you genuinely might be completely hopeless. Now may I please return to telling your story?
JOHN: fine 8ut just stop 8eing an asshole a8out it may8e?
Thank you.
You had a mental breakdown and shouted at your sister, upsetting her, your own anxiety rising the whole time over how you were acting, until you panicked so hard you apparently zapped yourself out to the Furthest Ring.
But why the Furthest Ring of all places? You try to find some sort of meaning behind it. Think, Eg8ert, think. When was the last time you zapped around all that much? What was the meaning behind all of that?
It was years ago, you vaguely recall. You couldn't control your powers yet. Terezi sent you to your denizen, who helped you figure it out. Then you, did what? Your memory is so hazy for some reason. Everything was so painfully clear just a bit ago. All day memories were flooding back, it was part of what stressed you out so much in the first place, and now they're all gone.
Wait, you remember you went back to Terezi after visiting your denizen. But how did you get back there?
You can't remember how you got back to where she and your past self had been discussing things, but you do remember she sent you all around the timeline to fix things. Or, "fix" things. You're pretty sure most of it was either her trolling you or her trying to fix her relationships, but you can't deny that things did end up getting fixed along the way.
But how?
God your memory is so foggy, come on this was such a big thing, she even had a list of things and a scarf and-
Passwords! That's right!
She had you think about specific words that helped you hone in on her location at various points in the timeline, so you could fix things that she claimed were important. But, wait, what does that have to do with anything? Fuck, you thought you had it. You thought you'd figured out what got you here, and now you're lost again. Unless you were thinking about something she had said when you zapped, but what would that have to do with anything? It's not like she's around he-
TEREZI: 3GB3RT?!
JOHN: terezi?!
Well, it looks like you got your birthday wish.
TEREZI: WH4T TH3 H3LL 4R3 YOU DO1NG H3R3 JOHN?
JOHN: what the hell are *you* doing here?!
TEREZI: 1V3 B33N OUT H3R3 LOOK1NG FOR 4 HUG3 B1TCH, DUMP4SS
TEREZI: 1N C4S3 YOUR F33BL3 L1TTL3 TH1NK P4N FORGOT
TEREZI: B3S1D3S 1 4SK3D F1RST >:[
TEREZI: WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG H3R3 JOHN?
You look the troll up and down. She looks like shit. Her hair is longer than usual, with a rough and choppy look to it, almost as if she's been attempting to keep it somewhat close to its usual length. Her clothes are tattered, her once vibrant red shoes have long since faded, and she seems to have taken to wearing a jacket.
JOHN: i don't know, actually.
JOHN: one minute i was in my living room having a meltdown and losing my mind, the next i'm way out in paradox space.
TEREZI: SO WHY D1DNT YOU Z4P B4CK?
TEREZI: 4SSUM1NG TH4TS HOW YOU GOT H3R3 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3
JOHN: that's...
JOHN: not exactly a good idea right now i don't think.
TEREZI: WHY NOT
JOHN: well, i really don't want to zap into the middle of my living room right after having an argument with jade that made me zap out here in the first place?
JOHN: especially not with everyone else around...
TEREZI: WHY W3R3 YOU 4RGU1NG W1TH H3R?
TEREZI: 4ND WH4T W4S SH3 DO1NG TH3R3 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3?
TEREZI: W41T WH4T DO YOU M34N 3V3RYON3
JOHN: i was kind of having a party?
JOHN: cause i turned 21 today?
TEREZI: FUCK TOD4YS YOUR WR1GGL1NG D4Y?
TEREZI: 1 KN3W 1 FORGOT SOM3TH1NG
TEREZI: SORRY JOHN T1M3 OUT H3R3S K1ND4 FUCK3D UP >:[
JOHN: it's alright i kind of figured as much.
JOHN: i mean, at least i got to see you again, instead of having to w8 until whenever you g-
TEREZI: WH4T D1D YOU S4Y
JOHN: wha-?
TEREZI: YOU S41D *W8*
TEREZI: TH4TS VR1SK4S TH1NG
TEREZI: 3GB3RT DO YOU W4NT TO T3LL M3 WHY YOU'R3 DO1NG VR1SK4S TH1NG?
Huh?
Oh. Yeah. The eights. How, uhh, how long have you been doing that?
JOHN: what the fuck, i am, when did that start?
JOHN: w8, may8e that's what jade was talking a8out when she-
TEREZI: JOHN
TEREZI: YOUR3 ST1LL DO1NG 1T
TEREZI: 4ND YOU ST1LL H4V3NT TOLD M3 WHY
TEREZI: NORM4LLY YOUR3 K1ND4 CUT3 WH3N YOU R4MBL3 BUT TH1S 1S R34LLY BOTH3R1NG M3
TEREZI: WHY 4R3 YOU DO1NG H3R TH1NG, 3GB3RT
JOHN: i don't know!!!!!!!!
TEREZI: 1 KN3W 1 P1CK3D UP ON 4LL THOS3 SHOUT POL3S
JOHN: look i-
You don't actually know. You haven't really noticed until now, to you it just felt like you were speaking normally. Something about it just feels right to you.
JOHN: i really don't know.
JOHN: i didn't even notice until you pointed it out!!
JOHN: it just felt right. like, comforta8le.
JOHN: comfortable, sorry.
TEREZI: 1 M34N 1F 1T F33LS COMFORT4BL3 TH3N DO 1T 1 GU3SS
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU R34LLY TH4T DUMB TH4T YOU D1DNT P1CK UP ON 1T, DORK?
JOHN: ugh!!!!!!!!
TEREZI: 1 TOLD YOU YOU SOUND L1K3 H3R
TEREZI: H3LL NOW YOU 3V3N LOOK L1K3 H3R
TEREZI: 1S TH3R3 SOM3TH1NG YOUR3 NOT T3LL1NG M3, 3GB3RT?
JOHN: like what!!!!!!!!
JOHN: what could i *possi8ly* not 8e telling y8u?
TEREZI: WH4T YOUR3 ST1LL DO1NG OUT H3R3, FOR ON3
That's a good question actually. What 4r3 you still doing out h3r3?
JOHN: god i don't know!
JOHN: may8e i just don't want to go 8ack yet!
JOHN: may8e i don't want to 8e around all those people!
JOHN: may8e i just kind of want to hang out with the only person in all of paradox space i've actually wanted to talk to all day!
JOHN: is that too much to ask!!!!!!!!
She looks a bit taken aback. Maybe you shouldn't have yelled at her.
JOHN: sorry, i didn't mean to yell.
TEREZI: 1TS F1N3, JOHN
TEREZI: 1M JUST NOT US3D TO YOU SOUND1NG SO MUCH L1K3 H3R 1 GU3SS
TEREZI: 1TS ST1LL 4 L1TTL3 W31RD >:[
JOHN: sorry...
You'd really appreciate it if she didn't keep saying your name. What else would she call you though?
TEREZI: SO
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS 1F YOUR3 GONN4 ST4Y H3R3 4 WH1L3
TEREZI: WH4TS ON YOUR M1ND?
So many things. Too many things. All of the things. All of them. Things you really don't want to think about anymore. Things you're almost embarrassed to bring up.
TEREZI: DONT B3 3MB4RR4SS3D DUMP4SS
TEREZI: YOU C4N T3LL M3 YOU M1SS M3
TEREZI: 1 DONT B1T3 >:]
JOHN: ugh.
JOHN: ok fine yes i miss you.
JOHN: we all do.
JOHN: 8ut i guess i... kind of really miss you.
TEREZI: HOW CUT3
JOHN: tereziiiiiiii! shut up!!
JOHN: things 8ack home aren't gr8.
JOHN: like, at all really.
TEREZI: L1K3 HOW
JOHN: uhhhhhhhh...
JOHN: actually you don't wanna hear a8out it.
JOHN: how uhhhhhhhh
JOHN: how's it 8een looking for vriska?
You swear if she could see she'd be looking right through you with the way she glares at you.
TEREZI: YOUR3 D3FL3CT1NG, 3GB3RT
TEREZI: WH4TS WRONG
JOHN: nothing!!!!!!!!
JOHN: things are just kind of 8oring, y'know?
JOHN: that's all!!!!!!!!
TEREZI: 1M BL1ND, NOT STUP1D
TEREZI: WH4TS WRONG
TEREZI: YOU KNOW 1M JUST GONN4 K33P 4SK1NG YOU
TEREZI: YOU C4N'T SN34K TH1S SH1T P4ST M3
TEREZI: 1 C4N SM3LL YOUR L13S DUMP4SS
JOHN: how the fuck do you smell lies?
TEREZI: B3C4US3 1M TH4T GOOD
TEREZI: NOW T3LL M3 WH4TS GO1NG ON
JOHN: fiiiiiiiine!!!!!!!!
Why does she have to be so insistent? Normally it doesn't bother you this much, but this is your first time seeing her in years, you don't want to talk about how much of a sad sack you are. Or think you are, since you're resolving to be nicer about yourself, lest you risk the ire of your narrator. Those things are boring and you'd rather just hang out here in the Furthest Ring with all the horrorterrors and the ghosts you keep seeing getting sucked into the black hole and you know what maybe being out here isn't so great after all.
JOHN: i guess what's wrong is
JOHN: me.
JOHN: i know that sounds stupid 8ut
JOHN: that's just how i feel l8ly.
JOHN: like every part of me is wrong.
JOHN: like i just shouldn't exist.
JOHN: especially whenever i talk to anyone 8ecause they all just keep calling me things that make me feel even worse!
JOHN: 8ecause they all keep reminding me of how wrong i am.
JOHN: how everything a8out me is wrong.
JOHN: like the way i look, or how everyone treats me, or calls me "dude" or calls me their "8rother"
JOHN: i mean i fucking 8lew up on jade 8ecause she wouldn't stop calling me her "8rother"!
JOHN: even my own fucking name hurts now, too...
She's been silent. Uncharacteristically silent, actually. No snarky jabs, no cutting in, no interrupting you with jokes. You're worried maybe she's going to hate you too.
TEREZI: SO YOU DONT L1K3 1T WH3N 1 C4LL YOU JOHN?
TEREZI: H4S TH4T B33N BOTH3R1NG YOU TH1S WHOL3 T1M3?
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: i really don't like it.
JOHN: i fucking h8 it.
JOHN: it just sounds completely wrong.
JOHN: it sounds like...
JOHN: no that's stupid.
TEREZI: T3LL M3
JOHN: no, you're just gonna laugh at me or something.
TEREZI: 4M 1 L4UGH1NG 4T YOU R1GHT NOW 3GB3RT?
EGBERT: i guess not...
EGBERT: ok fine.
EGBERT: i feel like it's just not even my name.
EGBERT: like "john" is just...
EGBERT: someone completely different.
EGBERT: some asshole that all of these people who say they're my friend...
EGBERT: that all of them used to know, and keep pretending is still me.
EGBERT: meanwhile i'm stuck here in this 8ody, pretending to 8e this guy that everyone knows, and i don't even know why.
EGBERT: it just kind of started all of a sudden.
Did it?
EGBERT: no, actually it didn't, not really.
EGBERT: it started a while ago i think.
EGBERT: it...
EGBERT: it's kind of 8een like this for...
EGBERT: fuck.
EGBERT: i don't even know.
EGBERT: i don't remem8er when it really started.
EGBERT: it feels like i have always lived like this.
EGBERT: like things have always 8een like this or something stupid like that.
EGBERT: this is so fucking stupid wh8t am i even saying?
TEREZI: YOUR3 GOOD
TEREZI: K33P GO1NG
TEREZI: 1M FOLLOW1NG YOU
EGBERT: i feel like...
EGBERT: like things have 8een like this forever
EGBERT: and i've never actually known anything else
EGBERT: and if i ever did then i pro8a8ly forgot it a long fucking time ago.
EGBERT: there.
You take a deep breath. Talking about this is making you anxious again. You're getting worried you're going to lash out again. You try to calm yourself down.
TEREZI: SO YOUV3 F3LT L1K3 TH1S YOUR WHOL3 L1F3
TEREZI: YOUR3 ONLY JUST NOW ST4RT1NG TO F1GUR3 1T OUT
TEREZI: ... 4ND YOU R34LLY C4NT T3LL WH4T TH1S M34NS?
What?
The fuck?
EGBERT: what the fuck terezi?
EGBERT: no, of course i fucking can't!
EGBERT: haven't we already esta8lished that i'm a fucking idi8t who doesn't know 8nything!!!!!!!!
EGBERT: what the f8ck do you mean 8y that what is th8t even supposed to me8n!!!!!!!!
She's silent. You feel a lump in your throat, and the beginning of tears welling up in your eyes. You yelled at her again. You got mad again. She definitely hates you now, she's not going to listen to you and she's going to leave. Either that or you're going to argue some more until you have another fucking tantrum and zap out to who fucking knows where and you're never going to see or hear from her ever a-
TEREZI: 1 W4NT TO T3LL YOU 4 STORY
... A story?
EGBERT: ok?
TEREZI: 1S TH4T OK?
EGBERT: i guess?
EGBERT: sorry i mean
EGBERT: yeah, go ahead.
EGBERT: sorry i got mad again.
TEREZI: 1TS F1N3
She sits down, not that that really does anything when floating in the middle of the void between universes and the home of eldritch monsters beyond your comprehension. It clearly seems a bit more comfortable for her, though, so you decide to do the same, hoping it will feel comfortable for you as well.
TEREZI: 1 4M GO1NG TO T3LL YOU 4 STORY 4BOUT 4 YOUNG TROLL
TEREZI: H1S N4M3 1SNT 1MPORT4NT
EGBERT: ok.
TEREZI: WH3N H3 W4S GROW1NG UP, SOM3TH1NG F3LT OFF TO H1M
TEREZI: H3 W4S N3V3R R34LLY SUR3 WH4T 1T W4S
TEREZI: BUT 1T 4LW4YS P1SS3D H1M OFF
TEREZI: 3SP3C14LLY S1NC3 H3 F3LT L1K3 H3 H4D 4 LOT TO L1V3 UP TO
TEREZI: YOU S33
TEREZI: H3 H4D R34D STOR13S 4BOUT H1S 4NC3STOR, 4ND H3 THOUGHT SH3 W4S JUST TH3 COOL3ST
TEREZI: BUT UNL1K3 H3R, H3 F3LT L1K3 4 DUMB L1TTL3 1D1OT WR1GGL3R
You can't tell what the point of this story is, but you decide to keep listening.
TEREZI: BUT TH3N H3 ST4RT3D T4LK1NG TO 4NOTH3R TROLL, 4ND H3 THOUGHT SH3 W4S SUP3R COOL TOO
TEREZI: H3 K1ND OF ST4RT3D TO R34LLY LOOK UP TO H3R
TEREZI: SH3 W4S TH1S B4D4SS K1ND OF G1RL, 4ND SH3 M4D3 H1M F33L COMFORT4BL3
TEREZI: H3 R34LLY L1K3D H3R 4 LOT
... Is she talking about who you think she's talking about?
TEREZI: BUT H3 4LSO R34L1Z3D TH4T NO M4TT3R HOW COMFORT4BL3 SH3 M4D3 H1M F33L
TEREZI: H3 ST1LL D1DNT R34LLY KNOW WH4T W4S WRONG
TEREZI: BUT SH3 TOLD H1M SOM3TH1NG TH4T NOBODY 3LS3 H4D BOTH3R3D TO T3LL H1M
TEREZI: SH3 TOLD H1M TH4T 1F H3 D1DNT F33L R1GHT 4BOUT WHO H3 W4S
TEREZI: H3 COULD JUST
TEREZI: B3 D1FF3R3NT
Wait...
