Chapter 2
JADE: daaaaaaaaaaaaaave!!!
Ugh. Come one, dude. You were sleeping. It's like, way too early for you to be up right now. It's not even remotely close to sunset yet! Why the fuck is she waking you up so early?
JADE: daaaaaaave dave dave
JADE: wake up dummy :P
JADE: woof woof woof!!
You don't particularly feel like waking up this early, but you don't think she'll let you go back to sleep. You groan and sigh and yell in her general direction that you're getting up, before rolling out of bed and onto your floor. Unlike your friends, you don't care as much about sleeping in the same clothes, especially when your only plans are to chill out on your couch with your boyfriend.
Besides, why would you not want to chill in your dope god tier pajamas? They're just so comfortable, you could wear them for days at a time and not grow tired. Even if you wanted to go out in them, something you most definitely do on a fairly regular basis, it just takes a quick change into one of your many other stylish outfits and a quick change back and they're just like new. Being a god is so dope.
DAVE: ok im up whats goin on
DAVE: you gonna try to get me to get karkat to make out with you again or something?
JADE: no stupid!
JADE: i learned my lesson the last time i tried that :|
DAVE: yeah he uhhhh really doesnt like doing that
DAVE: you know how long it took him to get comfortable kissing me
DAVE: hell you know how long it took *me* to get comfy kissing *him*
JADE: yeahhhhh
JADE: you two are so cute though ^w^
DAVE: yeah lets maybe not go down that whole direction
JADE: fiiiiiiiiiiiiine
You step into the kitchen and go to get some coffee going, but it seems Jade beat you to the punch. You pray to yourself that this time she didn't use the cheap garbage her and her sibling seem to love, and instead used the coffee you buy. You don't remember when it happened, but you and your sister both seem to have turned into major coffee snobs. You've tried to explain to your friend and roommate that you are not a snob, but she insists that you are, and that's really all there is to say on the matter.
DAVE: so like what actually is it then that you wanted to oh my god the fuck did you put in this coffee dude
DAVE: jegus jade
DAVE: *jesus
JADE: ugh sooooorryyyyyyyyy >:( woof
DAVE: no not like that dude this is like
DAVE: holy shit
DAVE: this is so good bro what did you do to this like goddamn
JADE: i dont know!!! i didnt do anything different from normal!!!!!
JADE: i just used that stuff you get like you keep yelling at me about!!!
DAVE: good keep it up this is like
DAVE: idk maybe its not actually that incredible maybe its just cause i didnt expect it to actually be drinkable or smth
JADE: grrrrrrrrrrr >:( woof woof woof woof!!
DAVE: ok jegus calm down
DAVE: *JESUS fuckin trolls
You grab a bigger mug than you had originally grabbed when you had expected it to taste like swill, dump what you had already poured into it, and top your new mug off, before carrying it over to your table.
DAVE: so
DAVE: can we maybe not with all the interruptions and just like
DAVE: actually talk about whatever tf you were trying to talk about
JADE: its just
JADE: im just kinda worried about john
DAVE: oh yeah
Surely you mean June right? No, of course you don't, who is June? Maybe you're mistaken and you're thinking about Jane Crocker? You are clearly talking about your friend, John Egbert.
JADE: we had a really bad conversation last night
DAVE: jade didnt you get like
DAVE: completely fuckin wrecked last night
DAVE: why were you messaging him
JADE: i dont know!!!!
JADE: it was just really late and i think i was really drunk and said some things i didnt mean
DAVE: you didnt like wake him up to talk about it did you?
JADE: no!!!
JADE: ... i think he was already up...
DAVE: yeah sure i bet
JADE: ugghghghhhghh shut up dave!!
DAVE: ok ok anyways as you were saying youre worried about him
DAVE: why are you worried about him
DAVE: dude seems fine to me
She looks at you as if you had just said something totally and completely stupid. Not that you would ever say anything that stupid. But why is she still looking at you as if you had?
