Chapter 8
The silence in your living room is maddeningly loud. It feels as if far too much time has passed with no one saying anything since speaking your revelation. This is not good. You begin to shift in your seat, the hand on your shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze. Surely Rose would understand, right? Her own sibling is nonbinary, surely something like this she would understand.
Right?
ROSE: You're...
ROSE: A girl?
JUNE: yeah.
ROSE: Hmmm...
You cannot seem to grasp the look on her face. She looks, mad? No, not mad. What is that look she's giving you? It almost looks like, confusion? You think you see shades of disappointment even?
ROSE: I'm not sure I've ever been so surprised by something in my life, June.
... Huh?
ROSE: Not that I don't believe you of course, I do.
ROSE: I just can't believe I hadn't seen this.
ROSE: We've known each other for how long now?
ROSE: And yet, in all my years of knowing you, all the times I tried to play therapist as a child and peek into your innermost feelings
ROSE: I somehow never picked up on this.
ROSE: Even considering Roxy had already come out to me.
ROSE: You must have been repressing this very deeply.
JUNE: yeah, i kind of was.
JUNE: i think i just said that, actually.
ROSE: Yes, you did, my apologies.
ROSE: Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this so soon, before the others.
You want to tell her that of course you trust her so much, she's your oldest friend and she's been there for you so many times before, but your mind is stuck on something. You remember things now. A torrent of memories flooding your mind, things you had repressed and shoved deep down into the recesses of your mind, in the hopes you'd never have to think about them again. All the times growing up where you had wished you were a girl. All the times you were subconsciously jealous of your friends. Well, apart from Dave, for obvious reasons.
God, please, don't start crying again. You start pushing these memories back down, but they push back and continue finding their way to the surface, only escaping your body in the form of more tears. The hand on your shoulder disappears for a moment, as Terezi tries to awkwardly squeeze in between you and the arm of the couch, attempting to wrap her arm around you.
TEREZI: H3Y, JUN3, 1TS OK
JUNE: sorry i just
JUNE: i can't stop remem8ering things.
TEREZI: 1TS OK, 1 PROM1S3
TEREZI: YOU DON'T H4V3 TO WORRY 4BOUT TH4T STUFF R1GHT NOW
TEREZI: 1 GOT YOU
TEREZI: W3 C4N T4LK 1T OUT L4T3R
TEREZI: WH3N YOUR3 F33L1NG B3TT3R
The tears start to fade as she comforts you. You don't want to keep repressing things, but, you would like to stop thinking about these things right now.
JUNE: thanks, terezi...
Her arms feel nice. That's really all there is to say on the matter.
KANAYA: I Do Have To Admit
KANAYA: Im Not Particularly Surprised
KANAYA: Though Perhaps This Is Because It Wasnt Considered A Very Important Thing On Alternia
ROSE: Oh?
KANAYA: Indeed
KANAYA: I Find Humans To Be Far More Concerned With Their Gender Than Trolls
KANAYA: At Least
KANAYA: The Trolls I Knew
KANAYA: Gender Was Simply Not A Particularly Big Deal For Us
TEREZI: Y34H TH4TS WH4T 1 TOLD H3R
TEREZI: WH3N 1 C4M3 OUT NOBODY G4V3 4 SH1T
ROSE: Wait, you too?
ROSE: Really?
TEREZI: L4LOND3, H4LF OUR S3SS1ON W4S TR4NS
ROSE: This is...
ROSE: Intriguing.
ROSE: I hadn't realized how common it would have been for trolls.
JUNE: yeah, when she helped me figure it out i was freaking out a8out it.
JUNE: 8ut she was all "duh, dumpass".
JUNE: oh, sorry, w8.
JUNE: "DUH, DUMP4SS".
TEREZI: YOU B1G FUCK1NG N3RD >:]
You laugh, something you were worried you weren't capable of doing anymore after all of the crying. Terezi gives you a squeeze, withdrawing the hand on your shoulder but keeping her other arm wrapped around you. You then notice you're leaning a bit close to her, and blush, hoping nobody notices.
ROSE: Well, June.
ROSE: I hope this goes without saying, but in case it doesn't, you are still my oldest and dearest friend and I love you.