TEREZI: YOU S33 3GB3RT
TEREZI: TROLLS DONT H4V3 TH3 S4M3 CONC3PT OF G3ND3R TH4T HUM4NS H4V3
TEREZI: TROLLS 4R3 D1FF3R3NT
TEREZI: YOU K1ND OF JUST D3C1D3 FOR YOURS3LF 1F YOU 4R3 4 BOY OR 4 G1RL
TEREZI: OR SOM3TH1NG 3LS3 3NT1R3LY
TEREZI: THOS3 4R3 JUST TH3 TWO MOST COMMON
TEREZI: TH3R3 4R3 4CTU4LLY 4 LOT OF TROLLS WHO D3C1D3 TO B3 N31TH3R
TEREZI: BUT 1NST34D B3 SOM3TH1NG TH4T TH3Y CONN3CT TO MOR3
TEREZI: 3SP3C14LLY S1NC3 G3ND3R DO3SNT 4CTU4LLY M4TT3R FOR R3PRODUCT1ON
TEREZI: OR 4T L34ST 1T D1DNT ON 4LT3RN14
TEREZI: W3 4R3 4LL K1ND4 BU1LT TH3 S4M3 4NYW4YS?
TEREZI: USU4LLY WH3TH3R YOU W3R3 4 G1RL OR 4 BOY W4S D3P3ND3NT ON WH4T3V3R YOUR LUSUS S41D
TEREZI: BUT ONC3 YOUR LUSUS D3C1D3D, YOU W3R3 FR33 TO CH4NG3 1T WH3N3V3R YOU W4NT3D
TEREZI: BUT YOU S33
TEREZI: NOBODY H4D 3V3R TOLD TH1S POOR DUMP4SS!!!!!
TEREZI: SO FOR H1S F1RST L1K3, F1V3 SW33PS?
TEREZI: H3 K3PT TRY1NG TO PR3T3ND TO B3 4 BOY FOR 3V3RYON3
Oh no. No that can't be where this story is going.
TEREZI: BUT, W1TH H1S COOL 4ND K1ND4 HOT FR13NDS H3LP, H3 D3C1D3D
TEREZI: FUCK 1T
TEREZI: 1M 4 G1RL NOW
TEREZI: NOBODY C4N T3LL M3 OTH3RW1S3
TEREZI: NOBODY *WOULD* T3LL M3 OTH3RW1S3
TEREZI: BUT YOU KNOW WH4T H4PP3N3D WH3N SH3 TOLD H3R FR13ND?
TEREZI: SH3 FOUND OUT SOM3TH1NG SH3 N3V3R WOULD H4V3 GU3SS3D
TEREZI: YOU KNOW WH4T TH4T W4S?
You gulp.
EGBERT: she was just like you...
EGBERT: vriska was just like you...
EGBERT: that's, that's why she told you.
EGBERT: i...
EGBERT: fuck...
TEREZI: Y34H DUMP4SS
TEREZI: NOW T3LL M3 4G41N
TEREZI: WH4TS GO1NG ON 3GB3RT
No. That can't be it. Really? You?
EGBERT: no i
EGBERT: fuck
EGBERT: shit i
This isn't happening. You're dreaming. Of course you are, that's the only explanation for why you would even be talking to her right now. You fell asleep while you were losing track of time as the wind earlier. That's what's going on, you fell asleep and crash landed somewhere and everything from the party onwards has all just been one long dream.
TEREZI: YOU C4N T3LL M3
TEREZI: NOW WH4TS WRONG
No this isn't happening this isn't real this is all just a dream you're not really here right now.
But what if you were? And even if this is all a dream, why not indulge her?
EGBERT: shut UP!!!!!!!!
EGBERT: no no i can't 8e this isn't real.
TEREZI: ST4Y W1TH M3 H3R3, 3GB3RT
TEREZI: TH1S 1S V3RY MUCH R34L
EGBERT: i'm
EGBERT: no
EGBERT: really?
EGBERT: is that really all it is?
EGBERT: this can't 8e fucking real this can't 8e it.
EGBERT: all these years of fucking h8ing myself just for this?
TEREZI: T3LL M3 WH4TS GO1NG ON
You're hyperventilating, you feel like you're having a panic attack. You take another deep breath. Terezi floats over to you and puts her hand on your shoulder. Tears are pouring from your face.
TEREZI: YOU C4N DO TH1S
EGBERT: i'm
EGBERT: fuck
EGBERT: i'm like you.
EGBERT: i'm like you are.
EGBERT: like you and vriska and roxy.
EGBERT: i'm a...
TEREZI: GO ON
Can you even say it? It feels like the world is ending, like everything you know is falling apart. Almost as if your entire existence, your entire life, is crumbling down. But then, in the midst of all the rubble, you find it. You find the word you're looking for.
EGBERT: i'm a girl?
TEREZI: 4TT4G1RL, 3GB3RT
You're shaking. She's close to you. You almost instinctively reach out and pull her into a hug.
EGBERT: this can't 8e real.
EGBERT: is this real?
EGBERT: am i really a girl? this can't 8e that fucking simple can it?
TEREZI: DO YOU W4NT TO B3?
EGBERT: i
EGBERT: yeah.
EGBERT: yeah i think so.
EGBERT: i wanna 8e a girl.
TEREZI: TH3N YOU 4R3 4 G1RL
TEREZI: 1T 1S R34LLY TH4T S1MPL3
God, never has anything felt so right. It's like the exact opposite of the way people calling you "dude" or "brother" or "John" ever felt. For years you felt like everything down to your very core was wrong, but now you feel right. For the first time in your life you feel completely and utterly right.
You, the human previously known as JOHN EGBERT, are in fact, a girl.
EGBERT: i think i finally get why she meant so much to you.
EGBERT: MEANS so much to you, i mean.
EGBERT: sorry.
TEREZI: 1TS F1N3, 3GB3RT
She lets out a sigh. You're not sure it's fine, but you wait for her to say something before you say anything else.
TEREZI: 1LL B3 HON3ST W1TH YOU
TEREZI: 1 4M ST4RT1NG TO TH1NK 1M NOT GONN4 F1ND H3R
EGBERT: really?
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 B33N OUT H3R3 FOR WH4T
TEREZI: HOW M4NY SW33PS NOW?
TEREZI: 1N 4 PL4C3 4S B1G 4ND 3NDL3SS 4S TH3 FURTH3ST GOG D4MN R1NG
TEREZI: FOR SOM3ON3 WHO PROB4BLY DO3SNT 3V3N W4NT TO B3 FOUND
TEREZI: NOT TO M3NT1ON...
She points at the jacket she's been wearing, though you're not really sure what's so remarkable about it. Other than the cerulean-tinted stains all over it. And the way it looks so suspiciously like your own green jacket, which Vriska made for you all those sweeps ago. Years ago. You have got to stop using all these troll words.
EGBERT: oh, yeah...
TEREZI: 1 M34N 1M NOT S4Y1NG 1 W4NT TO QU1T LOOK1NG
TEREZI: 1M NOT 4 QU1TT3R
TEREZI: 1M NOT SOM3 DUMB L1TTL3 WR1GGL3R TH4T G1V3S UP
TEREZI: 1 DONT W4NT TO G1V3 UP ON H3R, 3GB3RT
TEREZI: UGH NOW 1M 4CT1NG L1K3 YOU
TEREZI: 4LL S4D 4ND S4PPY L1K3 4N 4SSHOL3
TEREZI: YOUR3 D3F1N1T3LY 4 G1RL 4LR1GHT
EGBERT: heheheh :P
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS
TEREZI: 1 W1LL 4DM1T
TEREZI: TH3R3 1S 4 STRONG POSS1B1L1TY TH4T 1 WONT F1ND H3R B3FOR3 1 D13
TEREZI: 1F 1 ST4Y OUT H3R3 L1K3 TH1S
EGBERT: then let's get you home.
EGBERT: let's go 8ack to earth c.
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU 3V3N L1ST3N1NG TO M3, DUMP4SS?
EGBERT: i'm not saying it has to 8e the end, idiot!!
EGBERT: just...
EGBERT: why don't we go 8ack home, and get you fixed up.
EGBERT: and then eventually we can 8oth go looking for her?
She withdraws, seemingly upset.
TEREZI: 1 4M NOT GONN4 DR4G YOU OUT H3R3 W1TH M3 FOR WHO KNOWS HOW M4NY SW33PS
TEREZI: JUST TO F1ND FUCK1NG VR1SK4
EGBERT: 8ut you're not dragging me out here!
EGBERT: i want to.
EGBERT: i want to go with you!
EGBERT: i want to find her!
TEREZI: WOW 3GB3RT
TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS K1ND OF G4Y >:]
EGBERT: oh for fuck's s8ke terezi come on!!
TEREZI: LOOK, DO YOU R34LLY W4NT TO SP3ND J3GUS KNOWS HOW LONG STUCK W1TH M3?
EGBERT: why would i keep 8ugging you a8out it if i didn't?
EGBERT: 8ut we can worry a8out that l8r.
EGBERT: come home, terezi.
EGBERT: please?
Terezi ponders your request for a while. You start to wonder if you really should be begging her to come home like this, but you reassure yourself that if you don't, she'll probably stay out here searching until she dies. Or worse. You just want her to be safe.
... Alright, maybe you do have a crush on her. Just a little.
TEREZI: 4LR1GHT
TEREZI: FUCK 1T
TEREZI: 1 W1LL COM3 B4CK
TEREZI: BUT 1F SH3S NOT B4CK BY YOUR N3XT WR1GGL1NG D4Y
TEREZI: 1 4M COM1NG B4CK OUT H3R3
TEREZI: 4ND YOU B3TT3R COM3 W1TH M3
TEREZI: OR 1 4M 4BSOLUT3LY GONN4 D3STROY YOUR CH4GR1N TUNN3L
TEREZI: TH3R3 W1LL B3 NO 3GB3RT L3FT WH3N 1'M DON3 W1TH YOU
EGBERT: heheh, yeah you can try :P
TEREZI: 1M NOT JOK1NG
TEREZI: 1F YOU TRY TO G3T OUT OF TH1S YOU 4R3 DON3 FOR
EGBERT: ok ok ok, jeeeeeeeez, do you really think i would actually try to get out of coming with you?
TEREZI: 1 DON'T KNOW, YOUR3 CR4FT13R TH4N YOU TH1NK SOM3T1M3S
TEREZI: OR M4YB3 YOUR3 JUST DUMB
TEREZI: BUT MOR3 1MPORT4NTLY
TEREZI: HOW TH3 FUCK 4R3 W3 G3TT1NG HOM3?
Oh, yeah. That's going to be difficult, isn't it? You could probably always zap and take her with you, but you're not sure how that'd go considering it's been a good five years since you've ever zapped with another person. You don't remember it being particularly challenging though, maybe it won't be that bad this time either?
TEREZI: R34LLY
TEREZI: YOUR3 GO1NG TO Z4P M3 B4CK W1TH YOU
EGBERT: well what other choice do i have?
EGBERT: do *you* know how else to get home from this far out?
TEREZI: YOU R41S3 4 F41R PO1NT
TEREZI: UGH
TEREZI: 4LR1GHT
TEREZI: DO 1 JUST T4K3 YOUR H4ND OR WH4T?
EGBERT: yeah, just hold my hand and hold your 8reath may8e?
TEREZI: 1 KN3W 1T W4S 4LL 4 PLOY TO HOLD MY H4ND
TEREZI: YOUR3 LUCKY YOUR3 CUT3
You blush and stammer a bit, before taking her outstretched hand. You count down from three, and-
*zap*
---------------------------------------------------------
EGBERT: hey guys i'm really sorry i freaked out and disappeared i'm sorry i yelled at you jade 8ut look who i... found...?
Your house is dark. The lights are out. Nobody is home.
Chapter 7
You scramble through your house to find some semblance of anyone's presence, yet you find absolutely nobody. Things have been moved around, the food and drink you remember seeing on display in your kitchen is long gone, and your doors are all shut. Or, they were shut. You opened them to check in the rooms for signs of life, though your search upstairs was as futile as your search downstairs.
Your companion could not seem to care any less. She did not follow you out of the kitchen, instead choosing to remain there and satiate her hunger. You don't blame her. You're not sure how long it's been since she's last eaten.
Returning to the kitchen, you find her digging into the troll snacks Kanaya had left in your fridge. You ignore her, however, as your gaze drifts towards the countertop that once held a modest display of snacks. It now seems to be the home of a note. You wonder if Terezi tried to read it, but when you grasp the paper, it is completely dry. You silently thank her for not being curious enough to snoop.
-- Rose Lalonde [ROSE] left a note for John Egbert [JOHN] --
ROSE: Hello, John.
ROSE: Apologies for referring to you by your first name, I know you've been having difficulty with it.
ROSE: But I am currently somewhat distraught, and can't think of a better way to begin this.
ROSE: I considered simply using your last name, but this felt far too informal nor did I feel it portrayed the extent of my distress.
ROSE: Though, I'm sure the very fact I am leaving you a note in your home, which you very obviously do not currently occupy, should be a sign of just how distressed I am.
ROSE: It's been three days since you disappeared, and we're all worried about you.
ROSE: I'm not sure where you are, but I hope wherever you are, you're at least safe.
ROSE: Should you decide not to come back, I think I'd understand. The others may not, we'll all most likely be upset and mourn your departure, but I think I would understand.
ROSE: I do, however, hope you come back soon.
ROSE: I miss you. We all do.
ROSE: Please come home, John.
-- Rose Lalonde [ROSE] finished a note for John Egbert [JOHN] --
Fuck.
Three days? How did three whole days pass?
TEREZI: WH4TS TH3 NOT3 S4Y?
EGBERT: it says we were gone for three fucking days!
TEREZI: OH SH1T
TEREZI: 1 M34N 1 TOLD YOU 3GB3RT
TEREZI: T1M3 OUT 1N TH3 FURTH3ST R1NG 1S K1ND4 FUCK3D UP >:[
EGBERT: fuck i can't 8elieve i was gone for so long they're pro8a8ly so worried.
TEREZI: Y34H PROB4BLY
TEREZI: WHY 1S K4N4Y4S SH1TTY GRUB S4UC3 1N H3R3?
EGBERT: i don't know i guess she left it after the party!
TEREZI: GROSS
TEREZI: 1M GONN4 H4V3 TO G3T US SOM3 B3TT3R STUFF
EGBERT: wait what?
EGBERT: what do you mean "us"?
TEREZI: 1 M34N 1M ST4Y1NG W1TH YOU, DUMP4SS
EGBERT: wait what do you mean i never said you could st8y here?
TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK 1 M34N, 3GB3RT
TEREZI: FOR ON3, 1 DONT 3X4CTLY H4V3 4 PL4C3 TO GO
TEREZI: UNL3SS 1 GO ST4Y W1TH D4V3 4ND K4RK4T, WH1CH
TEREZI: 4S T3MPT1NG 4S 1T WOULD B3 JUST TO FUCK W1TH K4RK4T
TEREZI: 1D R4TH3R NOT
TEREZI: B3S1D3S
TEREZI: 1V3 GOT 4 TROLL C43G4R TH4T S4YS YOU WOULD H4V3 4SK3D M3 4NYW4YS
TEREZI: B3C4US3 1 KNOW YOUR3 G4Y 4S SH1T >:]
You blush hard.
EGBERT: ok fine i might have.
EGBERT: 8ut you don't actually know that!!!!!!!!
TEREZI: DO YOU R34LLY W4NT TO CH4LL3NG3 M3 ON TH4T?
EGBERT: no........
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT SO
TEREZI: 1F YOU 4CTU4LLY DONT W4NT M3 TO ST4Y THOUGH
TEREZI: 1 C4N PROB4BLY STOM4CH ST4Y1NG W1TH THOS3 BOYS FOR 4 B1T
EGBERT: no, seriously, it's alright.
EGBERT: i'm just messing with you, i kind of was actually planning to offer you a place to stay if you needed one.
TEREZI: S33?
TEREZI: G4Y 4S SH1T, 3GB3RT
EGBERT: god fucking dammit.
EGBERT: ok quit 8ugging me i need to message rose and let her know we're alright!