JADE: dave he barely talks to me anymore
JADE: i dont think anyones even seen him in person in like forever!!!!
DAVE: didnt we go over for his birthday
JADE: that was two years ago, dave...
DAVE: ok but like take a look at what i said and notice i didnt say how long ago
DAVE: but also yeah youre right that was a while ago
DAVE: goddamn jade seriously how did you get this coffee tasting so good like what the fuck
Now she's glaring at you. What did you do wrong? You're literally just complimenting her sudden coffee-making skills, she should feel flattered that you, Dave Strider the coffee snob, are complimenting the coffee she made. Though, this might not be the right conversation to be telling her this.
JADE: im just really worried about him is all
JADE: he never talks and every time i keep trying to talk to him we keep arguing about stupid stuff
DAVE: have you tried not talking about stupid stuff and maybe just like ask him about his day or how hes doing or smth
JADE: really?
JADE: you really think i havent tried that? >:|
DAVE: hey i dont know the contents of your private discussions with my best bud i am not the kind of snoop whos gonna do that
DAVE: i am simply just throwing out suggestions what more do you want from me
You sip your delicious cup of coffee and have to hold your tongue before you make another errant comment on how much you're enjoying it. She looks really worried, and you wonder if maybe you're being a little insensitive. You probably are.
DAVE: look ok im sorry ill shut up i just dont really get what youre worried about i guess
DAVE: i mean yeah im worried about him too like he and i dont really talk anymore either and im kinda worried hes not alright
DAVE: but i guess im just getting used to it cause hes kinda just given me shit every time i try to bug him and i dont really have the energy to keep dealing with it so im not really that worried about him
JADE: wait why have you been bugging him so much?
JADE: do you like him or something?
DAVE: haha no of course not why would you think that?
She giggles, and your heart sinks.
JADE: i didnt think so until you just said that, so, haha :P
JADE: i was just kind of joking about it but now i know im right!
DAVE: god dammit
DAVE: look no i dont like him i dont have a thing for him hes just my best bud and im worried about him
JADE: daaave you literally just said you werent that worried about him
DAVE: how about we just rewind a bit and maybe go back and start this conversation over hey jade hows your day going thanks for the dope coffee whats goin on
JADE: whats karkat think about it?
DAVE: he doesnt think anything about it cause its not a thing
JADE: daaaaaaaaave!!!!!
DAVE: jaaaaaaaaade see look i can do it too why are we yelling each others names
JADE: because you wont tell me the truth!! >:(
JADE: woof!!!!
You let out a deep sigh. You don't think you're getting out of this one, maybe you ought to tell her the truth.
DAVE: ok yeah fine sure i kinda got a thing for him
DAVE: hes my best bud and im like super gay and wanna have his babies or whatever
DAVE: there happy?
JADE: :P
JADE: what does karkat think?
KARKAT: KARKAT THINKS YOU TWO ASSMAGGOTS ARE TOO LOUD AND WON'T SHUT UP AND LET HIM FUCKING SLEEP.
There he is. It's still a little early for him to be up, but perhaps you really were being a little too loud.
DAVE: oh hey babe hows it goin
KARKAT: I'M FINE.
KARKAT: JADE, I THINK THERE'S NOTHING FUCKING WRONG WITH IT, AND I RESENT THE FACT THAT YOU SEEM TO THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT
KARKAT: YOU HORRIBLY CULTURALLY INSENSITIVE GRUBFISTER.
JADE: well good morning to you too :|
KARKAT: SORRY.
KARKAT: I'M A LITTLE TIRED.
JADE: is that why youre so crabby? :P
KARKAT: FUCK YOU, HARLEY, YOU-
DAVE: babe maybe dont why dont you go have some coffee
KARKAT: FINE.