ROSE: If this is who you are, then I'm happy to know the real you, and I am equally happy to get to know you all over again.
Here come the tears again. You're getting tired of all these tears, but at least now they're happy tears. The two of you reach out to embrace each other, and for a moment, you feel like nothing else could go wrong in your life.
JUNE: thank you, rose.
JUNE: thank you so much.
You break away from the hug, both wiping away tears that may have also stained each others' shoulders. You truly did not expect tonight to go this way, but upon reflection, you realize you haven't really expected anything to go the way it has for the last two weeks. Or, four days by your reckoning. Isn't time wonderful?
JUNE: so, umm.
JUNE: i know i already asked you this, 8ut
JUNE: please don't let anyone know a8out tonight, or that we're 8ack.
JUNE: not yet at least.
ROSE: Don't worry, your secret is safe with us.
JUNE: thanks, we're 8oth really tired and could use some rest 8efore telling everyone.
JUNE: especially after how tonight went.
Rose retreats into her matesprit's arms and grasps her hand yet again.
ROSE: You should probably let them know soon, though.
ROSE: At the very least that you've returned, the other details can wait for when you're ready.
JUNE: yeah, i know.
ROSE: Everyone else has been worried sick for days, especially the Strider-Vantas household.
ROSE: Karkat is already convinced you're most likely gone for good, and Dave has been rather quiet these last few days.
JUNE: oh jeez...
ROSE: Take as long as you need, but try not to stay too quiet for too long.
JUNE: yeah, i'd like to try and say something tomorrow.
JUNE: i don't know how i'm going to tell everyone though, i don't really want to do it all at once 8ut it might 8e 8etter to just
JUNE: rip off the 8and-aid, right?
She nods, and the room falls silent, as the four of you relax on your couch for a moment. You are once again leaning against Terezi, though this time you're not quite as worried as to whether or not it's noticeable. Unfortunately for you, it very likely is.
KANAYA: I Suppose That
KANAYA: Now That The Important Things Have Been Stated
KANAYA: It Would Be A Good Time To Address The Hoofbeast In The Room
Oh no.
JUNE: huh?
ROSE: Dear, are you sure now is the time for this?
You begin to object, but somebody else has a different idea.
TEREZI: N4H, GO ON M4RY4M
TEREZI: WH4T 1S 1T
Dear lord please no.
KANAYA: So
KANAYA: The Two Of You
KANAYA: Is There Something Else You Would Like To Tell Us
Rose's face lands squarely in her hands, though you hear her chuckle under her breath. You're done for now.
TEREZI: YOU M34N HOW 3GB3RT H3R3 H4S FLUSH3D F33L1NGS FOR M3? >:]
JUNE: oh no please don't do th-
ROSE: Actually...
You're done for. This is how you die. Clearly.
ROSE: We were already aware of that.
ROSE: Everyone has been for some time now.
JUNE: what the f8ck wh8t the f8ck
ROSE: June, it's been obvious for years now.
ROSE: Have you genuinely not noticed?
JUNE: NO!!!!!!!!
JUNE: i mean uhhhhhhhh...
JUNE: i really didn't!!
JUNE: not until earli- i mean no i mean i-
Now she's giggling right in front of you. You're going to die of embarrassment. The couch will mark the location of your grave.
ROSE: Though, I suppose there's someone else we ought to ask, isn't there?
Huh?
ROSE: Why don't you tell us about how you yourself are crushing on June then, Terezi?
What?
... She's joking right?
You turn to look at her and you swear for a brief moment you saw shades of teal in her cheeks. Is she blushing? Oh my god does she really have a crush on you?
TEREZI: YOU SUR3 YOUR3 NOT JUST PROJ3CT1NG TH3R3, L4LOND3?
TEREZI: DONT TH1NK 1 H4V3NT SM3LL3D TH3 T3NS1ON B3TW33N YOU TWO
TEREZI: 1T SM3LLS STRONG3R TH4N K4N4Y4S 4WFUL BR4ND OF GRUB S4UC3
KANAYA: Excuse Me I Will Have You Know
KANAYA: Its Far Better Than That Swill You Prefer
KANAYA: Not To Mention Everybody Is Well Aware That Its At Least Far More Real Than The Kraft Grub Sauce You Seem Fascinated With
TEREZI: H4V3 YOU CONS1D3R3D TH4T 1 DONT C4R3?