You decide to leave the kitchen before the teal temptress steals any more of your time. You check your MOBILE DEVICE so you can open your favorite INSTANT MESSAGING CLIENT, but glancing at the date it gives you, you are filled with ANXIETY.
EGBERT: hey uhhhhhhhh, terezi?
No answer.
EGBERT: tereziiiiiiii?!
Still no answer. You decide to check on her and return to the kitchen, only to find her face buried deep into your cabinets.
TEREZI: J3GUS WHY C4NT 1 F1ND 4NYTH1NG?
TEREZI: DO YOU NOT K33P 4NY FOOD 4ROUND?
TEREZI: W41T, H4V3 1 B33N H3R3 B3FOR3?
EGBERT: terezi it's been two fucking weeks!
TEREZI: WH4T?
EGBERT: i've 8een gone for two goddamn weeks terezi!!
EGBERT: fuck every8ody's pro8a8ly
EGBERT: they pro8a8ly all think i'm dead!
TEREZI: R3L4X N3RD
TEREZI: L3TS JUST GO S1T 1N YOUR R3SP1T3BLOCK FOR 4 B1T
EGBERT: my what?
TEREZI: TH3 ROOM WH3R3 YOU SL33P, DUMP4SS
TEREZI: L3TS GO TH3R3 4ND JUST R3L4X FOR 4 S3COND
TEREZI: OK?
EGBERT: 8ut i need to tell everyone i'm not fucking dead or something!
EGBERT: 8ut i really don't want to have to deal with all of them right now 8ut i don't want anyone to worry 8ut if i message someone then they'll pro8a8ly all come running over here or so-
Terezi grabs your shoulders and gives you a little shake.
TEREZI: H3Y
TEREZI: R3L4X
TEREZI: BR34TH3
TEREZI: YOU S41D 1TS B33N TWO W33KS R1GHT?
EGBERT: yeah...
TEREZI: TH3Y H4V3 B33N WORRY1NG FOR TWO WHOL3 W33KS
TEREZI: TH4TS 4 WH1L3
TEREZI: YOU KNOW WH4TS NOT N34RLY 4S LONG?
EGBERT: what?
TEREZI: 4 F3W HOURS
TEREZI: SO WHY DONT W3
TEREZI: JUST GO H4NG OUT
TEREZI: 4ND FORG3T 4BOUT TH3M FOR JUST 4 B1T
TEREZI: TH3Y DONT 3V3N KNOW YOUR3 B4CK Y3T, R1GHT?
EGBERT: i don't think so...
EGBERT: i still haven't had a chance to tell anyone yet, so i don't know how they could...
TEREZI: OK
TEREZI: TH3N R3L4X
EGBERT: yeah 8ut what if-
TEREZI: BUT NOTH1NG, DORK
TEREZI: YOU 3V3N S41D YOU DONT W4NT TO T4LK TO TH3M Y3T
TEREZI: R1GHT?
EGBERT: yeah...
TEREZI: 4ND QU1T L34V1NG 4LL THOS3 F1N1SH CRUMBS 3V3RYWH3R3
TEREZI: L3TS H4NG OUT H3R3 TOG3TH3R 4ND NOT WORRY 4BOUT TH3M
TEREZI: 4ND TH3N WH3N YOU F33L B3TT3R
TEREZI: YOU C4N L3T SOM3ON3 KNOW YOUR3 4L1V3
TEREZI: TH4T SOUND 4LR1GHT?
You nod, and she pulls you over toward your couch.
TEREZI: B3S1D3S
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW 4BOUT YOU
TEREZI: BUT TH3R3S GOT TO B3 SOM3TH1NG 1 C4N C4LL YOU OTH3R TH4N 3GB3RT
TEREZI: 4ND 1 R34LLY DONT TH1NK YOU W4NT M3 TO US3 YOUR OTH3R N4M3
Oh. That's right. Your name. You should probably pick one out, shouldn't you? You hadn't thought this far ahead. Really, you hadn't thought ahead at all, to be fair.
EGBERT: uhhhhhhhh
EGBERT: fuck may8e uhhhhhhhh
TEREZI: HOW 4BOUT S3RK3T 2?
EGBERT: pfffffffft hahaha!
EGBERT: come on i'm not THAT much like her.
You stop for a moment.
EGBERT: ... am i?
TEREZI: 3HHHHH
TEREZI: L1TTL3 B1T?
EGBERT: oh fuck you lol.
EGBERT: ok how about ummm,
EGBERT: emily?
EGBERT: no that sounds weird with my last name. emily eg8ert.
TEREZI: 1T SOUNDS DUMB
You both pass back a few ideas. You think most of yours are good, but hers mostly sound cooked up from some kind of name generator spitting out gibberish for "fantasy worlds". Names like Veelna, or Elmura, or even Fongik. Then it occurs to you those are probably troll names and she's probably offended by your continued insults towards her culture. You then reconsider this and wonder if perhaps she was trolling you, considering more than a few of her suggestions were jokes at your expense.
EGBERT: oh, w8, i think i've got one.
TEREZI: OH GR34T
EGBERT: shut up.
EGBERT: ok so.
EGBERT: way 8ack when we were first playing s8ur8, when vriska first messaged me
EGBERT: she did this thing.
EGBERT: you know how she draws vowels out a 8unch?
EGBERT: 8ecause of her whole "8" thing?
TEREZI: Y34H YOU M34N TH4T TH1NG YOU STOL3?
EGBERT: shut up!
EGBERT: she did that like
EGBERT: 8 times the first time she messaged me.
EGBERT: with the o in my old name.
EGBERT: like she carefully counted out 8 rows of 8.
EGBERT: i laughed at it and pronounced it in my head like a really long "june", 8ecause it was so many o's.
EGBERT: i think i wanna go with that.
She thinks about it for a moment.
TEREZI: R34LLY?
TEREZI: JUN3?
TEREZI: 1 M34N 1TS NOT TH4T 1M4G1N4T1V3
TEREZI: 1T K1ND4 SOUNDS L1K3 YOUR OLD N4M3
EGBERT: i mean, yeah, i guess.
EGBERT: 8ut it also kind of means something personal to me?
EGBERT: plus it is like a reminder of some8ody that i kind of miss.
TEREZI: 4LR1GHT
TEREZI: SO HOW DO3S 1T F33L TH3N, JUN3?
Holy shit.
JUNE: it feels incredi8le...
JUNE: holy fuck.
JUNE: it's.
JUNE: it's my name.
JUNE: can you um, can you say it again?
TEREZI: OK
TEREZI: JUN3
JUNE: fuck...
You feel so wonderful, you could cry. That is, if you weren't already crying. You're not even sure how you managed to produce so many tears today. Or, rather, over the last two weeks. That's going to take some getting used to. You've lost whole days before to memory fog but never two whole weeks, and unlike the memory fog you haven't merely forgotten: you genuinely did not experience two entire weeks of Earth C time. This is why you are the HEIR of BREATH, and not the KNIGHT of TIME, because unlike Dave you don't think you understand the nonlinearity of time very well.
TEREZI: 4LR1GHT
TEREZI: NOT TO B3 TH4T B1TCH
TEREZI: BUT 1 N33D SOM3TH1NG TO 34T
TEREZI: PR3F3R4BLY SOM3TH1NG SUBST4NT14L 1NST34D OF TH4T POWD3R STUFF YOU K33P 1N YOUR M34LBLOCK
JUNE: terezi did you...
JUNE: did you eat my sugar?
JUNE: did you eat like just plain sugar?
TEREZI: 1S TH4T TH3 SW33T STUFF?
JUNE: yes!!!!!!!!
TEREZI: TH3N Y3S
TEREZI: 1S TH4T B4D?
JUNE: i mean.
JUNE: it's not meant for eating str8 like that?
TEREZI: OH
JUNE: you'll 8e fine i'm sure.
JUNE: look let's just order pizza.
TEREZI: P1ZZ4?
Terezi hasn't heard of pizza? Is that not something trolls have? There are troll celebrities named exactly the same as your human celebrities but trolls don't have pizza? The cultural differences between you two are vast, and you're not sure you'll ever fully understand them.
JUNE: it's like a 8ig disc of 8read, covered in this red sauce and-
TEREZI: 1M SOLD
JUNE: what?
JUNE: you didn't even let me finish!
TEREZI: 1M SOLD JUN3
TEREZI: 1 W4NT TH3 R3D FL4VOR D1SC
TEREZI: L3TS G3T MOV1NG DORK, 1 4M L1T3R4LLY ST4RV1NG TO D34TH H3R3
JUNE: ok fine!!!!!!!!
JUNE: 8ut it's also got cheese and these little red meat circles we call pe-
TEREZI: HOLY SH1T TH3R3 4R3 *MOR3* R3D D1SCS ON TH3 R3D FL4VOR D1SC?
TEREZI: JUN3
TEREZI: 1 W4NT TH1S R3D FL4VOR D1SC
JUNE: alright jeez!!
JUNE: i'll go put in the order!!
TEREZI: 4ND G3T 3XTR4 GRUB S4UC3, 3GDORK
TEREZI: BUT NON3 OF TH4T GR33N SH1T K4N4Y4 L1K3S
---------------------------------------------------------
Before today, you would never have expected you would be combining pizza with a condiment you are told is named something like "grub sauce". If someone had told you that you would not only do this, but actually enjoy it, you would have thought they were trolling you. Especially if a troll had told you that.
Today though, you have finally ascended to womanhood, and learned the joy that is pizza with grub sauce. Maybe these vast cultural differences can be bridged. Once the two of you clean up your meal, you decide to sit together on your couch and shit talk each other. You are clearly losing.
JUNE: ok 8ut i'm not the one who disappeared without 8ringing any kind of food with me.
TEREZI: DO YOU R34LLY W4NT TO GO TH3R3, 3GB3RT?
JUNE: what do you mean?
TEREZI: YOU L1T3R4LLY D1S4PP34R3D FROM YOUR P4RTY
TEREZI: 4ND YOU D1DNT 3V3N BR1NG M3 4NY SN4CKS >:[
JUNE: ok that's
JUNE: that's fair.
JUNE: 8ut i didn't even KNOW i was going to disappear like that!
TEREZI: DO3SNT M4TT3R
JUNE: yes it does!
JUNE: you KNEW you were going to 8e gone for a long time!
JUNE: i didn't even know i was going to 8e gone at all!
TEREZI: MMMMM 1 DONT KNOW
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK YOU JUST W4NT3D TO B3 4 B1TCH
TEREZI: 4ND T34S3 M3
TEREZI: TH3 POOR BL1ND HUNGRY G1RL FLO4T1NG OUT 1N TH3 UNKNOWN
TEREZI: LOOK1NG FOR H3R D34R FR13ND >:[
JUNE: oh you KNOW that's 8ullshit come on!
TEREZI: YOU WOUND M3 W1TH YOUR WORDS, JUN3
TEREZI: YOUR P41NFULLY BLU3 T4ST1NG WORDS
TEREZI: YOUR CUT3 1NNOC3NC3 CL34RLY H1D3S YOUR 1NN3R S3RK3T
You can't help but blush.
JUNE: y-you think i'm cute?
She bursts out laughing. Fuck did you say something wrong?
TEREZI: *TH4T'S* WH4T YOU TOOK FROM TH4T?
TEREZI: 1 C4N C4LL YOU TH3 3QU1V4L3NT OF 4 HUG3 B1TCH
TEREZI: 4ND YOU ST1LL G3T 4LL CUT3 4ND BLUSHY?
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 SUCH 4 DORK
JUNE: h-hey!!
JUNE: you don't have to p-put it like that!!
You frown a bit, feeling a little upset that you got so anxious over her teasing. She only laughs more at your expression.
TEREZI: YOU KNOW, 1F 1 D1DN'T KNOW 4NY B3TT3R
TEREZI: 1 WOULD S4Y YOU H4D R3D F33L1NGS FOR M3 >:]
Wait what?!
JUNE: n-no i don't!!
JUNE: fuck you!!!!!!!!
TEREZI: 1S TH4T 4 R3QU3ST?
Oh for fuck's sake.
JUNE: i don't have a f8cking crush on you, terezi!
TEREZI: JUN3 1 TOLD YOU
TEREZI: 1M BL1ND
TEREZI: NOT STUP1D
JUNE: and what the f8ck is th8t supposed to me8n!!
She chuckles, her impish grin growing even wider, her menacing yet oddly adorable teeth showing. Your anxiety begins to spike again, but it doesn't feel particularly bad. You're not...
TEREZI: 3NJOY1NG TH1S?
JUNE: n-no!! what does that even m-mean!!
TEREZI: 1T M34NS
She slides closer to you on the couch. She's right up against you. Your heart keeps pounding.
TEREZI: OUT OF 4NYWH3R3 4T 4NY T1M3 1N 4NY POSS1BL3 UN1V3RS3
TEREZI: L1T3R4LLY 1NF1N1T3 POSS1B1L1T13S
TEREZI: YOU Z4PP3D R1GHT TO WH3R3 1 W4S
TEREZI: WH3N YOU CONC31V4BLY COULD NOT H4V3 4NY 1D34 WH3R3 TH4T W4S
She pauses. Your heart is practically on fire.
TEREZI: 4ND Y3T YOU 4R3 SUCH 4 DORK YOU ST1LL C4NT 4DM1T YOU H4V3 R3D F33L1NGS FOR M3
God fucking dammit. You stammer and attempt to summon an answer, but before you can utter any coherent semblance of words, you are saved by the timely buzz coming from your pants.
JUNE: h-hold on i sh-should uhh, may8e check that.
She laughs and retreats to the end of the couch she previously occupied, seemingly satisfied with herself. You check your phone and realize Rose is attempting to reach you.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
TT: I'm not sure why I'm attempting to reach you again.
TT: I think I haven't quite accepted your disappearance yet.
TT: The others are growing complacent, and have all but given up hope for your return.
TT: And yet...
TT: Some part of me is convinced you're still there.
EB: rose holy shit i'm so sorry fuck.
TT: John?
TT: Is that actually you?
You nearly forgot that nobody apart from you and Terezi have any idea that your name has changed. You wish you could say something, but you're not sure this is the appropriate outlet. She also appears to have forgotten your previously stated desire to not be referred to by that name, but considering she's gone two weeks without a word from you, you try not to let it bother you too much.
EB: yeah it's me fuck i'm sorry.
EB: i thought i was only gone for a few hours, it wasn't until i got 8ack i realized how long it had 8een.
TT: Back?
TT: From, where exactly?
EB: the furthest ring.
TT: Ahh.
TT: As one does.
TT: I hope you'll forgive me for asking, as it's probably plainly obvious to anyone who would receive an answer like that, but:
TT: Why in the literal, actual fuck were you out in the Furthest Ring?
EB: oh yeah, it's uhhhhhhhh, kind of a long story?
EB: 8ut i kind of, uhh, may or may not have run into terezi?
TT: Terezi Pyrope.
TT: Really?
EB: yeah.
EB: she's actually sitting next to me on my couch right now!
EB: she says hi!
TT: Terezi Pyrope is sitting on your couch after the two of you spent two weeks in the Furthest Ring.
TT: In that case would you mind letting me know when exactly you got back?
Oh boy. This is the part you were worried about.
EB: we actually got 8ack just a little 8it ago, 8ut i didn't want to tell anyone yet.
EB: it's 8een a long day for me and i kind of don't have the energy to talk to everyone.
EB: i wanted to let you know 8ut i was worried you would tell everyone else and i'd have to deal with every8ody coming over and asking a 8illion questions and
EB: not to mention jade.
EB: fuck.
EB: i'm sorry.
TT: It's alright.
TT: I won't tell anyone else yet.
EB: thanks.
EB: actually, if you wouldn't mind coming over, i do want to actually tell you what happened.
EB: and it's ok if kanaya knows, i figure anything i tell you, you tell her anyways.
EB: is that ok or is it too l8 tonight?