He grumbles about the coffee expecting it to be a ruinous experience like you had. You see his expression perk up when he tastes it though. Man that boy is so cute sometimes. Sure, he can be loud, aggressive, even shouty sometimes, but you know he's ultimately harmless. He's almost like an angry little dog sometimes. You've gotten to know him well in the eight years you've spent together, and you know beyond the hostility lies the sweet and sensitive boy who stole your heart on that meteor.
Wow, Dave, that's pretty gay.
KARKAT: HOLY FUCK DAVE DID YOU MAKE THIS?
DAVE: yeah dude its my secret recipe
JADE: dave you asshole you know i made it!!
KARKAT: JADE, I'M SORRY, BUT WE BOTH KNOW YOUR COFFEE IS TERRIBLE.
JADE: HEY!!!! >:(
JADE: bark bark bark bark bark!!!!!
DAVE: no but for real karkat she made the coffee im just fuckin with you
KARKAT: OH.
KARKAT: WOW.
KARKAT: JUST WHEN I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T BE MORE OF A SHITSPONGE YOU PROVE ME FUCKING WRONG, STRIDER.
KARKAT: WELL FUCKING DONE.
Jade starts getting up and putting away her dishes as Karkat moves towards your table.
JADE: i think you should go talk to him, dave
JADE: im gonna go get my stuff packed up
DAVE: oh yeah youre going back to your place for a bit right
JADE: yeah, i love you two but i kinda want some space for a bit
DAVE: yeah thats cool
DAVE: i guess ill try to talk to him
KARKAT: YES. YOU SHOULD. THAT'S AN INCREDIBLE IDEA.
DAVE: dude why are you even trying so hard to set me up with him
KARKAT: DO WE REALLY HAVE TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN?
You can't recall the last time you had this conversation. Are you sure you've had this conversation before?
DAVE: i mean i guess not how many times have we had this conversation already or whatever
KARKAT: TWELVE.
KARKAT: TWELVE TIMES.
DAVE: yeah of course you would keep track of shit like that
KARKAT: THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, ASSHOLE?
DAVE: it means youre cute babe
There you go, that'll get him off your case. You see him blush as he stammers, trying to remain angry - and arguably getting angrier at you for making him so flustered - but ultimately he can't get any real words out.
Jade wanders back to her room, while the two of you decide to move to your couch. It's comfier there, and you can cuddle on the couch. You don't much like physical contact right now, but you're starting to get more comfortable with it. Especially after the countless nights you've both fallen asleep on each others' lap while watching television.
DAVE: so what do i just message him like oh hey john im like super fuckin gay for you whats up
KARKAT: YEAH.
DAVE: wait really
KARKAT: WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
KARKAT: IT'S DIRECT AND HONEST AND DOESN'T LEAVE ANY ROOM FOR INTERPRETING THE WRONG THINGS.
DAVE: yeah but direct and honest really isnt my thing dude
KARKAT: I KNOW THAT YOU MORON, THAT'S WHY I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO ME.
DAVE: true
You pull up your favorite INSTANT MESSAGING CLIENT on your MOBILE DEVICE and navigate to your best friend's account.
DAVE: idk man should i really drop this so close to his birthday or whatever
KARKAT: WHAT'S THERE TO LOSE?
KARKAT: WORST CASE SCENARIO, HE'S NOT INTO YOU.
DAVE: yeah cause that totally wouldnt feel fuckin embarrassing or whatever
DAVE: oh hey john i am so incredibly gay for you happy birthday
DAVE: oh hi dave im sorry to inform you but i am not a homosexual
DAVE: oh well my mistake john i am so sorry for bothering you
DAVE: its ok dave i am so sorry i cant reciprocate your big gay feelings or whatever
KARKAT: OH MY GOD YOU FUCKING SAD SACK HUMAN BOY WILL YOU FUCKING MESSAGE EGBERT BEFORE ANY MORE BILE ATTEMPTS TO ESCAPE FROM MY DIGESTION BLADDER?
