Chapter 3
KARKAT: HEY ASSHOLE, YOU UP YET?
You don't particularly understand why most people have alarm clocks. Maybe it's because they don't typically have boyfriends like Karkat, who isn't afraid to wake you up himself. His voice is certainly loud enough to be your alarm anyways.
JADE: daaaaaaaaaaaaaave!!!!!!!!!
JADE: wake uuuuuuuppppppppp!!!!!!!!
JADE: woof woof bark!!!!!!
You suppose Jade could also probably be a wonderful alarm clock, especially when combined with Karkat.
DAVE: ok ok i get it i get it fuck jegus shut up
You roll out of bed yet again, and repeat your now familiar habit of changing clothes so your comfy god tier outfit cleans itself.
DAVE: fuck do you guys even need me up for anyway
JADE: no reason!! :P
KARKAT: YES THERE IS A FUCKING REASON HARLEY AND YOU DAMN WELL KNOW IT.
KARKAT: DAVE SHE WON'T STOP FLIRTING WITH ME.
DAVE: you have got to be fucking joking dude
DAVE: jade leave him alone ok
DAVE: fuck
You decide it's not actually worth getting involved in whatever blackrom bullshit they're probably getting up to. You have more important things to worry about. Like the strict beats that aren't currently being cooked up. The ones you don't particularly feel like working on. You know what sounds even more important than those beats you don't feel like? Some coffee to wake you up.
Guess you'll have to get involved in your hivemates' blackrom bullshit anyways, won't you?
JADE: karkaaaaaaaaaaat quit ignoring meeeeeee
KARKAT: CAN YOU MAYBE FUCK OFF? ARE YOU *TRYING* TO PISS ME OFF?
KARKAT: BECAUSE IT'S REALLY WORKING.
DAVE: what are you two even up to
JADE: im just trying to talk to him!!!!
KARKAT: THAT'S A FUCKING LIE AND YOU KNOW IT SHIT-FOR-BRAINS.
KARKAT: ARE YOU JUST *THAT* FUCKING STUPID OR ARE YOU SO FUCKING DESPERATE FOR A KISMESIS THAT YOU'RE WILLING TO SETTLE FOR *ME* OF ALL PEOPLE?
JADE: karkaaaat dont be so mean to yourself!!
JADE: i wouldnt be settling for you!!!
KARKAT: RIGHT, IT WOULD BE OUT OF PITY FOR ME BECAUSE YOU THINK I'M INCAPABLE OF FINDING ANYONE WHO WOULD STOOP *THAT* FUCKING LOW AS TO ENGAGE IN BLACKROM WITH ME.
KARKAT: WELL GUESS FUCKING WHAT HARLEY, I DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING PITY!
DAVE: karkat, babe, chill
DAVE: shut the fuck up please
DAVE: my fuckin head hurts and i literally just woke up i really do not wanna deal with you twos pitch bullshit right now
You are so unbelievably tired of their pitch bullshit right now. They don’t even know. You almost wish they’d hook up already, since Karkat apparently seems totally cool with polyamory. Not that you’re not cool with it, you would totally support him if he decided to get in another relationship. You’ve grown a lot since your days on the meteor. You’re just afraid of exploring polyamory yourself.
DAVE: like for real karkat you clearly hate her enough for it and jade i know you dont really hate anybody but like from what this dude has told me the way you tease him and stuff could easily be caligi-whatever flirting
DAVE: so can yall just hate kiss already or whatever you two are gonna do and maybe leave me alone
JADE: jeez dave whats gotten into you??
JADE: sorry we woke you up but it was getting late and i didnt think youd want to sleep so late!!
DAVE: yeah i didnt but also im like kinda
DAVE: actually no im good i just really wanted to sleep yknow
DAVE: sleep is cool its comfy i love it
KARKAT: THAT IS BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW IT.
KARKAT: I MEAN.
KARKAT: EXCEPT THE PART ABOUT YOU LOVING SLEEP.
KARKAT: YOU DO KIND OF MAYBE TEND TO SLEEP A LOT.
KARKAT: ESPECIALLY LATELY.