She doesn't respond. Did you say something wrong? Fuck. You feel your chest constrict yet again. You're getting really tired of having constant anxiety today.
TT: No, it's not too late.
TT: Admittedly, I am a bit worried about your explanations for everything so far, seeing as you seem unusually calm about this...
TT: So I would like to see you in person in part to confirm it *is* actually you, and not someone pretending to be you.
TT: I hope you can understand my suspicions.
TT: Disappearing for two weeks, only to return offering shockingly relaxed mentions of not only returning from time spent in the Furthest Ring, but the return of someone who has been gone for three years
TT: In addition to the shocking increase of occurrences of the number eight in your typing
TT: Is not a particularly reassuring thing to see in my messages with my oldest friend.
EB: yeah, i get that.
EB: i'm really sorry.
EB: it honestly only felt like a few hours!
EB: i'll tell you more when you and kanaya get here.
TT: Thank you.
TT: We'll be around shortly.
TT: And John?
EB: yeah?
TT: Please be telling the truth.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
Fuck. She doesn't think you're really John.
But, you aren't, are you? John isn't real anymore. He likely never was real. It's always been you, all along. You only had to figure it out and acknowledge it.
JUNE: it was rose.
TEREZI: WH4T D1D SH3 S4Y
JUNE: she says she isn't sure she 8elieves it's me
JUNE: 8ut that her and kanaya are coming over.
JUNE: and they promised not to tell anyone yet, so that's good.
Her demeanor returns to the seriousness of before, which worries you.
JUNE: i'm kind of scared, terezi.
TEREZI: OF WH4T?
JUNE: their reaction.
JUNE: rose is my oldest friend, and kanaya's her wife, and i'm scared they're going to h8 me or think i'm some8ody else.
TEREZI: JUN3
TEREZI: 1 R34LLY DOUBT TH4T
JUNE: and what makes you think that?
TEREZI: B3C4US3 4NYON3 COULD T4K3 4 LOOK 4T YOU 4ND R34L1Z3
TEREZI: 1T 1S 1MPOSS1BL3 TO F4K3 B31NG SUCH 4 DORK
JUNE: oh for fuck's s8ke terezi knock it off!!!!!!!!
TEREZI: YOU KNOW 1 4M R1GHT
JUNE: ... i guess 8ut that's 8eside the point.
She slides closer to you again, but this time seemingly to comfort you rather than to tease you.
TEREZI: 1TLL B3 OK
TEREZI: YOU S41D 1T YOURS3LF
TEREZI: SH3 1S YOUR OLD3ST FR13ND
TEREZI: 4ND YOU HUM4NS 4R3 4LL L1TTL3 W1GGL3RS 4NYW4Y
TEREZI: DO YOU R34LLY TH1NK SH3 WOULDNT R3COGN1Z3 YOU?
That's a good point.
TEREZI: 1 KNOW 1TS 4 GOOD PO1NT
Ok how the fuck?
TEREZI: LOOK, JUST R3L4X
TEREZI: L3TS G3T B4CK TO H4V1NG FUN
TEREZI: 4ND WH3N TH3Y SHOW UP, YOULL B3 1N 4 B3TT3R MOOD
JUNE: i guess that sounds alright.
TEREZI: S33?
TEREZI: WH3N 4M 1 WRONG 4BOUT 4NYTH1NG?
TEREZI: L1T3R4LLY N3V3R
JUNE: more like all the time :P
TEREZI: N4M3 ON3 TH1NG 1 4M WRONG 4BOUT, DORK
JUNE: everything!!
JUNE: i mean, a lot of things?
JUNE: ok fine you're right a8out a lot of things, fuck you!
TEREZI: 1TS H4RD B31NG R1GHT 4BOUT 3V3RYTH1NG 4LL TH3 T1M3, JUN3
TEREZI: 1TS H4RD, 4ND NOBODY UND3RST4NDS
Before you have a moment to respond, you hear a knock on your door. That was faster than you expected. You're not sure you're ready for this. Terezi pats your shoulder and encourages you to answer the door, while continuing to tease you on your way there.
You open the door and you see her.
JUNE: hey rose, hey kanaya...
She looks at you, almost as if she's studying you. You feel your chest begin to hurt again. You tense up as if to defend yourself in case she attempts anything. Then, when you least expect it, she lunges towards you and pulls you into a hug.
JUNE: doof
ROSE: I can't believe it.
ROSE: It's really you.
ROSE: John Egbert I have been worried sick about you for days.
ROSE: You are my dearest friend and I love you but you have a *lot* to explain.
You think you feel tears on your jacket, and that combined with her words causes your emotions begin to overwhelm you. Somehow, despite how dry your tear ducts should have gotten by now, you manage to join her. The two of you cry into each other's shoulders, before you finally break away and invite them inside. Terezi gets up and sits on the armrest of your couch, presumably to give the three of you room.
TEREZI: H3Y M4RY4M
KANAYA: Greetings Pyrope
TEREZI: LONG T1M3 NO T4ST3 >:]
KANAYA: Are You Sure This Is An Appropriate Greeting After Disappearing For Sweeps
ROSE: Ladies, is this necessary?
JUNE: i don't know it's kind of amusing :P
TEREZI: YOUR3 ON3 TO T4LK, DORK
You and Rose sit towards the middle, with you close to Terezi who casually places a hand on your shoulder. Kanaya meanwhile sits at the other end next to Rose, who grasps her hand.
ROSE: So, J- friend.
ROSE: Sorry again for continuing to use your name, I know you mentioned it bothers you.
JUNE: actually that's kind of one of the things i want to talk a8out.
ROSE: Oh?
KANAYA: It Might First Be Prudent To Explain What The Hell Happened Wouldnt It
JUNE: oh yeah.
JUNE: i mean there's not much to tell.
ROSE: You went to the Furthest Ring for two weeks, and there's not much to tell?
JUNE: yeah! honestly!
JUNE: one minute i was arguing with jade and losing my mind
JUNE: and the next minute i was out there.
JUNE: i didn't have any memory of how it happened, i just remem8er 8eing in this 8ig void all of a sudden, 8efore i noticed the green sun way off in the distance.
JUNE: i tried to remem8er how i got there when out of nowhere terezi yells at me, which freaked me out.
JUNE: we kind of talked for a while
TEREZI: 1 Y3LL3D 4T YOU 4 B1T 4BOUT SOUND1NG L1K3 VR1SK4
JUNE: yeah that happened.
KANAYA: Why Do You Sound Like Her If I May Ask
ROSE: Yes, that was part of what was worrying about your response earlier.
ROSE: Though in hindsight, I think I remember noticing you doing it prior to your disappearance.
You shift around in your seat a bit, trying to find the answer.
JUNE: honestly? i don't know.
JUNE: i didn't even notice at first, not until she called me out.
JUNE: 8ut 8y then it was everywhere and i kind of just couldn't stop.
JUNE: it just kind of feels natural i guess?
JUNE: i don't know.
KANAYA: Serket Does Have A Habit Of Affecting Those Whose Lives She Has Impacted
KANAYA: I Wouldnt Let It Occupy Too Much Space In Your Think Pan
ROSE: I'm not sure, I think it's an interesting change that I'd like to pester and interrogate you about in due time.
ROSE: But I suppose it's not particularly of the essence tonight.
TEREZI: DONT WORRY L4LOND3
TEREZI: 1 W1LL H3LP OUT W1TH TH4T >:]
You can't help but blush, which embarrasses you in front of your friends, which causes you to blush even harder. A bitter cycle to be trapped in, for sure. Thankfully, Rose rescues you from this cycle, hopefully not sensing the cause behind your flushed face. Though, knowing Rose, she likely does.
ROSE: I appreciate the offer, but I'd like to hear more of this story.
JUNE: thanks rose.
JUNE: we talked a 8unch a8out things, and then she decided to come home with me, so i zapped us 8ack to my house, only to find out it had 8een two weeks and everyone thought i was dead.
TEREZI: YOU W4NT TO T3LL TH3M WH4T W3 T4LK3D 4BOUT?
TEREZI: OR DO YOU W4NT M3 TO DO 1T?
JUNE: no, i'll do it.
You take a breath and begin to summon the courage to tell them what you discovered about yourself, only for Kanaya of all people to interrupt with a chilling remark.
KANAYA: You Dont Happen To Be Matesprits Now Do You
KANAYA: If Thats All It Is Then Im Not Sure Why All Of The Fuss
JUNE: no!!!!!!!!
JUNE: it's not th8t!!!!!!!!
KANAYA: Oh
KANAYA: My Apologies
KANAYA: I Had Assumed Your Relationship Was More Flushed
KANAYA: But If Pyrope Is Your Kismesis Thats Quite Alright Too
Terezi cannot stop laughing, and you cannot stop blushing. Your head falls into your hands as a frustrated sigh escapes your lips. You think you hear Rose chuckling, but you're not sure you want to look up.
JUNE: no.
JUNE: that's not it either.
JUNE: it's not a8out our rel8tionship.
JUNE: it's a8out me.
JUNE: rose, you remem8er the convers8tion we had the other night?
ROSE: I do, yes.
ROSE: Regarding your name, among other things.
TEREZI: WOW 3GB3RT
TEREZI: 4ND H3R3 1 THOUGHT 1 W4S TH3 ONLY ON3
TEREZI: DO YOU FL1RT W1TH 3V3RYBODY BY T4LK1NG 4BOUT YOUR G3ND3R?
JUNE: ughhhhhhhh, can it, pyrope!
That was unusually Vriska-like of you, June. You cover your mouth after the words come out, in fear of the response, but she just continues laughing. This girl is going to drive you insane, isn't she?
JUNE: sorry, anyways.
JUNE: we talked for a while a8out that.
JUNE: and she helped me discover something a8out myself i'd 8een repressing for
JUNE: god.
JUNE: my whole life?
JUNE: i haven't 8een a8le to admit it to myself until now.
JUNE: 8ut.
You gulp. This is it. No turning back now.
JUNE: i'm actually a girl.
JUNE: and my name is june.
JUNE: june eg8ert.
Chapter 8
The silence in your living room is maddeningly loud. It feels as if far too much time has passed with no one saying anything since speaking your revelation. This is not good. You begin to shift in your seat, the hand on your shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze. Surely Rose would understand, right? Her own sibling is nonbinary, surely something like this she would understand.
Right?
ROSE: You're...
ROSE: A girl?
JUNE: yeah.
ROSE: Hmmm...
You cannot seem to grasp the look on her face. She looks, mad? No, not mad. What is that look she's giving you? It almost looks like, confusion? You think you see shades of disappointment even?
ROSE: I'm not sure I've ever been so surprised by something in my life, June.
... Huh?
ROSE: Not that I don't believe you of course, I do.
ROSE: I just can't believe I hadn't seen this.
ROSE: We've known each other for how long now?
ROSE: And yet, in all my years of knowing you, all the times I tried to play therapist as a child and peek into your innermost feelings
ROSE: I somehow never picked up on this.
ROSE: Even considering Roxy had already come out to me.
ROSE: You must have been repressing this very deeply.
JUNE: yeah, i kind of was.
JUNE: i think i just said that, actually.
ROSE: Yes, you did, my apologies.
ROSE: Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this so soon, before the others.
You want to tell her that of course you trust her so much, she's your oldest friend and she's been there for you so many times before, but your mind is stuck on something. You remember things now. A torrent of memories flooding your mind, things you had repressed and shoved deep down into the recesses of your mind, in the hopes you'd never have to think about them again. All the times growing up where you had wished you were a girl. All the times you were subconsciously jealous of your friends. Well, apart from Dave, for obvious reasons.
God, please, don't start crying again. You start pushing these memories back down, but they push back and continue finding their way to the surface, only escaping your body in the form of more tears. The hand on your shoulder disappears for a moment, as Terezi tries to awkwardly squeeze in between you and the arm of the couch, attempting to wrap her arm around you.
TEREZI: H3Y, JUN3, 1TS OK
JUNE: sorry i just
JUNE: i can't stop remem8ering things.
TEREZI: 1TS OK, 1 PROM1S3
TEREZI: YOU DON'T H4V3 TO WORRY 4BOUT TH4T STUFF R1GHT NOW
TEREZI: 1 GOT YOU
TEREZI: W3 C4N T4LK 1T OUT L4T3R
TEREZI: WH3N YOUR3 F33L1NG B3TT3R
The tears start to fade as she comforts you. You don't want to keep repressing things, but, you would like to stop thinking about these things right now.
JUNE: thanks, terezi...
Her arms feel nice. That's really all there is to say on the matter.
KANAYA: I Do Have To Admit
KANAYA: Im Not Particularly Surprised
KANAYA: Though Perhaps This Is Because It Wasnt Considered A Very Important Thing On Alternia
ROSE: Oh?
KANAYA: Indeed
KANAYA: I Find Humans To Be Far More Concerned With Their Gender Than Trolls
KANAYA: At Least
KANAYA: The Trolls I Knew
KANAYA: Gender Was Simply Not A Particularly Big Deal For Us
TEREZI: Y34H TH4TS WH4T 1 TOLD H3R
TEREZI: WH3N 1 C4M3 OUT NOBODY G4V3 4 SH1T
ROSE: Wait, you too?
ROSE: Really?
TEREZI: L4LOND3, H4LF OUR S3SS1ON W4S TR4NS
ROSE: This is...
ROSE: Intriguing.
ROSE: I hadn't realized how common it would have been for trolls.
JUNE: yeah, when she helped me figure it out i was freaking out a8out it.
JUNE: 8ut she was all "duh, dumpass".
JUNE: oh, sorry, w8.
JUNE: "DUH, DUMP4SS".
TEREZI: YOU B1G FUCK1NG N3RD >:]
You laugh, something you were worried you weren't capable of doing anymore after all of the crying. Terezi gives you a squeeze, withdrawing the hand on your shoulder but keeping her other arm wrapped around you. You then notice you're leaning a bit close to her, and blush, hoping nobody notices.
ROSE: Well, June.
ROSE: I hope this goes without saying, but in case it doesn't, you are still my oldest and dearest friend and I love you.
ROSE: If this is who you are, then I'm happy to know the real you, and I am equally happy to get to know you all over again.
Here come the tears again. You're getting tired of all these tears, but at least now they're happy tears. The two of you reach out to embrace each other, and for a moment, you feel like nothing else could go wrong in your life.
JUNE: thank you, rose.
JUNE: thank you so much.
You break away from the hug, both wiping away tears that may have also stained each others' shoulders. You truly did not expect tonight to go this way, but upon reflection, you realize you haven't really expected anything to go the way it has for the last two weeks. Or, four days by your reckoning. Isn't time wonderful?
JUNE: so, umm.
JUNE: i know i already asked you this, 8ut
JUNE: please don't let anyone know a8out tonight, or that we're 8ack.
JUNE: not yet at least.
ROSE: Don't worry, your secret is safe with us.
JUNE: thanks, we're 8oth really tired and could use some rest 8efore telling everyone.
JUNE: especially after how tonight went.
Rose retreats into her matesprit's arms and grasps her hand yet again.
ROSE: You should probably let them know soon, though.
ROSE: At the very least that you've returned, the other details can wait for when you're ready.
JUNE: yeah, i know.
ROSE: Everyone else has been worried sick for days, especially the Strider-Vantas household.
ROSE: Karkat is already convinced you're most likely gone for good, and Dave has been rather quiet these last few days.
JUNE: oh jeez...
ROSE: Take as long as you need, but try not to stay too quiet for too long.
JUNE: yeah, i'd like to try and say something tomorrow.
JUNE: i don't know how i'm going to tell everyone though, i don't really want to do it all at once 8ut it might 8e 8etter to just
JUNE: rip off the 8and-aid, right?
She nods, and the room falls silent, as the four of you relax on your couch for a moment. You are once again leaning against Terezi, though this time you're not quite as worried as to whether or not it's noticeable. Unfortunately for you, it very likely is.