DAVE: alright alright chill dude fine fuck jegus
DAVE: JEGUS
DAVE: FUCKIN
DAVE: jesus
DAVE: nailed it
You take a deep breath, steeling yourself for something you've done thousands of times over your life, and begin to message your friend.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
TG: hey john
TG: joooooohn
TG: look dude i know you never fuckin look at your phone anymore but come on ive been tryin to reach you for days bro
TG: i keep getting shit from your sister cause you dont talk to her anymore
TG: i swear she thinks im gay for you or something
TG: not that theres anything wrong with that i mean you already know im gay
TG: im all down with making out with dudes and shit you know that like im all up in that shit hell yeah dudes are great i love guys
TG: look lets just rewind a bit how are you my dude
TG: come on john youre leaving me hanging and now i sound crazier than your sister
TG: ok fine i get the hint ill bug you later bro.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] -->
No response. You're not sure what you expected. He's not even online, anyways. At least you didn't leave him a heartfelt confession for him to ignore, that would probably be even more embarrassing.
DAVE: god fuck dude i shouldnt have done that
KARKAT: HEY, IT'S OK.
KARKAT: WHENEVER HE COMES ONLINE MAYBE HE'LL SEE IT AND YOU CAN TALK.
DAVE: yeah cause i totally didnt just fuck things up
DAVE: why did i even say all that
DAVE: look im just gonna go make some noise ill talk to you later babe
KARKAT: WHATEVER HELPS YOU FEEL BETTER. SORRY I PUSHED YOU INTO DOING THIS FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH.
DAVE: its alright dude i love you
KARKAT: I LOVE YOU TOO.
You get up and give him a kiss on the forehead, watching him blush, before retreating to your bedroom, where you keep your MAKESHIFT HOME STUDIO for producing the ABSOLUTE STRICTEST OF BEATS. Your music has been taking a more experimental turn lately, however, as your general mood turns towards one of BOREDOM and DEPRESSION over the return of the warm summer months. They remind you too much of your home, or at least the place you grew up in. You're not sure you would label that a home.
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You still haven't heard back from your friend in a few days. You're starting to get a little bit worried. It's even messing with your sleep schedule, to the point where you're awake far earlier than you typically would be. Your beloved matesprit currently seems to still be sleeping, which would make sense seeing as the two of you have taken to following his nocturnal body clock. The Earth C sun may not be quite as blinding as the Alternian sun, but you still respect his preference to stay out of the sunlight.
You, however, are not currently abstaining from sunlight. Instead, you are wandering around in it, loosely making your way to the Human Kingdom. You don't typically come here much, but you figured that you should perhaps check up on your CHILDHOOD FRIEND. You hope you aren't bothering him too much.
You find your way to his house, not that you would be able to miss it, but you decide not to alert him to your presence yet. You feel you should probably figure out what you're going to say to him, so you don't fall into yet another classic Dave Strider Rambling Session. You also don't want to end up inadvertently telling him what you very desperately would like to tell him.
Finally, you summon the courage to knock on his door. It takes you a few moments to get a response.
JOHN: i'll be right there!
You wait patiently outside his house. Man, as much as you hate the way spring signals the coming of summer, you have to admit, today is a lovely day to be outside. You would do this more often, if your boyfriend weren't nocturnal and sensitive to the sun.
DAVE: sup
JOHN: dave?
JOHN: what are you doing here?
JOHN: you don't usually come all the way out here.
DAVE: oh yeah i just yknow like
DAVE: happened to be in the neighborhood
DAVE: and all
JOHN: yeah?
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: you know the way i do
DAVE: i just kinda hang out and go wherever the bitches are
DAVE: and by bitches i mean karkat i love that bitch
DAVE: hes not actually here i dont even know why i said that lemme back up a bit
Smooth start, Strider.
DAVE: ahem
DAVE: im in the neighborhood
DAVE: as i just happen to do
DAVE: and i figured yknow why not go see my best bud john i bet hes probably up to some shit but who knows maybe he would be down to hang out and shit
DAVE: yknow?
JOHN: uhhhhhhhh i guess?
