Chapter 4

Breathe in, breathe out.

In, out.

You are attempting to message your CHILDHOOD FRIEND, in order to see if she is up to make some PLANS for the near future. She doesn't appear to be online, but you're familiar with her tendency to hide and appear offline in order to not be bothered when she checks her messages.

You while away for a bit, staring at her name in your contacts list, hoping you'll see her come online so this can be less difficult for you. Then you realize it'll likely only be even more difficult for you if she's online, because then she'll react instantly to what you say. That sounds terrifying.

You keep trying to tell yourself she's just your friend, this doesn't even have to lead to anything. Worst case scenario it just ends up being four friends hanging out together and having a good night. Does it really even need to be anything more than that? That sounds fine to you. Maybe you don't even really have a crush on her!

You're stalling. Do you really need to keep stalling? Maybe you should just bite the bullet and message her already.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TG: juuuuuuuuuuuune whats up

TG: you busy or no

EB: oh hey dave!

Oh no, she's online.

TG: holy shit i actually got you online for once thats so dope

EB: hahahaha, i am not THAT 8ad at 8eing online :P

EB: so how are you?

TG: dave is doing quite alright if he can say so himself

TG: things are all goin fantastically in daves world

TG: except shits a little quiet lately

EB: oh?

TG: yeah jade moved back out for a bit

TG: she says she just wants to spend some time with rose and kanaya and all but between you and me i think she just cant bear to be around karkat right now

EB: oh no, did something happen?

EB: i hope things are ok :/

TG: oh yeah no theyre fine

TG: shes just down real bad for him right now lol

TG: like she cant handle being around him rn or shes gonna lose it and jump him or smth

EB: oh

EB: hahahahahahahaha

EB: i mean, i'm not really sure that sounds like her, 8ut you're the one who lives with her a lot, so i think i 8elieve you?

TG: i mean ill be honest egbert im kinda fucking with you

TG: but like im not even sure if i am dude

TG: girl

TG: bitch

TG: can i call you bitch sorry i gotta get out of the habit of calling everyone dude lol

EB: no you can't call me a 8itch!!

EB: 8ut i can call you one :P

TG: wait no so hows that work exactly tf

EB: i will never teeeeeeeell........

TG: ok but like now you just sound like vriska so that means i do get to call you a bitch

EB: wait 8ut how does that work!!!!!!!!

TG: listen

You're not sure how much more of this you can handle. Even doing the Vriska thing you still can't help but see her as being goofy and kind of adorable. But you're not here for chit-chat, no matter how adorable you find it. You're a man on a mission, and that mission is to ask your goofy, adorable CHILDHOOD FRIEND out on a DOUBLE DATE.

TG: ok but for real i have a question for you

TG: prepare yourself for this

EB: oh jeez, dave.

EB: now who's 8eing dramatic?

TG: june like you dont even know

TG: ok so

Breathe in, breathe out. It's not like you're saving the world or anything. You're just asking out an old friend, and not even on a proper date. Or, you intend it to be a proper date, you just don't want to present it that way or even think about it that way because of how anxious that makes you. It's just an outing between two couples, having a good time and hanging out.

Dave just ask her the god damn question and quit being a sad sack.

TG: how do you and terezi feel like

TG: hanging out with me and karkat

TG: like a uhh

TG: like a double date or smth

EB: hold on, let me go ask her.

Breathe in, breathe out. Come on, Terezi, don't fail me now.

EB: she says she'd 8e interested!

TG: oh ok cool

TG: what about you tho

EB: of course i'm interested dum8ass!!

EB: why else would i have gone to ask her? :P

TG: i mean

TG: you got me there egbert

TG: that is an excellent question that i do not have an answer for

TG: the brilliant mind of dave strider is once again stumped by the genius of june egbert

EB: hehehehe

EB: 8ut i am not really sure where we'd go?

EB: i don't really get out much and don't really know what's around in new alternia, much less in my own 8ackyard :/

TG: thats cool we could always just hang out at our place

TG: i mean unless you wanna hang out at yours but im the one that asked so i figure yknow maybe i should host

TG: plus we were just there like

TG: the other day

EB: yeah, hahahaha!

EB: your place sounds fine, what time do you want us around?

TG: whenevers fine but preferably kinda late cause of karkat

TG: man hes so adorable when hes still sleepin after i get up i love that dude so much

EB: heheh, yeah karkat's cool.

EB: don't tell him i said that!!!!!!!!