TEREZI: 1T 1S R3D
TEREZI: 4ND YOURS 1S GR33N
TEREZI: TH3R3FOR3 TH3 SH1T 1 GET 1S B3TT3R
TEREZI: 3ND OF FUCK1NG STORY >:]
Are they really arguing about grub sauce? Or is this some kind of troll romance thing?
JUNE: i uhh...
JUNE: i don't know i thought the stuff terezi had me get was kind of good.
ROSE: Since when do you eat grub sauce, June?
ROSE: I hadn't realized you did.
JUNE: oh i uhhhhhhhh
JUNE: actually just tried it for the first time, earlier.
JUNE: we were 8oth starving so i ordered us a pizza.
JUNE: and she had me try it with gru8 sauce.
TEREZI: S33?
TEREZI: 4T L34ST *SOM3BODY* 4GR33S W1TH M3
TEREZI: SCOR3 FOR PYROP3
You see Kanaya rest her face in her hand, letting out a sigh as she does.
JUNE: hey so, while i'm thinking a8out it.
JUNE: i'm really sorry i dragged you two over here so l8 :/
ROSE: It's alright, June. We would have come over at three in the morning if necessary.
JUNE: ok, thank you.
JUNE: 8ut i was going to offer up my dad's old room, that way you don't have to head 8ack so l8.
JUNE: i even fixed the holes in the floor and the ceiling!
Rose is laughing again. What did you say wrong?
ROSE: June, not only is that the second time you've told me that this month
ROSE: You have told me that every year around your birthday for the last three years.
JUNE: oh...
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 JOK1NG
TEREZI: H4S SH3 R34LLY TOLD YOU TH4T M4NY T1M3S?
You're starting to get the tiniest bit annoyed by all the jokes at your expense. You laugh anyway, though, as you don't want to let it damper your mood too much. You're already having a much better night than you could have expected, and you're glad to finally be around people without it being so loud and anxiety inducing like your party was. For the first time in years, you feel truly happy. At least, happy enough to let the jokes slide, considering what lies ahead for you in the near future. For now, you enjoy yourself.
KANAYA: We Should Probably Prepare For Bed Soon Should We Not
KANAYA: Not To Be The One To Put An End To The Fun
KANAYA: But I Believe We Are All Some Degree Of Exhausted
ROSE: Are you sure it's alright to stay in your Dad's room, June?
JUNE: yeah!
JUNE: i mean i don't go in there much anymore 8ut i try to go in every so often just to make sure it's not in any worse shape than the rest of the place.
TEREZI: Y34H YOU R34LLY H4V3 4 M3SS H3R3, DORK
TEREZI: 1TS COMFY
The two of them get up and start towards the stairs. You intend to follow, until your companion grabs you and speaks quietly, hoping to stay out of earshot of your guests.
TEREZI: L1TTL3 H3LP, 3GB3RT?
TEREZI: 1M 4CTU4LLY K1ND OF NOT SUR3 MY L3GS 4R3 WORK1NG TOO W3LL R1GHT NOW
JUNE: oh shit i'm sorry, i got you.
You help her up off the couch and provide her support on your way up the stairs together. You say goodnight to your friends as they enter the other bedroom, and walk with Terezi to your own room. Once you help her over to the bed, you walk across the room to your desk. You don't intend to use the computer at all, you just wanted a place to sit.
TEREZI: WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG 4LL TH3 W4Y OV3R TH3R3?
TEREZI: B3DS OV3R H3R3, DUMP4SS
JUNE: oh, i uhh.
JUNE: i was going to sleep on the floor and let you have the 8ed actually.
JUNE: i don't mind.
She gets a disgruntled look on her face.
TEREZI: JUST G3T 1N B3D W1TH M3 N3RD
JUNE: are
JUNE: you sure?
JUNE: i mean i don't want to like...
TEREZI: 1TS F1N3, JUN3
JUNE: ok 8ut...