JOHN: that still doesn't explain why you're all the way out here though?
DAVE: look idk dude
DAVE: my best buds not responding and shit and a guy gets worried
DAVE: ive been kinda tryin to get a hold of you for a while about stuff like
DAVE: for a while
DAVE: not important stuff i guess its just like we dont talk that much anymore and i kinda miss my best friend and all yknow?
JOHN: i... think?
JOHN: i don't know dave i kind of just woke up and i'm a little tired.
JOHN: i mean i woke up a little while ago i'm just still kind of tired.
DAVE: yeah dude thats cool thats fine
God damn it. This is really not going well for you, is it?
DAVE: look im sure you dont got time to listen to me go on and on about stuff i just figured id come see my best friend and say hi and stuff and see if maybe you wanted to hang out and all
DAVE: karkats back home still he doesnt like going out during the day
DAVE: its the whole trolls are nocturnal thing
DAVE: i kinda got used to it too but i happened to be up a little earlier than usual today which is like weird but i figured hey lets go see if egberts doin anything
JOHN: i'm not really doing anything i guess.
JOHN: but i'm good.
JOHN: sorry to make you come all the way out here though.
JOHN: and don't worry about me i'm fine.
JOHN: just kind of forgetful lately i guess.
DAVE: yeah ok thats cool i probably could have called you or something first thats fine
DAVE: oh i do have something important though
DAVE: you should go see your sister
He pauses for a second, and you wonder if he actually read the things you sent him the other day. You really hope he didn't. That might have been even more awkward than your current conversation.
JOHN: ok yeah alright fine.
JOHN: she's still living with you guys right? maybe i could come back with you and we could hang out and she and i could talk or whatever.
DAVE: nah she moved out last night
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: really?
JOHN: did something happen?
DAVE: nah thats just her thing dude
DAVE: she floats around between us and rose some times like she stays a week with us and then hangs with rose and kanaya for a week or sometimes she goes back to her own place
DAVE: its kinda weird but i mean she does what she wants thats cool i get it
DAVE: you know for a while she was talkin about living with you like oh man what if i spent like a week living with my bro every now and then thatd be cool and i told her yeah thatd be cool maybe then we could all hang out more often like youd get him to come out of the house more and all
JOHN: huh.
You think she said that. You're fairly sure she said that. You can't really recall if she said that. She might not have said that. Good going, Strider.
JOHN: i mean yeah that might be cool. i guess.
JOHN: i'll try to go see her today maybe.
DAVE: you know egbert that would be a brilliant idea like i love your sister and all but she literally would not stop bugging me about this
DAVE: im all like hey leave me alone im clearly over here tryin to sweet talk my boyfriend yknow
JOHN: daaaaaaaave!!!!!!!!
JOHN: i said i'd go see her!!!!!!!!
JOHN: can you maybe give me a little space!!!!!!!!
And there it is, folks. Dave Strider rambling about yet more things he doesn't need to be talking about. If conversations could be embarrassed, this one would be deeply embarrassed for you.
DAVE: oh shit my bad dude sorry you know i get carried away like that some times
DAVE: wait was that a question
JOHN: yeah, why wouldn't it be!!!!!!!!
DAVE: idk dude thats a lot of exclamation points for a question
DAVE: dont tell me you got her on your mind again
JOHN: bye dave i'll talk to you later.
He slams the door in your face. Congratulations, Dave.
You start to rationalize. Maybe he's just having a bad day. He did say he had just gotten up. And what was that going on with all of those exclamation points? He almost sounds like Vriska.
He'd better not be thinking about Vriska again. The last time she was on his mind like this, you distinctly remember him dressing far too closely to how you remember her dressing, and acting almost as aggressively as she used to. You wish he'd realize she's probably not coming back, no matter how much Terezi tries to convince him.
Defeated and now stuck thinking about a huge bitch, you make your way back to your hive. Maybe you can forget about today before anything else happens.
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