KANAYA: I Suppose That
KANAYA: Now That The Important Things Have Been Stated
KANAYA: It Would Be A Good Time To Address The Hoofbeast In The Room
Oh no.
JUNE: huh?
ROSE: Dear, are you sure now is the time for this?
You begin to object, but somebody else has a different idea.
TEREZI: N4H, GO ON M4RY4M
TEREZI: WH4T 1S 1T
Dear lord please no.
KANAYA: So
KANAYA: The Two Of You
KANAYA: Is There Something Else You Would Like To Tell Us
Rose's face lands squarely in her hands, though you hear her chuckle under her breath. You're done for now.
TEREZI: YOU M34N HOW 3GB3RT H3R3 H4S FLUSH3D F33L1NGS FOR M3? >:]
JUNE: oh no please don't do th-
ROSE: Actually...
You're done for. This is how you die. Clearly.
ROSE: We were already aware of that.
ROSE: Everyone has been for some time now.
JUNE: what the f8ck wh8t the f8ck
ROSE: June, it's been obvious for years now.
ROSE: Have you genuinely not noticed?
JUNE: NO!!!!!!!!
JUNE: i mean uhhhhhhhh...
JUNE: i really didn't!!
JUNE: not until earli- i mean no i mean i-
Now she's giggling right in front of you. You're going to die of embarrassment. The couch will mark the location of your grave.
ROSE: Though, I suppose there's someone else we ought to ask, isn't there?
Huh?
ROSE: Why don't you tell us about how you yourself are crushing on June then, Terezi?
What?
... She's joking right?
You turn to look at her and you swear for a brief moment you saw shades of teal in her cheeks. Is she blushing? Oh my god does she really have a crush on you?
TEREZI: YOU SUR3 YOUR3 NOT JUST PROJ3CT1NG TH3R3, L4LOND3?
TEREZI: DONT TH1NK 1 H4V3NT SM3LL3D TH3 T3NS1ON B3TW33N YOU TWO
TEREZI: 1T SM3LLS STRONG3R TH4N K4N4Y4S 4WFUL BR4ND OF GRUB S4UC3
KANAYA: Excuse Me I Will Have You Know
KANAYA: Its Far Better Than That Swill You Prefer
KANAYA: Not To Mention Everybody Is Well Aware That Its At Least Far More Real Than The Kraft Grub Sauce You Seem Fascinated With
TEREZI: H4V3 YOU CONS1D3R3D TH4T 1 DONT C4R3?
TEREZI: 1T 1S R3D
TEREZI: 4ND YOURS 1S GR33N
TEREZI: TH3R3FOR3 TH3 SH1T 1 GET 1S B3TT3R
TEREZI: 3ND OF FUCK1NG STORY >:]
Are they really arguing about grub sauce? Or is this some kind of troll romance thing?
JUNE: i uhh...
JUNE: i don't know i thought the stuff terezi had me get was kind of good.
ROSE: Since when do you eat grub sauce, June?
ROSE: I hadn't realized you did.
JUNE: oh i uhhhhhhhh
JUNE: actually just tried it for the first time, earlier.
JUNE: we were 8oth starving so i ordered us a pizza.
JUNE: and she had me try it with gru8 sauce.
TEREZI: S33?
TEREZI: 4T L34ST *SOM3BODY* 4GR33S W1TH M3
TEREZI: SCOR3 FOR PYROP3
You see Kanaya rest her face in her hand, letting out a sigh as she does.
JUNE: hey so, while i'm thinking a8out it.
JUNE: i'm really sorry i dragged you two over here so l8 :/
ROSE: It's alright, June. We would have come over at three in the morning if necessary.
JUNE: ok, thank you.
JUNE: 8ut i was going to offer up my dad's old room, that way you don't have to head 8ack so l8.
JUNE: i even fixed the holes in the floor and the ceiling!
Rose is laughing again. What did you say wrong?
ROSE: June, not only is that the second time you've told me that this month
ROSE: You have told me that every year around your birthday for the last three years.
JUNE: oh...
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 JOK1NG
TEREZI: H4S SH3 R34LLY TOLD YOU TH4T M4NY T1M3S?
You're starting to get the tiniest bit annoyed by all the jokes at your expense. You laugh anyway, though, as you don't want to let it damper your mood too much. You're already having a much better night than you could have expected, and you're glad to finally be around people without it being so loud and anxiety inducing like your party was. For the first time in years, you feel truly happy. At least, happy enough to let the jokes slide, considering what lies ahead for you in the near future. For now, you enjoy yourself.
KANAYA: We Should Probably Prepare For Bed Soon Should We Not
KANAYA: Not To Be The One To Put An End To The Fun
KANAYA: But I Believe We Are All Some Degree Of Exhausted
ROSE: Are you sure it's alright to stay in your Dad's room, June?
JUNE: yeah!
JUNE: i mean i don't go in there much anymore 8ut i try to go in every so often just to make sure it's not in any worse shape than the rest of the place.
TEREZI: Y34H YOU R34LLY H4V3 4 M3SS H3R3, DORK
TEREZI: 1TS COMFY
The two of them get up and start towards the stairs. You intend to follow, until your companion grabs you and speaks quietly, hoping to stay out of earshot of your guests.
TEREZI: L1TTL3 H3LP, 3GB3RT?
TEREZI: 1M 4CTU4LLY K1ND OF NOT SUR3 MY L3GS 4R3 WORK1NG TOO W3LL R1GHT NOW
JUNE: oh shit i'm sorry, i got you.
You help her up off the couch and provide her support on your way up the stairs together. You say goodnight to your friends as they enter the other bedroom, and walk with Terezi to your own room. Once you help her over to the bed, you walk across the room to your desk. You don't intend to use the computer at all, you just wanted a place to sit.
TEREZI: WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG 4LL TH3 W4Y OV3R TH3R3?
TEREZI: B3DS OV3R H3R3, DUMP4SS
JUNE: oh, i uhh.
JUNE: i was going to sleep on the floor and let you have the 8ed actually.
JUNE: i don't mind.
She gets a disgruntled look on her face.
TEREZI: JUST G3T 1N B3D W1TH M3 N3RD
JUNE: are
JUNE: you sure?
JUNE: i mean i don't want to like...
TEREZI: 1TS F1N3, JUN3
JUNE: ok 8ut...
TEREZI: 1 DONT B1T3
You're not sure this is the best idea, and you're a little worried it won't end well, but, you do admit it might be nice. Awkwardly, you get up to head over, until she flashes you a grin.
TEREZI: MUCH >:]
JUNE: oh come on, terezi!
You blush and ease your way into the bed next to her. You don't know why you haven't gotten a bigger bed before now, it's certainly big enough for the two of you, but only barely. You both end up somewhat squished together, which leaves you feeling a deadly mix of awkwardness, anxiety, and just a touch of enjoyment.
The room is silent. If your guests in the other room are talking, you can't seem to hear them. You aren't entirely sure whether you mind this or not, until you realize it means they probably can't hear you either. At least this way, should anything embarrassing happen tonight, it won't make you the subject of ridicule in the morning. Well, unless Terezi brings it up, which she most likely will.
Feeling oddly daring for once, you decide to be the one to break the silence.
JUNE: so...
JUNE: i guess i was too afraid to s8y it in front of them.
JUNE: 8ut...
You thought you were being daring, but it turns out it's harder to admit than you expected.
TEREZI: YOU C4N S4Y 1T
TEREZI: 1LL HOLD MY TONGU3 >:]
JUNE: i uhh...
JUNE: you may have 8een right.
JUNE: i kind of...
JUNE: like you.
TEREZI: Y34H 1 KNOW
TEREZI: D1D YOU TH1NK 1 W4S FUCK1NG W1TH YOU OUT TH3R3?
JUNE: i mean yeah? kind of?
TEREZI: JUN3
She chuckles a bit, then grabs your hand.
TEREZI: 1 W4S FUCK1NG W1TH YOU
JUNE: oh...
TEREZI: BUT
TEREZI: TH4T DO3SNT M34N 1 D1DNT TH1NK YOU 4CTU4LLY D1D
JUNE: so you knew?
TEREZI: Y34H
JUNE: really?
She sighs playfully, and shakes her head.
TEREZI: YOUR FR13ND W4S R1GHT, JUN3
TEREZI: 1TS K1ND OF OBV1OUS
JUNE: what's that supposed to mean?!
TEREZI: 1T M34NS YOU W3R3 L34N1NG 4G41NST M3 FOR H4LF OF TH3 N1GHT
TEREZI: 1N 4 POS1T1ON TH4T 1S V3RY R3M1N1SC3NT OF CUDDL1NG
JUNE: oh...
TEREZI: W3R3 YOU TRY1NG TO CUDDL3 W1TH M3 JUN3?
You stop to think. Were you trying to? You didn't think so at the time, but it seems there's a lot your subconscious mind is aware of that you yourself don't ever really think about or even know. It did manage to hide you being trans for so long.
JUNE: ... may8e?
She moves around, presumably to get more comfortable, while still staying fairly close to you.
TEREZI: PLUS SH3 M4Y H4V3 B33N R1GHT 4BOUT OTH3R TH1NGS, TOO
She looks away from you. She's, she's not saying what you think she's saying, is she?
TEREZI: 1 M1GHT
TEREZI: K1ND4 H4V3 SOM3 F33L1NGS FOR YOU
Oh god. She is.
Wait, what kind of feelings? Does she mean like, she's in love with you? She does tease you a lot, and you do kind of insult each other a lot. She doesn't, have those kinds of feelings for you, does she?
JUNE: i, uhh
JUNE: i'm not sure if i can
JUNE: do the whole
JUNE: "blackrom thing".
JUNE: or at least not yet.
TEREZI: WH4T?
JUNE: i mean i don't really know what it would mean! i don't know what i'm supposed to do!
JUNE: and my feelings are
JUNE: not really the whole "h8 d8" thing.
She puts her hand on your shoulder and faces you. If she could see, she would likely be staring right at you.
TEREZI: JUN3
TEREZI: SORRY BUT
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 K1ND OF B31NG 4 DUMP4SS
Ok what? That is COMPLETELY uncalled for!
JUNE: i-
TEREZI: JUST B3C4US3 1 G1V3 YOU 4 LOT OF SH1T
TEREZI: DO3S NOT M34N 1 H4V3 P1TCH F33L1NGS FOR YOU
JUNE: oh.
TEREZI: Y34H
TEREZI: 1 JUST K1ND OF DO TH4T W1TH 3V3RYON3
TEREZI: TH4TS MY WHOL3 TH1NG
TEREZI: 1 M34N 1 K1ND4 DO 4 L1TTL3 B1T
TEREZI: 1TS COMPL1C4T3D >:|
That's right. She does kind of do that a lot. Although, you wonder if maybe she's not telling the whole truth.
JUNE: so...
JUNE: what kind of feelings *do* you have for me?
Silence.
TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK, N3RD?
JUNE: i don't know!!!!!!!!
JUNE: why can't you just say it!!!!!!!!
TEREZI: B3C4US3 M4YB3 1 4M R34LLY NOT GOOD 4T B31NG VULN3R4BL3, DUMP4SS >:[
JUNE: ugh, ok fine that's understanda8le i guess.
Terezi rolls back over onto her other side, facing your wall. You didn't say anything to upset her, did you? You were only playing around, though you admittedly would like to hear her say it just to make sure you aren't misinterpreting anything.
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS 1F YOUR3 GO1NG TO M4K3 M3 S4Y 1T OUT LOUD
TEREZI: Y3S
TEREZI: 1 T3R3Z1 PYROP3
TEREZI: H4V3 B1G FUCK1NG R3DROM F33L1NGS FOR YOU
TEREZI: 4ND WOULD L1K3 TO P4RT4K3 1N B1G TROLL/HUM4N SLOPPY M4K3OUTS W1TH YOU
TEREZI: TH3R3
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU H4PPY?
You kind of are, at least enough to be stifling a giggle. You're not going to tell her that though.
JUNE: i mean
JUNE: in a way yes.
JUNE: i told a girl i have a crush on her and she said she likes me 8ack that's kind of cool right?
She turns back towards you with a scowl on her face.
TEREZI: JUN3
TEREZI: QU1T B31NG 4 DORK
TEREZI: 4T L34ST FOR YOUR OWN S4K3
TEREZI: 1T 1S 4DOR4BL3
TEREZI: 4ND FUN TO M4K3 FUN OF
TEREZI: BUT YOUR3 K1ND OF JUST G1V1NG M3 4 BUNCH OF 4MMUN1T1ON H3R3 >:]
JUNE: oh fuck you, pyrope, heheh :P
Suddenly she moves in closer. You're not sure how you two could even physically get closer together, but she manages to. You are practically on top of each other with how close you are. Her arm finds its way under yours, wrapping around you and holding you there. Your heart begins pounding.
TEREZI: YOU GOOD?
JUNE: u-uhh, y-yeah, i think s-so.
TEREZI: 1 DONT H4V3 TO DO TH1S 1F YOU DONT L1K3 1T
JUNE: no it, it's fine.
JUNE: it's good.
JUNE: i think i like it.
TEREZI: YOU TH1NK?
JUNE: i-i don't know i'm j-just a li-
TEREZI: S1NC3 WH3N DO YOU TH1NK, DUMP4SS?
JUNE: h-hey!!
Her head rests against your chest and oh god what's going on this is terrifying but it's nice? You think you're enjoying this? But you're afraid of messing something up. Your arm moves its way to her back, and you stay there for a moment, holding each other. You're finally beginning to ease into it aren't y-
TEREZI: OH FOR FUCKS S4K3
She kisses you.
Terezi Pyrope kissed you.
Huh.
So that's what that feels like.
You have finally had your FIRST KISS, and you are struggling to process it internally. You enjoyed it, but your brain appears to be shutting down. You can't say you particularly mind, though, seeing as your thoughts are being replaced by WARM AND FUZZY FEELINGS.
TEREZI: HOW W4S TH4T?
You mumble words, but you aren't sure what words they are, and they probably come out sounding like gibberish. Not that you can tell. Or really care, for that matter.
JUNE: that.
JUNE: huh.
JUNE: wow.
TEREZI: YOU 4LR1GHT?
JUNE: that was.
JUNE: nice.
She looks like she's about to say something else, but before she can, your instincts take over and you kiss her back.
You begin to hope this night will never end.
Chapter 9
Yet again, you wake up in your bed at home. The sun is shining through your window, and its rays bathe you and your companion in sunlight that you both would most certainly find far too bright. She stirs in your arms and-
Wait.
What?
JUNE: w8 holy shit did last night actually happen??
She mutters something you don't quite understand, probably because she's still sleeping. You know her as a fairly hardened creature by this point - how else would she have had the constitution to survive for three years in the Furthest Ring? - but seeing her here, sleeping in your bed, you think she looks kind of adorable.
Still, you struggle to believe this is all actually happening. Terezi Pyrope is asleep in your bed, after the two of you spent all night next to each other, having fallen asleep making out, all after discovering you were a girl and subsequently coming out to Rose and Kanaya.
Shit, they're still here aren't they? You hope they didn't hear anything last night.
You notice her shift around and watch her sit up and stretch. She sniffs the air, before facing you with a big, shit-eating grin.
TEREZI: L1K3 WH4T YOU S33, 3GDORK?
Oh. You were staring, weren't you?
JUNE: i-i uhhhh, m-may8e?
JUNE: i just
JUNE: still can't 8elieve last night happened.
JUNE: or that you're actually here.
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS
TEREZI: 1F TH4TS YOUR 3XCUS3 >:]
JUNE: h-hey!!
She playfully punches your arm a bit, before leaning up against you. You decide to be a little daring and give her head a kiss, before wrapping your arms around her and savoring the moment. You still aren't entirely sure what's going on between you, but whatever it is, it feels nice.
JUNE: so, are we a thing?
She snorts, sitting back up.
TEREZI: DO YOU W4NT TO B3 4 TH1NG?
JUNE: may8e? i think so?