TG: june i will tell him exactly that the moment he wakes up

TG: like hey babe guess what june motherfuckin egbert thinks youre cool now youre like certified a cool motherfucker just like me

EB: :/

EB: i will let you know a little ahead of time when we're a8out to leave!

TG: sounds good june guess ill see you then

TG: oh yeah also its tomorrow not tonight i almost forgot

EB: that's fine!

EB: actually i think that might work 8etter?

TG: hell yeah sounds dope

TG: see you tomorrow then

EB: see you then!

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

Whew. Date secured. Or, DOUBLE DATE secured, you remind yourself.

You'll have to think of something to make though. Thankfully, you consider yourself a SKILLED COOK, so it shouldn't be too big of an issue. It might have been a good idea to ask June what kinds of food her and Terezi like, though. You'll have to remember to ask her later next time you're at the store.

Tomorrow night is going to be fun, you try to remind yourself. You feel nervous that things won't go well, but if your DEFINITELY NOT A CRUSH is as obvious as everyone says, maybe she already knows. Maybe she's just been waiting for you to tell her because she is afraid to make the first move too.

Hey, what's that notification on your computer monitor?

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

GC: SO TH1S 1S YOUR PLOT TO T3LL H3R?

GC: LUR1NG TWO POOR 1NNOC3NT G1RLS TO YOUR H1V3 W1TH TH3 PROM1S3 OF FOOD?

GC: FOR SH4M3, STR1D3R, FOR SH4M3 >:P

TG: oh come the fuck on is that really what you think is going on

GC: NO

TG: then what is it

GC: 1T 1S NOT WH4T 1 TH1NK 1S GO1NG ON

GC: 1T 1S WH4T 1 KNOW 1S GO1NG ON

TG: fucks sake

GC: H3H3H3H3H3

TG: so what are you gonna tell her thats what im planning or smth

GC: N4H

GC: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO M3SS W1TH YOU

GC: YOUR S3CR3T 1S S4F3 W1TH M3

TG: like i believe that

TG: lemme guess youre gonna flip a coin and have me decide whether you tell her or not

GC: OH TH4T 1S 4 F4NT4ST1C 1D34 D4V3!

TG: ok fuck no we are not doing this

TG: i will cancel this fuckin double date if you get that coin out

GC: OK OK J3GUS

GC: YOUR3 NO FUN 4NYMOR3

TG: look idk what youre trying to do but im already stressed enough as it is

GC: YOU KNOW SH3 DO3SNT B1T3, R1GHT?

GC: 1 M34N

GC: NOT UNL3SS YOU 4SK H3R >:]

TG: yeah how about i file that under things i didnt wanna hear about right at this goddamn moment and just close out of this fuckin chat client

GC: BL4444RRRRR WH3N D1D YOU G3T SO BOR1NG D4V3?

TG: look just dont like

TG: do that

TG: maybe bug karkat or smth instead tomorrow night

GC: F111111N3

TG: ill see you tomorrow

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

You really could have done without that interaction. You don't really understand why she's so insistent on messing with you. Maybe this is her roundabout way of suggesting she's ok with you courting her matesprit? You shudder to think of what June might be going through. At least it seems everyone around you is more ok with this whole polyamory deal than you are, which gives you hope that you'll be comfortable with it once you two actually get together.

If you two actually get together.

KARKAT: HEY, YOU UP ALREADY?

Oh, looks like he's finally awake.

DAVE: yeah i just talked to june about the date thing

KARKAT: OH GOOD, HOW DID THAT GO?

DAVE: it went pretty well i think until terezi bugged me out of nowhere to fuck with me cause she can apparently tell im trying to tell june i like her

KARKAT: UGH, OF COURSE SHE DID.

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: so hey whenever youre like good to go im gonna go hit up the store and get stuff for tomorrow

DAVE: neither of us could come up with anywhere to go so i think im just gonna cook.

KARKAT: ALRIGHT.

KARKAT: LET ME WAKE UP FIRST AND I'LL COME WITH.

DAVE: dope

DAVE: ill make coffee

---------------------------------------------------------

You are bulge deep in some dope shit working on your stove when you hear the doorbell ring.

DAVE: hey babe i think thats them can you get the door

DAVE: im a little tied up with this dish at the moment

KARKAT: YEAH, SURE.

It seems your guests have arrived.

JUNE: hey dave! hey karkat!

KARKAT: HEY JUNE, PYROPE.

TEREZI: H3H3H3H, JUN3 PYROP3

TEREZI: SOUNDS G4Y

JUNE: you sound gay!!

DAVE: you both sound gay from all the way over here

DAVE: ill be out there in just a minute dinners almost done

JUNE: w8, dave since when can you cook?