DAVE: yeah dude im like exhausted lately but its all cool just maybe let me sleep next time
DAVE: and maybe dont wake me up just to tell me you two are all in spades or whatever
KARKAT: WE ARE NOT IN FUCKING SPADES BULGESUCKER!
DAVE: yeah sure whatever you say babe
You don't believe him, but even if you did, you don't really care right now. Your head hurts too much to bother. Yeah, that's it, your head. Definitely not anything else. Karkat runs off on his own in frustration, which you are silently thankful for, but Jade remains in her spot while you try to wake up.
JADE: so really, whats gotten into you?
DAVE: i told you im fuckin tired lately
JADE: come oooooon dave we both know youre being full of shit right now!
DAVE: idk i think im being dave right now
JADE: ugh, thats not what i mean!!!
JADE: this is about june isnt it?
DAVE: yeah im being dave because of june that makes so much sense jade holy shit you wise motherfucker
JADE: daaaaaave!!
JADE: you know what i mean you dummy >:(
JADE: you can tell me whats going on you know, right?
DAVE: i literally already did tell you whats going on jade
DAVE: i am dave
DAVE: i am currently being dave strider
DAVE: the coolest motherfucker on this whole goddamn planet
JADE: the coolest motherfucker who everyone knows is crushing on his best friend?
JADE: and is too afraid to tell her?
She's got you there, Dave.
DAVE: alright fine yeah so i got a thing for june whats wrong with that
DAVE: besides she already dating terezi and im already dating karkat and you know im not gonna leave karkat
JADE: maybe you dont HAVE to leave karkat though!!
DAVE: yeah cause im so comfortable with the whole polyam thing
DAVE: you know like how im so comfortable with how you keep trying to rope me and karkat into a three way thing with you
JADE: i mean, if you really dont want me to i can stop...
Her ears begin to droop. You made her sad, asshole.
DAVE: no jade i mean like
DAVE: its not even that i dont want to im just like
DAVE: idk if im comfortable with that yet
DAVE: idk what im supposed to do am i supposed to like divide my attention equally among everyone or what if karkat decides hes better off with you and you both like leave me or whatever
DAVE: or what if i end up liking june more and oh whoops turns out im not gay
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: not that one thats not relevant dont worry about that
She eyes you puzzlingly. When will you ever learn to keep your mouth shut, Strider?
JADE: what do you mean whoops turns out youre not gay?
JADE: maybe youre bisexual
JADE: or pansexual!!
DAVE: idk i mean
DAVE: idk
JADE: its ok dave, you can tell me
JADE: regardless i still wanna be your friend, you can talk to me about stuff <3
DAVE: i guess
You take a very large, very long sip of your coffee, and pair it with a deep breath. This is not how you pictured your evening going.
DAVE: idk i just worry like
DAVE: it took me so long to even accept i was gay
DAVE: what if like
DAVE: what if im wrong
You set down your mug and rest your head on the table, using your crossed arms as a makeshift pillow.
JADE: why does that even matter though?
JADE: so what if youre wrong about it now that doesnt mean you were wrong the first time!!!
JADE: it just means youve changed a little
DAVE: jade the fuck does that even mean like how could i have been gay before but now im not like how does that work
JADE: from what karkat and kanaya have told me about this kind of stuff its really not as solid as you think it is, dave
JADE: at least not for trolls, but i dont think that means it doesnt apply to humans too
DAVE: ok but whats that mean
DAVE: so i could be gay today and tomorrow im not
JADE: yeah, kinda!
JADE: a lot of people are kind of, what did kanaya call it?
JADE: fluid?
DAVE: so youre calling me cum ok cool
JADE: NO dave!! jesus!!!
JADE: i am just saying that sometimes who you like can change
JADE: maybe sometimes you like boys and sometimes you like girls or maybe sometimes you like nonbinary people!
JADE: or like, anyone?
JADE: like how you know i have a thing for you two boys, but sometimes i am kind of more interested in your sister and her wife
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: i guess that makes sense
DAVE: that doesnt help me figure it out though
DAVE: sounds kinda confusing too
DAVE: look can i just like figure this out on my own idk im kinda done talking about this i just want some space
JADE: ok ok alright
JADE: you should maybe talk to rose though!!