JUNE: i don't really know, this is all kind of
JUNE: new to me.
She sighs and turns to face you.
TEREZI: JUN3
TEREZI: DO YOU R3M3MB3R TH3 STUFF W3 T4LK3D 4BOUT L4ST N1GHT?
JUNE: i, uhhhhhhhh...
TEREZI: DO YOU L1K3 M3?
JUNE: yeah.
JUNE: do you?
She grins and chuckles a little bit.
TEREZI: 1 SL3PT 1N YOUR B3D 4FT3R W3 M4D3 OUT 4LL N1GHT DUMP4SS
TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK?
JUNE: ok fine, point t8ken.
You feel a little bothered by her snarking at you when you asked her a genuine question, but you do have to admit, it is a little obvious. Upon reflecting on your escapades last night, you start to blush and catch a smile forming on your face. All of this is moving fairly quickly for you, but you suppose once you've taken the time to tell all of your friends what's going on, you can finally take a moment to breathe.
JUNE: so...
JUNE: does this mean we're...
JUNE: w8.
JUNE: i'm a girl.
JUNE: holy shit does this mean we're
JUNE: girlfriends?!
TEREZI: 1S TH4T TH3 HUM4N WORD FOR 1T?
JUNE: yeah, it's like when two girls are
JUNE: what's the troll word again?
JUNE: like what rose and kanaya have?
TEREZI: M4T3SPR1T?
JUNE: yeah!
TEREZI: 1T M1GHT B3 4 L1TTL3 TOO SOON TO C4LL 1T TH4T
TEREZI: BUT 1 M34N 1F YOU W4NT TO TH3N 1 4M NOT OPPOS3D
She's not wrong, you literally just confessed your feelings to each other last night. Is there anything truly wrong with that, though? Besides, it feels nice to think about. You have a MATESPRIT. You are somebody's GIRLFRIEND, and that somebody is your own GIRLFRIEND. It seems as if things are finally starting to turn around for you. You just have to make it through telling your friends about your newly discovered identity.
You hope you can make it through telling your friends about your newly discovered identity.
TEREZI: H3Y
TEREZI: DORK
TEREZI: YOU TH3R3?
JUNE: huh?
TEREZI: YOU W3R3 ST4RT1NG TO SP4C3 OUT 4G41N
TEREZI: YOU GOOD?
JUNE: oh, yeah, sorry.
JUNE: i'm just thinking a8out tonight and you and everything and-
TEREZI: R3L4X
JUNE: ok, i'm sorry.
TEREZI: 1TS OK
TEREZI: WHY DONT W3 GO G3T SOM3 FOOD
TEREZI: 1M 4LR34DY HUNGRY 4G41N >:/
JUNE: oh yeah we should
JUNE: pro8a8ly go do that.
The two of you get up, but you stay behind as she starts to head down the stairs. Your clothes are somewhat dirty, but you don't particularly want to wear anything else, especially not around your friends. You're aware that between the outfit and your newly acquired TYPING QUIRK, you probably might come across too much like a SCORPIO, but the outfit's association with your old cerulean flame and one-time mentor by default makes it the most feminine leaning outfit in your entire mental wardrobe. You can't really see yourself wearing anything else right now, not until you manage to find some new, more appropriate clothes, so you simply change out of them and back into them in order to quickly clean them.
What you decide to do to make it more personal, however, is imagine your ASPECT and its symbol in a complimentary shade of green matching that of your jacket appearing on your black t-shirt. It then takes its place in the center of your chest, thanks to the magic of your god tier clothing abilities. You aren't entirely sure this is how it works, but it at least pleases you and makes your getup look more Egbert and less Serket.
Hopefully.
You then decide it to finally be time to descend and enjoy a NUTRITIONAL MORNING MEAL with your matesprit and guests.
---------------------------------------------------------
JUNE: heh, sorry the coffee's not that gr8.
JUNE: i don't usually get the shitty stuff 8ut i haven't 8een drinking as much l8ly and didn't want to spend too much.
ROSE: Oh, this isn't yours.
KANAYA: Rose Got Up Early And Returned To Our Hive So She Could Bring Over The Stuff She Keeps
ROSE: I'm sorry, June, but I've grown dangerously picky about my coffee as of late.
JUNE: oh jegus i'm sorry lol.
JUNE: jesus i mean.
TEREZI: 1 4M PR3TTY SUR3 YOU M34N J3GUS
JUNE: no 8ut you've had me saying jegus a lot l8ly.
ROSE: You two have only been dating for presumably one night and she's already rubbing off on you, is she?
TEREZI: YOU COULD S4Y TH4T >:]
JUNE: TEREZI!!!!!!!!
What in the name of Troll Jegus would possess her to say something like that at breakfast? Breakfast is the most sacred meal of the day! You should know, you and your friends are the gods of this world and decreed it to be so! Not within earshot of anyone who might actually believe you, of course, it was only when a few of you were drunk at one of your previous birthdays. But still!
Rose's face has made contact with your table, and you swear you hear muffled laughter. Kanaya's face meanwhile is contorted in such a way that you believe she may be struggling not to laugh herself. Your own face is now a deep shade of red, which you attempt to hide in your hands.
JUNE: g8d f8cking d8mmit pyrope...
Terezi just continues sitting there, grinning like an asshole.
TEREZI: TH3 BL4M3 FOR TH1S ON3 GO3S SQU4R3LY TO L4LOND3 OV3R TH3R3
TEREZI: SH3 1S TH3 ON3 WHO S3T M3 UP
TEREZI: 1 4M M3R3LY 4 HUMBL3 TROLL C4LL1NG 1T L1K3 1 T4ST3 1T
ROSE: Jokes not withstanding, do you have some sort of plan for how tonight is going to go?
You silently thank Rose for saving you from the mad seer's vicious barbs.
JUNE: y-yeah,
JUNE: i think when everyone gets here, i'll apologize for disappearing, and let them know i accidentally found terezi, and long story short we came home together and i'm also a girl now.
TEREZI: YOU SHOULD T3LL TH3M 1M YOUR M4T3SPR1T NOW
ROSE: Oh?
ROSE: You've made it official now, have you?
TEREZI: K1ND OF
TEREZI: 1 JUST W4NT 4NOTH3R 3XCUS3 TO T34S3 H3R 1N FRONT OF 3V3RYON3 >:]
JUNE: goddammit terezi.
TEREZI: OH COM3 ON DORK
TEREZI: YOU KNOW YOU LOV3 M3 4ND TH1NK 1TS CH4RM1NG
KANAYA: When Were You Planning On Having Everyone Over
KANAYA: Im Not Certain Strider And Vantas Would Be Awake At This Hour
ROSE: That's a good point.
ROSE: It's only just past noon.
JUNE: i suppose i could just message dave first and w8 to message anyone else until after he responds.
TEREZI: 4SSUM1NG H3 DO3SNT M3SS4G3 3V3RYON3 TH3 MOM3NT H3 H34RS FROM YOU
TEREZI: 1SNT H3 1NTO YOU?
JUNE: pfffffffft, dave?
JUNE: no, we're just friends.
You think you catch Rose smirking slightly, but you're not sure why.
JUNE: i think i will go ahead and message him now, just to get it over with.
ROSE: Good luck.
You get up from the table and make your way back upstairs. You were going to message Dave from your MOBILE DEVICE, but as it turns out you somehow managed to forget it. After logging into your favorite INSTANT MESSAGING CLIENT on your computer, you happen to notice you forgot to set your desktop instance to appear offline the way you had with your phone. Hopefully this doesn't result in anything.
You may have spoken too soon.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
TG: oh my god dude
TG: is that you
TG: tell me thats you
TG: john are you fuckin with me or are you actually online
EB: oh, hey dave, i was just a8out to message you actually.
TG: wait what
TG: also what the fuck is up with that 8 why are you doin her thing again
TG: you better not be fuckin with me
TG: wait shit this is actually john right youre not like vriska pretending to be john or something are you
TG: vriska did you like eat john cause if you did im gonna come fuck your shit up
EB: dave!
EB: shut up!
EB: it's me!
EB: it's a long story i'll tell you l8r 8ut yeah it's actually me.
EB: it's not vriska, as far as i know she's still out there somewhere :/
EB: look i'm sorry i disappeared a few weeks ago 8ut i'm 8ack and i have something i need to tell everyone.
EB: hey, you there?
EB: dave?
He's gone silent. Odd. Or at least, it seems odd up front, until you get bombarded by a sea of grey in another chat window.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --
CG: SERKET YOU ASS-SHITTING PILE OF MUSCLEBEAST DUNG WHY THE ABSOLUTE BULGESNIFFING FUCK ARE YOU PRETENDING TO BE EGBERT?
CG: CAN YOU LEAVE MY MATESPRIT THE FUCK ALONE?
CG: ALSO HOW DID YOU EVEN KNOW EGBERT FUCKING DISAPPEARED YOU SHITSPEWING DOUCHEWAGON?
EB: KARKAT I'M N8T VRISKA!!
EB: JEGUS!!
EB: god f8cking dammit why do i keep saying jegus?
CG: YOU CAN'T FOOL ME BITCH, YOU KNOW I CAN FEEL YOU TRYING TO PROBE MY MIND RIGHT?
EB: karkat i can't fucking do that i am literally not vriska.
EB: you gotta 8elieve me!
CG: FAT FUCKING CHANCE, SERKET.
CG: I ALREADY KNOW EGBERT'S FUCKING DEAD.
EB: look can you just come over to my stupid house karkat?
EB: you and dave and everyone else.
EB: i'm not vriska, it's really me, i got stuck out in the furthest ring for like two weeks and only just got 8ack.
EB: please karkat?
EB: i don't know why i'm doing the 8 thing either i didn't even notice it until someone told me!!!!!!!!
EB: karkat?
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --
Well fuck, this isn't going well.
TG: idk dude i kinda wanna believe you but like
TG: how do i know youre not actually vriska trying to start shit
EB: i'm sorry dave, i'll explain everything 8ut i can't do it over text.
TG: i mean im already comin over there anyway
TG: i told everyone to meet me at your place just in case youre fuckin with me
TG: but idk i guess ill give you a chance to explain yourself if its actually you
TG: you better not be lying tho
EB: i'm not!!!!!!!!
EB: dave i promise.
EB: it's just something i have to tell you in person.
TG: yeah yeah sure i just got a question first if you dont mind yknow?
EB: yeah what's up?
TG: any idea why i cant get ahold of rose?
Can't get a, what? What's wrong with Rose?
EB: i don't know 8ut last i saw her she and kanaya were having 8reakfast over here with me and terezi, so unless something happened since then i don't know :/
TG: wait what
TG: excuse me for just one second
TG: youre telling me terezis back
TG: now i know youre fuckin with me
TG: alright whatever your ass is mine fakebert
TG: whoever you are
EB: dave w8!!!!!!!!
-- turntechGodhead [TG] blocked ectoBiologist [EB] --
Oh no. No no no. This won't do at all.
You scramble down the stairs - remembering to grab your phone first this time - and check in the kitchen to find...
The three of them are sitting roughly where they were before, continuing to chat about something that you feel is far less important than the current disaster you have been informed is headed your way. Of all the times for Rose to not be checking her phone.
JUNE: ok so uhh, uhhhhhhhh
TEREZI: WH4TS UP N3RD?
JUNE: everyone's on their w8y over here prep8red to fight me 8ec8use th8y think i'm a f8ke who's pretending to 8e me.
ROSE: What?
KANAYA: Are You Sure Youre Not Overreacting June
JUNE: i d8n't think i 8m!!
JUNE: 8ecause d8ve also thinks i kidn8pped you and rose and thought i w8s lying 8ecause i said terezi was 8ack!!
TEREZI: W41T WHY WOULD H3 TH1NK TH4T
TEREZI: 1S D4V3 R34LLY TH4T-
TEREZI: NO W41T
TEREZI: 1TS D4V3
TEREZI: N3V3R M1ND
JUNE: karkat also mess8ged me 8nd kept s8ying i was vriska too so i don't kn8w wh8t they're expecting is wrong
JUNE: rose c8n you may8e s8y something to d8ve?
JUNE: i'm k8nd 8f fre8king out plus he kind 8f 8locked me.
ROSE: I'll see if I can talk some sense into him.
ROSE: Maybe he'll calm down if I call him instead, pestering him over text might not get through to him.
You then hear a knock on your door. Though it's less of a knock, and more of a pounding.
DAVE: yo egbert
DAVE: come on out
DAVE: just wanna talk to you dude
DAVE: yknow assuming it is you in there
They are already here.
The four of you get up and prepare to defend yourselves should the situation go south, while you lead everyone into the living room.
DAVE: cmon egbert
DAVE: whoever you are
DAVE: dirks kinda itchin to bust down your door so you might wanna answer it if you wanna like keep the door or whatever
JUNE: ok jeez i'm on my w8y!!!!!!!!
You get to your front door and swing it open, glaring at your unexpected guests. You hope it hides the sheer amount of fear and adrenaline coursing through your body, because you don't know how long you can keep up appearances. Thankfully it seems to be working, as their collective display of determination fades into various shades of relief, awe, dumbfoundedness, and even glares of annoyance similar to your own aimed at one member of the mob in particular.
JUNE: hi guys.
JUNE: i'm 8ack.
JUNE: can we all just
JUNE: calm down?
JUNE: please?
DAVE: i uhhh
The various weapons you see in the group begin to disappear, and you welcome your guests into the house with a frown. You see Dave's eyes meet Rose's, and a wave of shame washes over his face. She in turn responds with a chuckle and a smirk. Kanaya's face greets her palm warmly as she shakes her head, and Terezi takes the opportunity to welcome the group herself.
TEREZI: SUP COOLK1D >:]
DAVE: oh
DAVE: hey
DAVE: sup
KARKAT: PYROPE YOU FUCKING SEEDFLAPHUMPING PAIN IN MY FUCKING NOOK.
KARKAT: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE BACK?
TEREZI: 1 W4S 4 L1TTL3 BUSY DUMP4SS
KARKAT: OH YEAH? BUSY DOING WHAT?
KARKAT: SHOVING EGBERT'S BULGE DOWN YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE?
TEREZI: 1T WOULD B3 TH3 OTH3R W4Y 4ROUND, PROB4BLY, BUT NO, NOT Y3T >:P
JUNE: G8D F8CKING
JUNE: TEREZI!!!!!!!!
ROXY: wait holy shit terezis back?!?
ROXY: dude wtf?!
JUNE: guys ok can we all please just shut the a8solute ever loving F8CK UP for
JUNE: literally just two seconds?
JUNE: so i can explain what's going on?
DIRK: That does seem more pressing than worrying about who's shoving what where.
JANE: Oh heavens, who is doing what now?!
JAKE: Well i think miss pyrope over there is implying our boy john is-
JUNE: CAN IT J8KE!!!!!!!!
You thought the worst was behind you. You thought wrong. You think you could have handled your friends in a fight, and worst case scenario you could simply zap to before the fight started and fix everything. But this? This is just mortifying. You're not sure you can find a way back from this. You almost wish you had let Dave and the others believe you were a fake so they could have saved you from this.
JAKE: S-sorry john you have my deepest apologies.
JUNE: look it's fine.
JUNE: i'm sorry i 8lew up.
JUNE: which
JUNE: i don't just mean today, i mean i'm also sorry i 8lew up two weeks ago or whenever it was.
JUNE: i'm sorry i got angry and disappeared and stuff.
JUNE: i had a really 8ad freakout and accidentally zapped away and time got really fucky and-
DAVE: ok thats great and all but like
DAVE: what are rose and kanaya doing over here
DAVE: and when the fuck did terezi get back
DAVE: like how long have yall been fuckin over here cause now things are just kinda weird
DAVE: are all four of yall havin a thing or is i-hrphmprmhpmh!!!
Karkat's hand has moved to cover his matesprit's mouth. You should remember to thank him later.
KARKAT: IGNORE THIS ASSHAT EGBERT.