TEREZI: 1 DONT B1T3
You're not sure this is the best idea, and you're a little worried it won't end well, but, you do admit it might be nice. Awkwardly, you get up to head over, until she flashes you a grin.
TEREZI: MUCH >:]
JUNE: oh come on, terezi!
You blush and ease your way into the bed next to her. You don't know why you haven't gotten a bigger bed before now, it's certainly big enough for the two of you, but only barely. You both end up somewhat squished together, which leaves you feeling a deadly mix of awkwardness, anxiety, and just a touch of enjoyment.
The room is silent. If your guests in the other room are talking, you can't seem to hear them. You aren't entirely sure whether you mind this or not, until you realize it means they probably can't hear you either. At least this way, should anything embarrassing happen tonight, it won't make you the subject of ridicule in the morning. Well, unless Terezi brings it up, which she most likely will.
Feeling oddly daring for once, you decide to be the one to break the silence.
JUNE: so...
JUNE: i guess i was too afraid to s8y it in front of them.
JUNE: 8ut...
You thought you were being daring, but it turns out it's harder to admit than you expected.
TEREZI: YOU C4N S4Y 1T
TEREZI: 1LL HOLD MY TONGU3 >:]
JUNE: i uhh...
JUNE: you may have 8een right.
JUNE: i kind of...
JUNE: like you.
TEREZI: Y34H 1 KNOW
TEREZI: D1D YOU TH1NK 1 W4S FUCK1NG W1TH YOU OUT TH3R3?
JUNE: i mean yeah? kind of?
TEREZI: JUN3
She chuckles a bit, then grabs your hand.
TEREZI: 1 W4S FUCK1NG W1TH YOU
JUNE: oh...
TEREZI: BUT
TEREZI: TH4T DO3SNT M34N 1 D1DNT TH1NK YOU 4CTU4LLY D1D
JUNE: so you knew?
TEREZI: Y34H
JUNE: really?
She sighs playfully, and shakes her head.
TEREZI: YOUR FR13ND W4S R1GHT, JUN3
TEREZI: 1TS K1ND OF OBV1OUS
JUNE: what's that supposed to mean?!
TEREZI: 1T M34NS YOU W3R3 L34N1NG 4G41NST M3 FOR H4LF OF TH3 N1GHT
TEREZI: 1N 4 POS1T1ON TH4T 1S V3RY R3M1N1SC3NT OF CUDDL1NG
JUNE: oh...
TEREZI: W3R3 YOU TRY1NG TO CUDDL3 W1TH M3 JUN3?
You stop to think. Were you trying to? You didn't think so at the time, but it seems there's a lot your subconscious mind is aware of that you yourself don't ever really think about or even know. It did manage to hide you being trans for so long.
JUNE: ... may8e?
She moves around, presumably to get more comfortable, while still staying fairly close to you.
TEREZI: PLUS SH3 M4Y H4V3 B33N R1GHT 4BOUT OTH3R TH1NGS, TOO
She looks away from you. She's, she's not saying what you think she's saying, is she?
TEREZI: 1 M1GHT
TEREZI: K1ND4 H4V3 SOM3 F33L1NGS FOR YOU
Oh god. She is.
Wait, what kind of feelings? Does she mean like, she's in love with you? She does tease you a lot, and you do kind of insult each other a lot. She doesn't, have those kinds of feelings for you, does she?
JUNE: i, uhh
JUNE: i'm not sure if i can
JUNE: do the whole
JUNE: "blackrom thing".
JUNE: or at least not yet.
TEREZI: WH4T?
JUNE: i mean i don't really know what it would mean! i don't know what i'm supposed to do!
JUNE: and my feelings are
JUNE: not really the whole "h8 d8" thing.
She puts her hand on your shoulder and faces you. If she could see, she would likely be staring right at you.
TEREZI: JUN3
TEREZI: SORRY BUT
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 K1ND OF B31NG 4 DUMP4SS
Ok what? That is COMPLETELY uncalled for!
JUNE: i-
TEREZI: JUST B3C4US3 1 G1V3 YOU 4 LOT OF SH1T
TEREZI: DO3S NOT M34N 1 H4V3 P1TCH F33L1NGS FOR YOU
JUNE: oh.