JADE: i mean if you feel like it
DAVE: yeah ill think about it
She gets up from the table and heads in the direction of Karkat's room, which can't mean anything good, but you really just don't care right now. You figure you'll finish up your evening breakfast and hide in your bedroom, as you tend to do these days. There are some hauntingly sick beats that need to be ironed out and cued up pretty strict.
Though, once you do retreat to your bedroom studio, you just can't summon the energy to turn those bitches up stern enough. You are still freaking out internally about your FEELINGS for your CHILDHOOD FRIEND, and what they mean about your increasingly confusing SEXUALITY. Maybe you should take your roommate's advice and talk to your SISTER. She does tend to know these sorts of things, and often knows what to do when dealing with them.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
TG: ok so dont make a big deal or freak out or whatever about this yes i know im buggin you unprompted and out of nowhere
TT: Why ever would I make a big deal about the great Dave Strider pestering me?
TT: It's not as if this is unexpected.
You immediately regret your decision to continue seeking help from FLIGHTY BROADS.
TG: see this is what im talkin about dont do this
TG: wait
TG: unexpected??
TG: ok whatever fuck off with that
TG: i just got some shit to talk about and i figure id rather talk to you about it than like jade or someone
TG: i mean if you actually got time to talk
TT: I think I can move some things around.
TG: nah if your busy dw about it ill hit you up some other time
TT: Dave.
TT: I'm being facetious, I'm not busy.
TG: goddammit lalonde
TT: So what's going on with Dave tonight?
TT: Is this anything to do with June?
Mother fucker. How did she know?
TT: I'll assume your silence means yes?
TG: yeah goddamn howd you pick up on that
TG: nvm i dont wanna know its probably some seer bullshit or something
TT: As if I'd let you know my secrets.
TG: ok sure whatever
TG: yeah its about june
TG: im sittin over here freaking out about liking her because this whole time i thought i was gay and now im like
TG: whats even going on
TG: its even more confusing cause i already liked her *before* she was june
TG: i mean back before i knew she was june you know what i mean
TT: Indeed.
TG: so like idk im worried this is all kinds of fucked up like im worried shell think i think shes a dude even though i *dont* cause im not that kind of asshole
TG: but i also dont know what this means about *me*
TT: Presumably it means you're bisexual.
TT: Or pansexual.
TT: Or any number of such words, whichever one feels most comfortable to you.
TG: see thats just the thing i dont fucking KNOW because i feel like i gotta go through a whole nother however many fucking years of figuring it out
TG: like fuck it took me so long to even admit i was gay even AFTER i spent how many years doing all kinds of gay shit with karkat
TG: do i have to go through that again but this time for being somethin else idek the right word for
TG: i dont even have time for that right now i feel like im losing my shit all over the place over this june thing and idek how to fuckin deal with it on TOP of the gay shit or bisexual shit or whatever the fuck it is
TG: like rose what the fuck is up with this shit
You hadn't actually intended on letting all of that out. You're not even sure where some of that came from. Which you admit is generally what tends to happen when you bottle in your feelings, something that occurs far too often for you. You're not very good at talking about them, preferring instead to think about them on your own. Not that you particularly do that very often either.
TT: I wish I could answer that for you, but I'm afraid that's not something I have an answer for.
TT: As shocking as that may be.
TG: yeah thats fine i guess i just idk like at least you dont bug me about it or press me about it the way jade does
TG: like shes cool and all i love having her around but
TG: goddamn no dont tell me theres something there too fuck
TT: I won't tell you there is.
TT: That won't change whether anything is there, however.
TG: goddammit rose fuckin
TT: I'm not saying anything.
TT: There's nothing wrong with discovering you might be a different sexuality than you previously believed, though.
TT: Isn't that how you initially discovered you were gay?
She does have a point. You did initially suspect you might have been wrong about your supposed heterosexuality when you first came out. Maybe it's possible she's right?
TT: It also doesn't necessarily have to take another several years to figure it out.
TT: Why not simply explore the idea?