KARKAT: I'M SORRY I YELLED AT YOU BY THE WAY.
KARKAT: HE TOLD ME SOMEONE WAS PRETENDING TO BE YOU ON YOUR ACCOUNT, AND WHEN I SAW THE EIGHTS I THOUGHT SOMETHING WAS UP.
KARKAT: ALSO TEREZI FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH I'M SORRY I YELLED AT YOU.
KARKAT: EVEN IF I'M FUCKING PISSED YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE BACK.
TEREZI: NOT MY DO1NG, DUMP4SS
TEREZI: 4SK TH3 B1G DORK OV3R H3R3 4BOUT TH4T >:/
JUNE: yeah.
JUNE: that was me.
KARKAT: WAIT WHAT?
ROSE: Also, for the record, we only got here last night, due to similar worries as the rest of you.
ROSE: And no, Dave, we're not all "having a thing".
JADE: guys can we please shut the fuck up?!?
JADE: i just wanna hear what happened to john
Her voice catches you by surprise.
JUNE: s-sorry.
JUNE: thanks jade.
JUNE: so ummmmmmmm...
JUNE: when i freaked out i kind of
JUNE: accidentally zapped out to the furthest ring, where i ran into terezi.
JUNE: and we kind of talked a8out a 8unch of stuff and i found out something a8out myself and
JUNE: we came home together and long story short i'm a girl now.
JUNE: my name is june. june eg8ert.
Silence. Deafening silence. Maddening silence. You see Jake and Dave start to shuffle where they stand, but thankfully Karkat helps to break the awkwardness even further.
KARKAT: OK, AND?
KARKAT: IS THIS NOT A NORMAL OCCURRENCE FOR HUMANS?
KARKAT: SERIOUSLY AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO DOESN'T CARE?
TEREZI: S33 TH4TS WH4T 1 TOLD H3R!!
KARKAT: LIKE HALF OUR SESSION OF SGRUB WAS TRANS WHO GIVES A FUCK?
TEREZI: F1N4LLY V4NT4S S4YS SOM3TH1NG SM4RT >:]
KARKAT: OK HOLD ON FUCK YOU PYROPE I'LL HRMPHMRPHMRPHMR
And now it is Dave's turn again to shooshpap Karkat. Lucklily the ensuing continued awkwardness is interrupted by Roxy hugging you out of nowhere.
ROXY: holy shit june im so happy for you!!
ROXY: i kinda figured u were but like i didnt wanna just guess and be wrong lmao
ROXY: dude thats so cool!!!!
JUNE: heh, thank you roxy.
DAVE: yeah i like kinda dont entirely get it egbert but thats cool im glad you figured that out about yourself
ROXY: wait didnt u get it when i came out?
ROXY: what do u mean u dont entirely get it?
DAVE: honestly idk im just still a lil confused about the whole vriska thing i guess
DAVE: its less the gender thing and more the whole hey look at me i look and sound like vriska serket
DAVE: yknow that whole thing
JUNE: yeah i uhhhhhhhh
JUNE: i don't actually know how to explain it to 8e completely honest.
JUNE: all i know is it's apparently 8een going on for a while?
JUNE: 8ut i didn't notice it until terezi pointed it out.
KARKAT: WOW, JUNE, HERE'S A BRIGHT IDEA.
KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP DOING IT THEN?
TEREZI: WHY DONT *YOU* STOP US1NG *YOUR* QU1RK?
Karkat stands aghast at what he is hearing.
KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY DON'T I STOP?
KARKAT: THIS IS HOW I TALK YOU ASSMAGGOT!
TEREZI: 3X4CTLY DUMP4SS
TEREZI: TH4TS HOW JUN3 T4LKS NOW
KARKAT: BUT IT'S SO FUCKING WEIRD!
KARKAT: WHY DOES SHE SOUND LIKE VRISKA OF ALL PEOPLE?
TEREZI: Y34H 1T 1S K1ND OF W31RD BUT SO WH4T?
DAVE: man idk it feels really weird
JANE: It is perhaps a little bit strange.
JANE: Not that I really have any idea who you're talking about, anyway.
DAVE: she was this huge bitch who was into like spiders and shit
DAVE: idk all the details but her and terezi killed a bunch of people or smth but then terezi stopped cause shes actually kinda cool
JANE: Oh my.
JANE: That really doesn't sound like a good person for Jo- I mean, June, to be emulating.
TEREZI: C4N YOU M4YB3 NOT T4LK 4BOUT H3R TH4T W4Y
JAKE: I really dont think this is an issue we can ignore though!
KANAYA: I Really Dont Think Any Of You Are In Any Position To Judge Her
KANAYA: If I May Interrupt
You admit to yourself it feels deeply uncomfortable having multiple people discuss the way you speak as if you weren't around. You're right there, you know. Well, of course *you* know. You know what I mean. Where were we?
JUNE: you guys know i'm right here, right?
JUNE: you don't have to talk a8out me as if i'm not here.
JUNE: or i guess keep doing it, whatever, i don't c8re!
JUNE: i thought you g8ys would 8e happy i was 8ack 8ut i guess we're arguing a8out how i t8lk so that's cool.
Good, now they all look upset.
TEREZI: SORRY JUN3
JUNE: not you, you're f8ne.
KARKAT: OK JEGUS I'M SORRY.
KARKAT: FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH JUNE, I LITERALLY COULDN'T CARE ANY LESS ABOUT THE OTHER THING.
KARKAT: I MEAN I'M GLAD YOU FIGURED THIS OUT AND ACCEPTED IT.
KARKAT: I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY OTHER THAN I'M HAPPY FOR YOU AND WEIRDED OUT BY THE VRISKA THING IS ALL.
KARKAT: AND I'M GLAD YOU'RE SAFE I GUESS.
JUNE: it's ok karkat, i forgive you.
The room falls to silence once again. You begin to hope desperately that somebody will save you from this awkwardness.
DIRK: I guess if no one else is interested in talking,
Oh no never mind anybody else please. Except Jake. Anybody but Dirk or Jake.
DIRK: I'm happy for you, June.
DIRK: That's pretty cool. Good for you.
Oh. Well then. Never mind.
JUNE: thanks dirk.
JUNE: you know we don't really ever talk a whole lot, and i don't know why.
JUNE: i kind of thought you h8ed me to 8e entirely honest.
ROXY: nah hes just kinda like that he doesnt talk a whole lot
DIRK: Yeah.
DIRK: I've also been somewhat occupied as of late, but we should catch up some time when I'm not busy.
... He's not hitting on you, is he? Isn't he gay?
DAVE: ok so i have a question though
DAVE: whats up with you and terezi
DAVE: like for real
DAVE: also pyrope whats the deal with vriska anyway i thought you were out lookin for her is that just not really a thing anymore
She looks solemn for a moment, before bursting out her trademark grin.
TEREZI: 1 R3FUS3 TO 4NSW3R 4NY QU3ST1ONS OF 4 S3RK3T N4TUR3
TEREZI: UNL3SS TH3Y 4R3 R3F3RR1NG TO M1SS S3RK3T 2 OV3R H3R3
TEREZI: BUT 4NYTH1NG 3LS3 1 4M W1LL1NG TO T4LK 4BOUT
TEREZI: 3SP3C14LLY 1F 1T 1NVOLV3S M4K1NG FUN OF MY N3W G1RLFR13ND
TEREZI: OR WH4T3V3R 1T 1S YOU HUM4NS C4LL YOUR M4T3SPR1TS >:]
TEREZI: W4S TH4T TH3 TH1NG YOU C4LL3D 1T TH1S MORN1NG JUN3?
Oh my god Terezi please just shut the fuck up. Your face turns beet red and you mutter something under your breath, but you also can't help but smile in your typical goofy fashion. She called you her matesprit in front of everyone, and she called you her girlfriend. You drape your arm around her, and she responds by wrapping hers around your waist.
DAVE: wait wait wait a minute
DAVE: so youre telling me the two of you are together?
DAVE: damn june i thought now that youre a girl you were gonna be into dudes or smth my bad
Oh no. Dave please don't do this.
JUNE: no, sorry dave.
JUNE: i'm still into girls.
JUNE: i think-
JUNE: w8 holy shit i think i'm gay.
JUNE: huh.
You see the wheels start turning in his head. He's standing there thinking. You're worried what his reaction is going to be, and your worries grow even worse when you see something click in his expression.
DAVE: hold on HOLD ON
DAVE: youre tellin me
DAVE: that YOU
DAVE: JUNE EGBERT
DAVE: are a HOMOSEXUAL?!
... Ok, fine, you had this one coming.
JUNE: yeah dave, i guess i am :P
JUNE: i finally am a homosexual.
JUNE: you totally got me.
After five years of grilling you for a casual remark you made as a teenager, it seems Dave has finally gotten his comeuppance. He at least looks very pleased with himself either way.
JAKE: Well if this aint just one swell little reunion weve got going on here!
JANE: It certainly is, and the spirits seem much higher this time around than our previous attempt at a group gathering.
JANE: We ought to maybe hold another little party since the last one went so poorly.
TEREZI: P4RTY SOUNDS GOOD TO M3
TEREZI: WH3R3 4R3 TH3 HUM4N SOPOR1F1CS 4T?
JUNE: i kind of think we drank all of them at the last party :/
DAVE: nah i think i took a few home or something
DAVE: ill tell you what tho dude
DAVE: shit i mean june
DAVE: is it cool if i call you dude still i know im gonna fuck it up all kinds of fucked up until i get used to it
JUNE: i mean, may8e, 8ut prefera8ly not too much dave, sorry.
DAVE: hey no worries its all cool dude
DAVE: fuck i mean
DAVE: hold up lemme go back a sec hey june wouldnt it be dope if karkat and me here went out and got snacks and booze and shit to make up for your last birthday and also for being a big asshole and like
DAVE: bringing everyone over here thinkin you were a fake
DAVE: actually yknow what maybe not that part at least it got us all in the same room again thats cool
Oh god he still won't shut up. Same old Dave. At least he's a good friend. When he's not summoning all your friends to kill you that is.
JUNE: that's not a 8ad idea actually.
JUNE: that would 8e really cool.
DAVE: oh hell yeah cmon babe lets get goin
KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK AM I COMING WITH YOU?
DAVE: cause i love you dumbass
KARKAT: OH OK I GUESS THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING. SURE I'M SUDDENLY SO VERY EXCITED TO FUCKING GO WITH YOU TO GET SNACKS.
KARKAT: (I LOVE YOU TOO.)
DAVE: (i know babe its cool)
As they make their way back out the door, Jane follows after them for some reason.
JANE: Actually, would it be alright if I came along with you two?
JANE: I'd like to pick up some things as well.
DAVE: alright yeah thats cool sure
DAVE: anyone else wanna ditch egbert on her birthday
DAVE: nah im fuckin with you lets go
DAVE: well be right back june
The remaining guests begin to mingle. Tonight feels like it's going to go much better than your actual birthday. Everyone's much happier, even yourself. Hell, for once, you feel happy being surrounded by guests. Not guests, friends. They're your friends. Maybe now you'll be able to treat them like your friends instead of viewing all of them with fear and suspicion. Maybe now you'll be able to actually come out of the house again.
JADE: hey june
Oh no. You nearly forgot Jade was even there. After her outburst earlier, she got so quiet. She didn't even say a word when you told everyone you were a girl. Your happiness begins to fade.
JUNE: h-hey, jade.
JADE: im sorry about your birthday ;-;
JADE: but also
JADE: if its alright
JADE: theres a few things i didnt get to say
JADE: i dont wanna drag you away from your party
JADE: but i wanna talk about this before it gets any worse and we end up never talking again ;-;
JADE: can we go somewhere private?
This has bad idea written all over it, but she has a point. If you don't talk this out now, you might not ever get around to it, and if you never talk about it, you might end up resenting each other. And no matter how upset you've gotten, you really don't want that to happen.
JUNE: yeah. let's go upstairs.
JADE: thank you june
Before heading upstairs to a more private location, you decide to go to Terezi for some support.
JUNE: hey, i'm gonna go upstairs and talk to jade a8out something, i'll 8e 8ack in a little 8it.
TEREZI: OK
TEREZI: YOU GOT TH1S, JUN3
JUNE: thanks.
She gives you a hug before you go, then turns back to the conversation she was involved in. You walk back over to the stairs and follow your sister into your bedroom.
Chapter 10
She is sitting on your bed, and you at your desk. This feels familiar to you, though you expect the night to go far differently than the last time you were in this position with someone. She brought you here to talk, but she hasn't said a word yet. In all fairness, neither have you, but you were planning to let her go first, since she's the one who wanted to speak. You feel anxious, and you're worried another fight is going to erupt. You wish your matesprit were here, but you don't feel it'd be fair to gang up on your sister like that. Nor do you really feel it would be fair to Terezi; you don't want to tear her away from all of her friends after having disappeared for years, only ever really talking to you.
Her ears droop somewhat low, almost flattened against her head. Her canid ears, not her human ears. Those are sitting right where they usually would. Her expression is one of sadness, or is it anger? You've never been particularly great at judging others emotions from their facial expressions, only being able to spot certain features that, to you, typically signal "I'm upset" without any further indication. That, at least, is the one thing you can spot about her current expression.
JUNE: if you don't want to talk a8out it now, we don't have to.
JUNE: i promise we can talk a8out it tomorrow if you want.
JUNE: or l8r if you don't want to tomorrow.
JUNE: not that i'm trying to get out of it, i just want to give you however long you need to 8e a8le to talk a8out it.
She nods carefully.
JADE: idk, i really dont right now but
JADE: if i dont now im afraid i wont ever
JADE: and im afraid youll...
She starts to cry.
JUNE: disappear again?
JADE: mmhmm ;-;
JADE: woof
You don't want to disappear. You didn't want to disappear the first time. Doesn't she realize that? It's not your fault, right?
JADE: i just
JADE: im happy for you
JADE: i mean it
JADE: i know things have been hard for you and
JADE: im happy you finally know who you are and i dont wanna take that away from you
JUNE: thank you, jade.
JADE: please dont think thats what im upset about
JUNE: i don't, i promise.
You start to feel old feelings swelling back up, things you hadn't felt since the last time you two had a conversation about things. That uncontrollable anger, that need to lash out. You have a feeling you know what she's going to say next, so you brace yourself for the impact.
JADE: i just
JADE: i dont know what it is but i feel ignored
JADE: i feel uncared for
JADE: unloved
Just because you brace yourself, doesn't mean the impact doesn't still hurt.
JUNE: god, it's always a8out how *you* feel ignored...
No, you shouldn't say it. Please don't make this about yourself June. Just listen to her. Please?
JUNE: and yet *you're* the one who's hardly spoken to me.
JUNE: ever since our 8ig argument.
JADE: june please dont
JUNE: the whole time i was gone, you didn't seem to care where i was.
JUNE: when i disappeared the first time you didn't say a word.
JADE: i did!!!!!
JADE: just
JADE: not to you
JUNE: yeah, exactly. you let me just disappear and didn't 8other to say anything to me.
Are you really doing this again? Don't you remember what happened the last time you got upset like this?
JUNE: so yeah, you feel ignored, sure. sure!!!!!!!!
JUNE: f8cking fant8stic!!!!!!!!
I guess you're just not even listening to me now. Great. Fine. Fuck up your relationship, see what I care.
JADE: june i didnt say anything because i thought you hated me!!!
JADE: you asshole!!!
JADE: ive been afraid of you for weeks now june!!
JUNE: w8, what?
JUNE: jade why the fuck would i h8 you?
JADE: because youve been making me feel like an awful fucking sister to you!!
JADE: woof woof!!! ;-;
Now do you see what I'm trying to say, June? Maybe it's a good idea to listen to the narrator once in a while. Anyways, you feel like absolute shit upon hearing that. That's not even remotely what you wanted her to feel.
Is it?