TEREZI: Y34H, 1 4SSUM3D K4RK4T WOULD DO 4LL TH3 COOK1NG FOR SOM3 R34SON

KARKAT: WAIT WHY ME?

KARKAT: THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

TEREZI: 1T M34NS 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3 COOLK1DS 4DOR4BL3 L1TTL3 UHHH

TEREZI: JUN3 H3LP M3 OUT, WH4TS TH3 HUM4N WORD

JUNE: you mean a chef?

JUNE: like the guy who cooks stuff for people?

TEREZI: 1 GU3SS

KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU THINK I'M THE ONE DOING ALL OF THAT?

You don't have time to respond as you're too busy putting the finishing touches on your dish. It looks delicious, if you do say so yourself. You grab a few plates for your guests and serve them at your table, attempting to seem cooler than you typically do lately. Tonight, you want to impress.

DAVE: they just think youre the adorable one

DAVE: they dont know the last time i let you in the kitchen you nearly burnt the whole place the fuck down

TEREZI: HOLD ON, H3 WH4T?

KARKAT: OH COME THE FUCK ON DON'T YOU START PILING ON TO ME TOO YOU RAINBOW SHITCLOWN.

DAVE: karkat babe thats homophobic

KARKAT: HOW THE FUCK IS THAT HOMOPHOBIC?

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DOES HOMOPHOBIC EVEN MEAN?

DAVE: it means youre adorable babe

JUNE: heheheh.

KARKAT: LOOK, HOW THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW NOT TO TURN THE CRISPRANGE THAT HIGH?

JUNE: crisprange?

DAVE: he means the stove

DAVE: thats ok tho thats why i do all the cooking

DAVE: i mean when we dont just order takeout

You probably shouldn't have implied you order a lot of takeout, but you're pretty sure June and Terezi do as well. Or at least, you tell yourself that to feel better.

JUNE: holy shit dave this is really good.

TEREZI: Y34H, J3GUS 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3 JOK1NG BUT TH1S 1S GOOD

JUNE: seriously since when do you cook?

DAVE: oh ive been doin it for a few years now

DAVE: theres a lot of like troll dishes and stuff karkat really likes

DAVE: but hes a little picky about some of em and how theyre made

KARKAT: I AM NOT PICKY YOU ASSHOLE.

DAVE: no not in general and i dont mean it like its a bad thing either

DAVE: you just know what you like and the places around here just dont do it right its all good

KARKAT: OH.

DAVE: yeah so i learned a couple of em and had him try em until i got it right for him

DAVE: i just wanted him to like actually be able to eat his favorite dishes and enjoy them and stuff yknow

You conveniently leave out the part where your first few attempts were disastrous, both on your kitchen and on poor Karkat's stomach and taste buds. You also glance at him in a way that he hopefully will interpret as a request to keep silent on this matter.

JUNE: gosh dave, that's so sweet.

TEREZI: YOU 4DORK4BL3 G4Y N3RDS >:P

KARKAT: OH FUCK YOU TEREZI.

TEREZI: 1S TH4T 4 R3QU3ST, V4NT4S?

KARKAT: NO IT FUCKING IS NOT YOU GRUBFUCKING JERKSHIT.

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK.

TEREZI: HOW 3LS3 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO 1NT3RPR3T TH4T TH3N?

KARKAT: LIKE A FUCKING INSULT MAYBE?

KARKAT: OR ARE YOU TOO FUCKING STUPID TO GET THAT?

TEREZI: >:O

She shoots a look at you that is at once "insulted" and also mischievous. God damn Seers.

TEREZI: D4V3 YOUR M4T3SPR1T 1S B31NG M34N TO M3

KARKAT: YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO ACTUALLY DEFEND YOURSELF?

KARKAT: YOU'RE REALLY JUST RUNNING TO MY MATESPRIT TO TRY AND KEEP FUCKING WITH ME?

KARKAT: AT LEAST NOW I KNOW YOU'RE STILL THE SAME OLD FUCKING PYROPE.

KARKAT: THANK FUCKING JEGUS I WAS WORRIED WE HAD GOTTEN AN IMPOSTOR OR SOMETHING.

DAVE: jegus babe

DAVE: i mean

DAVE: jesus

DAVE: fuck

DAVE: you wanna maybe like get a room or smth you sound like you two are about to start hate-making out or smth

KARKAT: OH FUCK YOU TOO STRIDER.

DAVE: i mean

DAVE: in front of the guests?