TG: the fucks that supposed to mean like
TG: just start saying hey im bisexual and then see if it sticks or something
TT: Why not?
TG: because thats dumb why would i do that
TG: what if it turns out im wrong again and then i gotta tell everyone oh hey no guess what dave striders actually just gay or oh no turns out im straight or something else entirely
TG: or fuck what about karkat whats he gonna do if it turns out i only like girls or whatever
TT: Do you only like girls?
TG: i dont fucking KNOW rose
You're starting to debate whether or not this conversation was a good idea again.
TT: Then let me put this a different way.
TT: Do you love Karkat?
TG: no ive been living with him for eight years just because i like hearing him yell all the time
TG: yeah i love him
TT: Do your feelings for June contradict your feelings for him?
TT: As in, if it turned out June had similar feelings about you, would you want to leave him for her?
TG: no
TG: fuck no
TT: So clearly you would still be attracted to Karkat, wouldn't you?
TG: i mean
TG: yeah?
TT: But you would also still be attracted to June, correct?
God fucking damn it, Rose. Stop making sense.
TG: fine ok yeah i would so whats that mean im bisexual then
TT: I don't know, Dave.
TT: That's entirely up to you to decide.
TG: decide
TG: you mean i get to choose
TG: hows that work
TT: If you feel that makes the most sense to you, then why not simply refer to yourself as such?
TT: Or, alternatively, why bother even picking a name for it to begin with?
TT: Why not just be Dave Strider?
TG: oh
TG: i mean
TG: i guess that makes sense
Maybe she has a point. Maybe there's nothing wrong with deciding to simply start calling yourself bisexual. Maybe you don't even need to worry about labels. Clearly it's causing you unnecessary strife.
TG: but like im already dating karkat that kinda complicates things a bit
TT: It doesn't have to.
TG: oh no rose dont tell me youre gonna get in on the whole hey dave why dont you date everyone train
TG: thats not the kinda train i wanna take a trip on right now dude
TT: Why not?
TG: cause its just
TG: its weird
TT: Why is it weird?
TG: idk it just
TG: i dont get it
TG: like what the fuck do i do
TT: Well, in my admittedly limited experience, you simply make sure everyone involved is comfortable with it
TT: And then, you date each other.
TG: well god fuckin damn rose you make it sound so simple
TG: why dont i just date both of em then thats just so easy
TT: Now who's giving whom the snarky horseshit?
You really wish your sister didn't make so much sense sometimes. You also wish she wasn't so much like you, especially in the snarky horseshit department.
TG: look alright ill talk to her or somethin fuck
TG: also like
TG: sorry for being snarky i guess like thanks for talkin this out with me
TT: No worries, Dave.
TT: Take care.
TG: yeah you too sis
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
You have to admit, you do feel the slightest bit better about things after having talked to her. You don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing how much she helped, but you can at least acknowledge she might be right about the sexuality thing. Maybe it's ok to just simply not worry about it.
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You finally emerge from your bedroom, feeling a little better about yourself, and run into your boyfriend sitting on the couch. He's barely paying attention to the television, until he notices your mutual acquaintance Jake English appear in one of the commercials. You never really liked the guy, but even you can acknowledge he does have one fine ass. You can't really blame Karkat for not noticing you enter the living room with an ass like that on the screen.
DAVE: sup babe
KARKAT: FUCK.
He jumps in his seat and scrambles for the remote.
KARKAT: I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT I'M WATCHING THE AD JUST CAME ON AND-
DAVE: haha its cool babe jakes ass is pretty alright i get it
DAVE: no worries
KARKAT: THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS WATCHING YOU SHITFLINGER!
DAVE: yeah sure
DAVE: hey i got a question for you
KARKAT: IS IT ANYTHING TO DO WITH FUCKING JAKE ENGLISH?
DAVE: no
DAVE: i mean unless you wanna or something
KARKAT: WANT TO WHAT?
DAVE: fuck him
KARKAT: STRIDER YOU FUCKSQUATTING DICKPRINCE THAT IS *NOT* WHAT I WAS SAYING AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT!
DAVE: haha yeah i know
DAVE: anyways i was saying
DAVE: how do you feel about a double date?
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