You can't tell. Part of you wants to make her hurt, but more of you feels like a complete asshole for not only making her hurt, but for wanting to. Why do you want her to hurt? Hasn't she suffered enough?
JUNE: jade i
JUNE: i didn't mean to.
JADE: you might not have meant to but you still did anyway
JADE: because yeah i might not have been talking to you much lately
JADE: but i WAS talking to you like a bunch
JADE: ive been trying to talk to you for YEARS now
JADE: but youve been ignoring me the whole fucking time
JADE: and i dont even know what i did wrong because YOU wont fucking TALK to ME
JADE: i feel like ive been a terrible fucking sister to you june and it makes me sad and angry and hurt and all kinds of upset because i just
JADE: i dont know whats wrong!!!!!!!
JADE: i dont know what i did wrong june!!!!
JADE: and i havent even been able to figure it out because every time i try to fucking TALK to you you just
JADE: DISAPPEAR!!!!!!
She stops, exasperated, to catch her breath. Wow do you feel like a fucking asshole. Seriously, I can't even begin to describe how shitty you feel. You had no idea you were doing that to her, you were just...
JUNE: i told you last time, j8de.
JUNE: the reason i haven't 8een talking to you is 8ecause
JUNE: i'm afr8id.
JUNE: i thought *you* h8ed *me*.
JUNE: every time we would talk, every time *anyone* would talk to me, it just made me feel wrong.
JUNE: 8ecause it didn't feel like anyone was talking to *me*.
JUNE: they were talking to some8ody else, who they thought i was.
JUNE: they just saw who i used to 8e, and they didn't know any 8etter that 8eing that person was wrong.
JUNE: that it felt wrong on so many fucking levels.
JUNE: hell *i* didn't even know, jade.
You start to calm down. Tears begin flowing down your face. You don't want to yell at her anymore. You don't want to keep fighting. You're done fighting with her, you just want to be friends again. You want to be sisters again.
JUNE: i don't want to keep fighting.
JUNE: i don't h8 you jade.
JUNE: i promise.
JUNE: i just, i couldn't handle it anymore.
JUNE: i started withdrawing 8ecause every8ody kept calling me "dude", or "bro", or "brother", or fucking
JUNE: every time jake said literally anything to me or referred to me.
JUNE: all those dum8 things he says all the time?
JUNE: like "old 8oy"?
JUNE: who even says that anymore?!
You're not sure if it's your imagination, but you think you notice her chuckle ever so slightly at hearing that. It almost looked as if a smile flashed on her face for a moment as well. If it had, though, it's gone now.
JUNE: or all the times people kept calling me 8y my old name.
JUNE: it hurt, jade.
JUNE: even when you did it.
JUNE: and i don't want to make you feel 8ad 8y saying that, i just
JUNE: every8ody kept saying it and over the years it got to 8e too much, so i just stopped talking.
JUNE: it wasn't just you i stopped talking to, jade.
JUNE: aside from 8irthdays i haven't really spoken to jane, or jake, or half of our friends in years.
JUNE: i kind of kept up with rose and terezi 8ut otherwise, i haven't really talked to *anyone* in years, not just you.
She wipes the tears from her eyes, and you decide maybe you shouldn't be so far apart from each other. You walk towards the bed, but stop when Jade looks up at you, a sense of fear in her eyes.
JUNE: is it ok if i sit next to you, sis?
The tears she wiped away return, much to her chagrin, and she slides over to give you room.
JADE: june im so sorry
JADE: i didnt mean to make you feel like that, i didnt know
JUNE: it's ok, jade. i didn't know either.
JUNE: and i'm sorry too.
JUNE: i should have talked to you sooner, i'm sorry i made you think i h8ed you all this time.
JUNE: i don't h8 you jade, i promise.
JUNE: and i'm sorry for everything else, i'm sorry a8out the last few weeks, i'm sorry i yelled at you and lashed out at you and disappeared.
JUNE: *twice*
JUNE: i never meant to do any of that, i never meant to hurt you.
JUNE: but i did.
JUNE: i know that now.
JADE: im sorry i yelled at you too
JADE: im sorry i called you an asshole ;-;
JADE: woof :'(
The tears are flowing between the two of you. You both try to keep your composure long enough to finish saying what you needed to say.
JUNE: 8ut hey, now that i'm figuring all of this stuff out
JUNE: now that i'm trying to talk to everyone again
JUNE: may8e we can fix things.
JUNE: may8e we can start 8eing friends again.
JUNE: may8e we can 8e sisters, jade.
JADE: id really like that
JADE: im happy i have a sister, and im happy to get to know you again <3
JUNE: i don't h8 you jade.
JUNE: i mean it, i never did.
JUNE: i always thought you were the one who h8ed me, and i'm sorry i made you feel like i did.
JADE: im sorry too june ;-;
You embrace, finally, for the first time in what feels like years. You have reacquired a SISTER, and established your own place as somebody else's SISTER. The two of you are SISTERS now, a fact which makes you both sob and hold each other tight.
JUNE: i love you, sis.
JADE: i love you too, sis
Your reunion gives you all sorts of WARM and FUZZY FEELINGS, which you would captchalogue if they were physically present in the room. The moment you two are having is beautiful, and could not be ruined by anything.
Except for that knocking at your door.
DAVE: yo ladies
DAVE: if you two nerds arent too busy being weird and gay and shit we got snacks and drinks and shit, janes makin another cake, we got shit to actually have a real party for you and jane this time
Goddammit, Strider.
JUNE: dave she's my SISTER why the fuck would i 8e weird and gay with her?
DAVE: dude idfk youre already weird and gay with a troll whos to say youre not gonna get weird and gay with your dog sister
JADE: omg dave shut the fuck up!!!
DAVE: what
DAVE: what did i say
JUNE: dave aren't *you* gay for a troll?!
DAVE: yeah dude *and* your dog sister
DAVE: sometimes
DAVE: hey yknow what lets just back up rewind this whole conversation we dont need to talk about that stuff hey june you want a drink or no
You give Jade one last hug, and the two of you head back downstairs to rejoin the party.
TEREZI: F1N4LLY 3GB3RGT
TEREZI: YOOOUU SHOULD TRY TH3S3
TEREZI: HUM4N DR1NKGSKG
TEREZI: DR1NKS
JUNE: terezi are you drunk already?
DAVE: yeah she mightve had a couple drinks already
KANAYA: I Tried To Stop Her But She Was Insistent On Getting
KANAYA: Fucked Up
KANAYA: I Think Is How Strider Put It
ROXY: hell yea this bitch knows how 2 party!!
What in the world did you stumble into?
DAVE: so june
DAVE: let me reiterate on a little thing i asked you two weeks ago
DAVE: that you never gave me an actual answer on cause of being mopey and gay and shit
He pulls out a bottle that unsettles you to your core.
DAVE: wanna get fucked up?
JUNE: i uhhhhhhhh
ROXY: cmon june i gotta live vicarisosly thru u or smth
ROXY: *vicarserly
ROXY: *vicariously omg i got it
ROXY: i cant get 2 drunk but i wanna see u get like wasted n shit
You're not too sure you can handle it, but you figure you may as well indulge them a little bit. It is your birthday after all. Sort of. Almost.
JUNE: ok fine!!!!!!!!
JUNE: 8ut not too fucked up i'm still kind of anxious a8out it.
DAVE: hey yeah thats cool im not tryin to fuck with you or anything
DAVE: i just figure yknow rite of passage and all
TEREZI: COM3 ON DOOOORK
TEREZI: OR W41T
TEREZI: D4V3 W1LL SH3 B3 H4RD3R TO T34S3
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW HOW THS33 HUM4N SOPORF1F1CS WORK
DAVE: uhhhhhhh idk cause idk what shes like when she drinks but i mean only one way to find out
TEREZI: COM3 ON JUUUUUUUUUUUUUN3 >:]
JUNE: i think i'm just going to have a few drinks.
JUNE: 8ut we'll see, heh.
---------------------------------------------------------
Your head is splitting. Sunlight streams in through your windows. There is a half naked troll lying next to you on your floor. A few remaining friends are passed out on the couch, presumably those who hadn't left when the night started to turn. You don't think you want to find out what happened last night, in fact you're not even sure you want to think at all, considering how painful thinking appears to be right now.
You would still like to know what happened to Terezi's pants. At least she's still wearing underwear. If you weren't in pain you'd probably remark on how cute she looks in them, with all of the colorful dragons on them.
TEREZI: UUUUGHHH
TEREZI: JUN3 WHY D1D YOU L3T M3 DR1NK 4LL OF THOS3 D1SGUST1NG HUM4N DR1NKS
JUNE: can it, pyrope, my fucking head is killing me.
TEREZI: OK, S3RK3T
JUNE: ughhhhhhhh
DAVE: can yall like maybe shut the fuck up
DAVE: hey whered everyone go
ROSE: Good morning, dorks and morons.
Oh, good, Rose is still here to snark at you. She must not have had near as much t- oh that's right, she's been sober for years.
As your vision starts to hurt less and less, you scan the room to take stock of who's actually still present after last night. You see Jade strewn along your stairs, still asleep. Dave is on your couch, his boyfriend appears to still be passed out next to him. You didn't take Karkat as much of a drinker, maybe he's just here because Dave stayed the night as well. Rose and Kanaya both appear to have stayed so- oh, wait, where is Kanaya?
KANAYA: Rose My Dear I Believe I Understand Why You Used To Drink These Human Drinks
KANAYA: And Im More Convinced Than Ever That Serket Keeping You Away From Them Was A Good Thing
KANAYA: If This Is How It Feels After Drinking Them
No fucking way. You'd laugh if it didn't hurt to exist in your current state. You think you vaguely remember Roxy saying they had to leave a little early, something to do with Callie? You don't recall Dirk or Jake leaving, but you don't see them anywhere, nor do you see Jane.
JUNE: god my house is a mess now.
ROSE: Yes, well, you *were* the one who decided to show off your "windy thing" in front of everybody.
JUNE: please tell me that's just a euphemism, rose.
ROSE: I'm afraid not, June.
ROSE: You genuinely thought it was a good idea to summon some kind of wind storm in your living room.
JUNE: ughhhhhhhh
DAVE: i mean it looked kinda dope ngl but also can we like shut the fuck up
DAVE: please
TEREZI: JUN3 WH3R3 TH3 FUCK D1D YOU PUT MY P4NTS
Oh, yeah, she's still missing her pants. That didn't stop being a thing that happened or anything.
KANAYA: Pyrope I Swear To Jegus If You Dont Keep It Down I Will Finally Discover What Teal Tastes Like
KARKAT: GOD CAN YOU ASSHOLES KEEP IT DOWN?
KARKAT: SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP STILL.
DAVE: yeah babe me too thats what i keep sayin you really dont need to yell it tho
This is turning into quite the mess, isn't it? You almost wish you could use your retcon powers to go back and fix all of this. You can't seem to concentrate hard enough to do so, however, and you'd rather not accidentally zap out to the Furthest Ring again.
JUNE: can someone help me find terezi's pants at least?
ROSE: I believe you are currently wearing them, actually.
JUNE: wh-what?!
Son of a bitch, those are indeed not your pants. If you're wearing hers, though, then where did yours go?
JADE: whose fucking jeans are these on my head
No. Nope. Those can't be yours, how did they get all the way over there? She's literally at the other end of the room from you! What happened last night?!
JUNE: i don't know 8ut can i get them 8ack so i can give terezi 8ack hers?
DAVE: wait you dont even know theyre yours but you want em back?
JUNE: just shut up, dave.
JADE: i dont even fucking care honestly
JADE: im never doing that again im sorry june
JUNE: it's ok i don't think i am either.
DAVE: man yall are lightweights
JUNE: "lightw8s", says the dumpass who got us all in this mess in the first place.
TEREZI: C4N 1 G3T MY FUCK1NG P4NTS B4CK 4LR34DY
JUNE: ughhhhhhhh yeah hold on.
You manage to force your way up off the floor somehow, and shamble towards your dad's old study. Suddenly your vision goes dark; all of your sight is replaced with denim.
JUNE: did you really have to do that?
JUNE: couldn't you just toss them?
JUNE: or at least warn me they were going to appear on my face?
JADE: sorry
JADE: i thought i said somethin but i guess i didnt actually say it out loud :|
JUNE: it's ok.
You remove them from your face and continue into your father's study, changing out of your matesprit's pants and into your own. It doesn't occur to you until later that you could have simply changed them with your god tier powers, but you're not sure you would have gotten Terezi's pants back had you done so. Still, having worn them, you now have your own pair of pants just like hers locked away in your mental wardrobe. It sure is convenient being a god.
DAVE: so like
DAVE: what now
JUNE: what do you mean what now?
DAVE: i mean do you want us all to go home or like
DAVE: can we hang out and get a pizza or something
ROSE: I'd say that's up to June, but I'd be happy to stick around.
ROSE: While it's fun having everyone in a room together, it has been quite a while since just the four of us and our respective partners had a chance to spend time together.
JADE: yeah idk about you guys but i feel like i just dont know the others as well
JADE: theyre all nice but
JADE: i dont feel as close to them
JUNE: i think i get what you mean.
JUNE: roxy's cool, though.
TEREZI: 3GDORK
TEREZI: P4NTS?
JUNE: oh shit, i'm sorry, heh.
You toss the pants over to her, and she manages to wrestle them on to herself with far more grace than you would expect a hungover troll to have.
KANAYA: Rose If You Dont Mind I Will Probably Make My Way Back To The Hive
KANAYA: I Should Really Lie Down In My Recuperacoon Instead Of Whatever It Was I Slept On Last Night
KANAYA: But You Should Stay And Have Fun
ROSE: I should perhaps at least take you back home first.
ROSE: June, let me know what you all decide and I'll make my way back here.
JUNE: yeah, sure thing.
JUNE: anyone else need to leave?
DAVE: nah im good im down to hang i just need somethin to eat first
JADE: yeah me too
KARKAT: IF YOU ALL AREN'T GOING TO SHUT THE EVER LOVING FUCK UP THEN I GUESS IT MIGHT BE FUN.
JUNE: karkat did you even drink last night?
KARKAT: NO, BUT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SLEEP FOR HOURS NOW AND PYROPE'S FOOT KEPT FUCKING JABBING MY THINK PAN.
TEREZI: H3H3H3H3H3 >:]
KARKAT: OH DON'T EVEN START WITH ME.
JADE: karkat can you please not keep shouting??
KARKAT: ME?!
KARKAT: OK, SO WHEN I ASK YOU ALL TO SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU KEEP ME UP ALL NIGHT, BUT WHEN I START SHOUTING YOU ALL TELL ME TO FUCK OFF?
KARKAT: I GET IT NOW, FUCK ME I GUESS.
DAVE: babe its cool its just kinda loud is all
KARKAT: YEAH BUT
KARKAT: FINE.
KARKAT: WHATEVER.
JUNE: i'll go ahead and order then, since you guys 8ought the snacks and everything last night.
DAVE: dude do-
DAVE: i mean june dont even worry about it dude
DAVE: girl
DAVE: female
DAVE: you
DAVE: homosexual
DAVE: there we go nailed it again dave
DAVE: dont even worry about it my homosexual
DAVE: currency isnt even real anyway its all fake like an abstraction meant to placate the masses and make em think they have more power than they actually do when really its like-
JUNE: dave.
JUNE: not now.
JUNE: please?
JUNE: my head is still killing me.
DAVE: yeah alright cool my bad sorry
DAVE: you just know how i get with the economy and all yknow
JADE: yeah we do but youre still not shutting up!!!
JADE: dummy!!! :P
You power through the pain and start to laugh. You forgot just how much you missed having your friends around. Honestly, are they even your friends? With how many things you all have been through, and especially considering Jade is already your sister, they may as well be your FAMILY. You've really missed your FAMILY. Maybe now that you finally know your true self, you can all be a FAMILY again.
Just maybe, everything is going to be alright.
> END OF ACT 1