TEREZI: WHY NOT?

TEREZI: 1T WOULD B3 WOND3RFUL 3NT3RT41NM3NT FOR YOUR GU3STS

JUNE: oh goddammit terezi why are you doing this?

DAVE: seriously can yall maybe like take that in the other room or smth

TEREZI: UGH F11111N3

You see your boyfriend and Terezi get up and head towards the other room, still insulting each other the entire way there. Man, they really do sound like they have a hate-thing for each other. Now it's just the two of you, alone together. All according to plan. You'll have to thank Karkat for playing up their fighting later.

JUNE: i'm really sorry a8out terezi, she's gr8 8ut sometimes she gets

JUNE: like that. :/

DAVE: nah its all cool i was about to apologize for karkat haha

The silence is, in your humble opinion, awkward as all shit. You feel like the romantic tension is so thick, you could cut into it with one of your boyfriend's sickles. Or, at least that's how it feels to you. It very likely could feel that way to her, but you don't know. For all you know she might just be feeling awkward about what just happened.

DAVE: so uhhh

DAVE: two of you getting along alright

She perks up a bit, she must be really excited to talk about Terezi.

JUNE: yeah, we're doing pretty well together!

JUNE: she can 8e a little more teasing than i'm used to sometimes, 8ut she's 8een easing up a little while i get comforta8le with it.

JUNE: i've actually 8een a8le to get her 8ack a few times, too!

DAVE: haha yeah i bet

DAVE: sounds like you two get along real well

JUNE: yeah!

JUNE: i don't really know what our rel8tionship is like, i don't understand the quadrants thing as much i guess?

JUNE: all i know is we kind of tease each other a lot, 8ut also like

JUNE: i really love her.

DAVE: damn thats adorable

JUNE: heheh.

JUNE: she's 8een helping me with my transition too, and i've 8een there for her a few times when she needed me.

DAVE: im ngl thats kinda shocking that she like

DAVE: well no i mean i guess everyone needs some emotional help from time to time its just hard to see past her whole like

DAVE: stone cold creepy shittalking gremlin thing

DAVE: yknow i kinda forget like

DAVE: people are people i guess

JUNE: yeah.

JUNE: don't let her know i said that, though.

JUNE: she'd get really em8arrassed. :P

DAVE: haha yeah im not gonna say anything dw

JUNE: i mean shes really cute when she gets em8arrassed!

JUNE: or whenever she lets down her guard like that.

JUNE: 8ut i don't want to em8arrass her in front of other people i guess.

DAVE: yeah i get that

You never really saw Terezi as someone with actual feelings before, she always just kind of exudes this weird sense of confidence. Not that you didn't think she had any feelings, just that she's never really let her guard down around you before. You get the feeling she might have, once before, but you might be confusing that with something that happened in a dream.

JUNE: so how have you and karkat 8een l8ly?

JUNE: he seems a lot calmer than i've seen him 8e 8efore.

JUNE: well, compar8ively i guess. :?

DAVE: yeah like

DAVE: the outbursts hes had are honestly a little out of the ordinary

DAVE: especially when jades not here like goddamn im pretty sure theres smth between them

DAVE: she really knows how to get under his skin real bad its kind of adorable tbh

JUNE: heh, that's a little surprising!

JUNE: i guess i always kind of realized he's kind of a sensitive guy, though.

DAVE: yeah the whole im gonna yell and shout at everybody thing is like him trying to keep his guard up

DAVE: ig the same way terezi does based on what youve been saying

JUNE: that makes sense.

DAVE: honestly i kinda think we all do that sometimes yknow

JUNE: what do you mean?

DAVE: like

You pause for a moment to gather your thoughts. June rolls her eyes and grins, likely expecting you to break out into classic Strider Rambling Time. Unfortunately for her, that's exactly what you're going to do.

DAVE: i mean hear me out

DAVE: i do the whole ramble and deflect kinda thing

DAVE: like even i can admit i do that

DAVE: not that much just a little bit like once in a while

JUNE: you do that all the tiiiiiiiime dave!!

DAVE: yeah and you sound like vriska juuuuuuuuune

DAVE: see look i did like 9 of those what are you gonna do about it egbert

JUNE: daaaaaaaave!!!!!!!! :P

DAVE: ok now youre just fuckin with me

DAVE: but i mean see thats what im talking about

DAVE: we all have this kind of thing we do that kinda like defines who we are around others that we dont really do as much with the people were comfortable with

DAVE: like you got this whole kinda quiet loner vibe going on the last few years but beneath it youre like adorably goofy and shit