TEREZI: Y34H
TEREZI: 1 JUST K1ND OF DO TH4T W1TH 3V3RYON3
TEREZI: TH4TS MY WHOL3 TH1NG
TEREZI: 1 M34N 1 K1ND4 DO 4 L1TTL3 B1T
TEREZI: 1TS COMPL1C4T3D >:|
That's right. She does kind of do that a lot. Although, you wonder if maybe she's not telling the whole truth.
JUNE: so...
JUNE: what kind of feelings *do* you have for me?
Silence.
TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK, N3RD?
JUNE: i don't know!!!!!!!!
JUNE: why can't you just say it!!!!!!!!
TEREZI: B3C4US3 M4YB3 1 4M R34LLY NOT GOOD 4T B31NG VULN3R4BL3, DUMP4SS >:[
JUNE: ugh, ok fine that's understanda8le i guess.
Terezi rolls back over onto her other side, facing your wall. You didn't say anything to upset her, did you? You were only playing around, though you admittedly would like to hear her say it just to make sure you aren't misinterpreting anything.
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS 1F YOUR3 GO1NG TO M4K3 M3 S4Y 1T OUT LOUD
TEREZI: Y3S
TEREZI: 1 T3R3Z1 PYROP3
TEREZI: H4V3 B1G FUCK1NG R3DROM F33L1NGS FOR YOU
TEREZI: 4ND WOULD L1K3 TO P4RT4K3 1N B1G TROLL/HUM4N SLOPPY M4K3OUTS W1TH YOU
TEREZI: TH3R3
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU H4PPY?
You kind of are, at least enough to be stifling a giggle. You're not going to tell her that though.
JUNE: i mean
JUNE: in a way yes.
JUNE: i told a girl i have a crush on her and she said she likes me 8ack that's kind of cool right?
She turns back towards you with a scowl on her face.
TEREZI: JUN3
TEREZI: QU1T B31NG 4 DORK
TEREZI: 4T L34ST FOR YOUR OWN S4K3
TEREZI: 1T 1S 4DOR4BL3
TEREZI: 4ND FUN TO M4K3 FUN OF
TEREZI: BUT YOUR3 K1ND OF JUST G1V1NG M3 4 BUNCH OF 4MMUN1T1ON H3R3 >:]
JUNE: oh fuck you, pyrope, heheh :P
Suddenly she moves in closer. You're not sure how you two could even physically get closer together, but she manages to. You are practically on top of each other with how close you are. Her arm finds its way under yours, wrapping around you and holding you there. Your heart begins pounding.
TEREZI: YOU GOOD?
JUNE: u-uhh, y-yeah, i think s-so.
TEREZI: 1 DONT H4V3 TO DO TH1S 1F YOU DONT L1K3 1T
JUNE: no it, it's fine.
JUNE: it's good.
JUNE: i think i like it.
TEREZI: YOU TH1NK?
JUNE: i-i don't know i'm j-just a li-
TEREZI: S1NC3 WH3N DO YOU TH1NK, DUMP4SS?
JUNE: h-hey!!
Her head rests against your chest and oh god what's going on this is terrifying but it's nice? You think you're enjoying this? But you're afraid of messing something up. Your arm moves its way to her back, and you stay there for a moment, holding each other. You're finally beginning to ease into it aren't y-
TEREZI: OH FOR FUCKS S4K3
She kisses you.
Terezi Pyrope kissed you.
Huh.
So that's what that feels like.
You have finally had your FIRST KISS, and you are struggling to process it internally. You enjoyed it, but your brain appears to be shutting down. You can't say you particularly mind, though, seeing as your thoughts are being replaced by WARM AND FUZZY FEELINGS.
TEREZI: HOW W4S TH4T?
You mumble words, but you aren't sure what words they are, and they probably come out sounding like gibberish. Not that you can tell. Or really care, for that matter.
JUNE: that.
JUNE: huh.
JUNE: wow.
TEREZI: YOU 4LR1GHT?
JUNE: that was.
JUNE: nice.
She looks like she's about to say something else, but before she can, your instincts take over and you kiss her back.
You begin to hope this night will never end.
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